Fic: Diploma 20/25
Title Diploma
Part 20/25
Author Internetname
Rating NC-17
Pairing John/Rodney
Summary Sentinel X/O: Rodney McKay and John Sheppard have figured out how to live the lives they want, and things should probably stay that way.
Warnings Slash
Word Count for Story So Far 32,479
Disclaimer Er...if they were mine they'd still be on TV.
Part One is Here
"Yes, I have a number of questions -"
"None of which we are prepared to answer," Shen said.
Lorne looked uncomfortable but stayed silent.
"Colonel Sheppard is my military commander, and it's obvious he's undergoing an significant personal change. I need to understand -"
"You needed to understand Colonel Sheppard before this expedition ever launched, but some forgiveness may be offered, considering the disruption he caused when Sumner resigned, then the distraction when your husband was assigned in his place. Then, as you well know, you allowed your grief to blind you to your duty to every person on Atlantis, both those under your command and the Athosians."
Dr. Weir closed her mouth over her instinctive objections, allowing the moment to settle before she made her case.
"Whatever my insufficiencies have been in the past - please, don't interrupt me again, Ambassador - things will only be made worse if I am not allowed information regarding the people under my command."
"Are you going to use this as some sort of excuse to ship the Alpha back to Earth?" Shen demanded.
"Major Lorne," Elizabeth found herself pleading.
"Shen," the major said, turning to his Guide. "Dr. Weir was instrumental in seeing that Colonel Sheppard retained his place as military commander of the base when we reestablished contact with Earth. She has supported him every step of the way."
"Professionally," Shen dismissed. "But personally, Dr. Weir, emotionally, spiritually, you have made it clear you could not care less about the Alpha Sentinel of this community, or about any other Sentinel or Guide under your care!"
"He told me Teyla was his Guide! I supported his petition to the GSC to have her officially recognized."
"You encouraged him in his delirium and made a mockery of the Pride! "
"Sheppard told me he didn't have a Pride!"
"There are over thirty Sentinels and Guides in this city. Of course he has a Pride, and it was your job to encourage him to solidify his position as Alpha. But instead, you've enjoyed having a crippled, practically non-functional Sentinel - one of his abilities, no less -"
"Dr. Ingstram told me it was my role to stay out of Sentinel affairs!"
"Because he was there to act as intermediary. The position fell to you with his death."
"No one in the Sentinel community told me that."
"You didn't ask!"
"I'm asking now."
"You're late."
Elizabeth forced herself back in her chair, taking deep, slow breaths.
"If I have really been so derelict in my responsibilities -"
"You have."
"...then your anger is understandable, even justified. And I do offer my apologies -" She put up a hand. "To all Sentinels and Guides on this base, including Colonel Sheppard. But my mistakes don't let either of us off the hook. As Beta Guide, it falls to you to assist me in accommodating the new Alpha pair."
Shen raised an eyebrow. "You realize I'm no longer the Alpha Guide of Atlantis?"
"Yes, as I understand things, Dr. - Guide McKay now holds that position."
"Can you tell me why?"
Elizabeth relaxed slightly. "Because of his abilities. The Alpha Sentinel's Guide is not necessarily the Alpha Guide, and vice-versa, though the expansion of one's abilities from the bond may elevate both Sentinel and Guide."
"I see you've gotten through the first manual."
"I raided Dr. Ingstram's library."
"I thought his belongings had been returned to Earth."
Elizabeth looked at her photo of Sedge. "I took possession of his library directly after his death, except for his collectables, which I returned to his family."
"And they've been sitting on your shelf somewhere since?" Shen shot her a look of pity and scorn, but it was somehow less angry than before.
"Yes."
Shen sat back, and with the synchronicity of Sentinel and Guide, Major Lorne leaned forward.
"You weren't there, ma'am. Which is nothing but chance. But you never asked."
"You gave me a full report," she said, feeling her skin grow tight.
"I gave a basic SITREP, ma'am. You refused further information."
At moments like these, Elizabeth would always imagine a fist in the middle of her gut, clenching tightly.
"I know what happened," she said. "Dillon and Colonel Sheppard were exploring the area outside the main ZPM console. The agreed to split up, with Dillon taking Halliwell and Garak, Colonel Sheppard taking Ford and Gonzales. A hibernating Wraith suddenly attacked Dillon's team, killing Halliwell and Garak. By the time Colonel Sheppard arrived with his team, Colonel Everett was moments from death. Colonel Sheppard killed Colonel Everett to prevent the Wraith from further feeding, and he and Lieutenant Ford then killed the Wraith."
"'To prevent the Wraith from further feeding,'" Shen echoed. "Is that how you view it? That he made a strategic decision to remove Colonel Everett from the situation?"
When she didn't respond immediately, Xiaoyi and Lorne settled slightly and watched her without comment. Elizabeth knew she was supposed to talk about mercy killings and putting dogs out of their misery, but the words jammed up behind her tongue.
"Elizabeth," Shen said. "There was not a Guide in the city who didn't feel what your husband felt in his last living moments."
"What?" She realized she was standing up. The others didn't move. "I don’t...I don't think..."
"He wasn't just in pain. He wasn't just dying. The Wraith was stealing his life," Shen said. "He was desperate for the end. When he died from John's actions, the Wraith felt cheated, and your husband was freed. He got to take the best of himself away."
She was at her door. Vaguely, she wondered where she thought she was supposed to go. Beyond the glass, no one was looking at her, staring at the spectacle she had to be making out of herself.
"Dr. Weir," Lorne called.
"You never let yourself grieve," Shen told her. "You've held on to your anger and let it blind you to -"
"Shut up," Elizabeth whispered.
"Dr. Weir?"
"Elizabeth?"
"I said, shut up." She turned to them, feeling oddly separate from her legs. "What do you know about it? What do you know about anything?"
Shen stood up and walked into her space. "I know he did what he could to ease your husband's passing."
"He should have brought Dillon to Medical."
"With the Wraith attached?" Lorne asked. "As long as he was drawing life from Colonel Everett, there was no way to kill him without having him draw the last of Everett's energy to heal himself."
"What scenario have you made up, Elizabeth?" Shen demanded. "Do you think the Alpha could have killed the Wraith, brought Dillon to Medical, and...what? What good would that have done?"
"He would have lived."
"For how long? An hour? Suffering great pain or drugged into a coma? Would you really have wished that on your husband just so you could say goodbye?" Shen snorted. "You should have thanked Colonel Sheppard for his kindness to the man you loved. You should have befriended our Alpha and looked after his needs. You should have insisted he continue to search for his Guide. Instead, you treat him strictly as a military asset and can barely look him in the eye."
Elizabeth made herself walk behind her desk and sit down in her chair. Delicately, her put her clasped hands on her desktop.
"I need you to explain Teyla to me," she said.
"Teyla Emmagan has an exceptionally strong and balanced mind. Her spiritual and mind/body awareness boarders on the extraordinary. But she is not, and never will be, a Guide."
"Because her body cannot produce the necessary bonding hormones," Weir said.
"Correct." Shen regarded her carefully for a moment before continuing. "The Alpha was using her and Ronon and several actual Guides around the city to keep himself in a functional state."
"And now?" Elizabeth asked. "Now that he has a true Guide?"
Shen pursed her lips as the stargate lit up.
"Unscheduled off-world activation!" Chuck announced. "Reading...reading Earth's IDC."
***
Part 21 Here