Fic: Paradox
Title: Paradox
Author: interpretthis
Fandom: Lost
Sin: Greed
Pairing: Ben/Juliet
Rating: G
Summary: Set during 3x07. Ben’s POV on "allowing" (*coughcough*) Juliet to go home.
Notes: For 7_deadly_sins_. Drabble-esque to get the ball rolling. X-posted to henrygalelovers. Prompt table here.
My life has become a mess of knotted threads, at the heart of which lies a conflict of interests starting with my life and ending with hers. A paradox of sorts. Catch 22 - whatever you’d like to call it. She wants nothing more than to return “home”. I tell myself I want nothing more than for her to stay at my own expense, but it is a lie. I value my life more, and as a result, give her permission to return to…the place she had been before. And yet things are not always as they seem with me. Juliet knows that well enough, and I can see it in her eyes as she turns to leave the room, that curious smile playing about lips that look innocent enough. She knows. The monster inside me is insatiable. It will stop at nothing to grasp for and hold all it can get, starting with my life and ending with hers. She has become necessary, and letting her go would, consequently, free all that needs to be kept close and safe. The knot would unravel, but so would I. I am not ready - not willing - to welcome death across the threshold of my humble abode. Not my door yet.
“Ben,” her voice is a slight whisper, but I can feel her eyes burning into me from her place by the door. I stare back, not even bothering to lift my head from its position on the operating table. Too much effort wasted for little gain. Her one word says all, and she exits swiftly, blue scrubs disappearing down the fluorescently lit corridor as I watch through the window. Unflinching. Unconcerned.
She will stay. I will live. She will learn to be happy. She will learn to be happy for me.