OWBN, This Is Your Life
http://io9.com/5500259/i-demand-better-vampires
"For example. Watching The Vampire Diaries, which is terrible, there's a scene where the receding hairline vampire high school guy mumbles and looks at his feet and then tells the boring high school girl that he's "not very good at small talk."
Well, you fucking well should be, shouldn't you? You're four hundred years old! You should be AWESOME at small talk! You should be like a social Olympic athlete! You should be all: sometimes I small talk a tree, just for fun! You should be able to walk into a room and own it like fucking David Bowie, my friend. What have you been doing all this time? Mumbling? That doesn't even work for mortal boys! I AM DONE WITH YOU, VAMPIRE FAILURE.
Vampires should be pretty much like mean girls, all the time, only amazing at it. Flawless. They've had time. Like when you put a penny in a bank account and a thousand years later you're rich. Social capital, it is the same. Those high school kids should never know what hit them because they are amateurs. Vampires should not be at the approximate social stage of a particularly awkward 14 year old with anxiety issues. They should be devils in blue dresses. This is the metaphor: the cool kids are all vampires, and they fuck with you because it's fun. Because they're demons and they like it."
"For example. Watching The Vampire Diaries, which is terrible, there's a scene where the receding hairline vampire high school guy mumbles and looks at his feet and then tells the boring high school girl that he's "not very good at small talk."
Well, you fucking well should be, shouldn't you? You're four hundred years old! You should be AWESOME at small talk! You should be like a social Olympic athlete! You should be all: sometimes I small talk a tree, just for fun! You should be able to walk into a room and own it like fucking David Bowie, my friend. What have you been doing all this time? Mumbling? That doesn't even work for mortal boys! I AM DONE WITH YOU, VAMPIRE FAILURE.
Vampires should be pretty much like mean girls, all the time, only amazing at it. Flawless. They've had time. Like when you put a penny in a bank account and a thousand years later you're rich. Social capital, it is the same. Those high school kids should never know what hit them because they are amateurs. Vampires should not be at the approximate social stage of a particularly awkward 14 year old with anxiety issues. They should be devils in blue dresses. This is the metaphor: the cool kids are all vampires, and they fuck with you because it's fun. Because they're demons and they like it."