Yeah...
...it's time for another extended break from my family.
I don't really post here anymore, but this stuff is welling up so badly inside me that I just need to get it out.
Since my father died, I've felt this pull to move home, to surround myself with what's left of my family. But as time passes, I realize I'm better off far away. Maybe it's me; maybe I'm too sensitive or whatever, but I just can't handle them right now. I'm 26 years old, married, gainfully employed, teaching at a college, and writing a book, and yet they still seem to think they know what's best for me. Also, any event that would be about me--my graduation, my birthday--always seems to be a huge inconvenience. My sister's anxiety is off the charts, to the point where she's just rude. My brother never shows up to anything (including my graduation a few weeks ago), and everything is planned around him and his schedule. My mother and sister apparently disagree with my being a vegetarian and felt the need to tell Nicole they were "concerned" with how I eat. I just can't right now. Like I don't have enough going on, and like I can't take care of myself. No one would dare tell my brother or sister what to do. What is it about ME?
When I'm around them, I'm on the verge of tears. I don't want to be judged or pushed or the punchline of some joke. I think I just need some time away. So, no birthday stuff. I doubt anyone will even notice. Every year it's a big headache and we end up doing what everyone else wants. Not to mention the fact that I feel like I can't even eat in front of them now, since I know they're all talking about it.
I hope this passes.
I don't really post here anymore, but this stuff is welling up so badly inside me that I just need to get it out.
Since my father died, I've felt this pull to move home, to surround myself with what's left of my family. But as time passes, I realize I'm better off far away. Maybe it's me; maybe I'm too sensitive or whatever, but I just can't handle them right now. I'm 26 years old, married, gainfully employed, teaching at a college, and writing a book, and yet they still seem to think they know what's best for me. Also, any event that would be about me--my graduation, my birthday--always seems to be a huge inconvenience. My sister's anxiety is off the charts, to the point where she's just rude. My brother never shows up to anything (including my graduation a few weeks ago), and everything is planned around him and his schedule. My mother and sister apparently disagree with my being a vegetarian and felt the need to tell Nicole they were "concerned" with how I eat. I just can't right now. Like I don't have enough going on, and like I can't take care of myself. No one would dare tell my brother or sister what to do. What is it about ME?
When I'm around them, I'm on the verge of tears. I don't want to be judged or pushed or the punchline of some joke. I think I just need some time away. So, no birthday stuff. I doubt anyone will even notice. Every year it's a big headache and we end up doing what everyone else wants. Not to mention the fact that I feel like I can't even eat in front of them now, since I know they're all talking about it.
I hope this passes.