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I am some how able to get on this site (and yahoo) at work even though my internet is blocked. Thats awesome now I'll get some time to reflect on life.
Since graduating my life as it seems has been put on hold. I struggle to work enough hours a week at a low rate to pay my neverending bills each month. Thank god for giving me strength to get through this time, because it hasnt been easy. I hope something changes very soon. My family is in a very tough spot too. I am caught in the middle of my family tearing a part between my eyes. My aunt has cut ties with my mom and that has to do with the house that they both bought and have tried to turn over. My grandparents are fighting with them because they get fed up with stupid things living in the same house. My mom and my brother are not loving each other and my brother doesn't appreciate anything and takes everything for granted. He doesn't see (and I dont blame him) that we are all very poor right now. My mom is waiting on social security because she cant work. She has been having alot of problems the past few years and I personally am getting really worried. She has done so much for me in my life, she has made me who I am without buying me anything or whatever. She has given me all she has been able to while guiding me and pushing me to succeed in life. I am just getting scared lately because she hasnt been ok. I cant lose the only person who has always been there for me. On to other things because I cant cry at work, I wish things werent so hard.
I wish my girl understood that I cant do everything. She is very important in my life but I cant spend ever second making her happy when I have other responsibilities to take care of too. Does that make sense? Unfortunately I cant just go to work and spend every other second with her. I have a house to keep up, I try and help my mom out cuz she has no one else, I like to sleep in my own bed comfortably sometimes. She wants to do so much together and everything but it takes money that I just dont have right now. Maybe if I had been smarter in my past and instead of credit cards I took another school loan out or something but that irresponsibility has put me in a hole that only I can get out of. That isn't all the reason but its some. The real thing that gets me is that she expects me to just do what she wants I guess. I was over her house and talking about the upcoming months when thanksgiving came up and her mom said "well Summer we'll be at Grandmas all day for Thanksgiving" so Summer turns over to me and says " I guess you'll be at grandmas all day too" Seriously? I thought its a 2 person relationship. I have a family too that I see less than you. Its just stuff like that that really bother me and hurt me. About a week or two ago she said that her grandma needs a picture of us for above her fireplace and that Im part of the family now. Well I was alittle floored by the action but alittle gratified that they think that highly of me. But I said that scared me alittle bit. Was it wrong to think that way? I dont know.
I am once step closer in my application for the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office. I am getting excited about starting my career in life. It won't be easy of course nothing is ever handed to me. I have changed my main objective goal from the FBI though.... I have learned that I would not be able to raise a family the way I want if I am moving around alot. Maybe things will change but as of right now Im striving for deputy in the HCSO and then to move up from there maybe to the K9 Unit or with homeland security at the port of Tampa. Who knows what will happen. I know god will help me get through yet more tough times in life. Thank you.
Since graduating my life as it seems has been put on hold. I struggle to work enough hours a week at a low rate to pay my neverending bills each month. Thank god for giving me strength to get through this time, because it hasnt been easy. I hope something changes very soon. My family is in a very tough spot too. I am caught in the middle of my family tearing a part between my eyes. My aunt has cut ties with my mom and that has to do with the house that they both bought and have tried to turn over. My grandparents are fighting with them because they get fed up with stupid things living in the same house. My mom and my brother are not loving each other and my brother doesn't appreciate anything and takes everything for granted. He doesn't see (and I dont blame him) that we are all very poor right now. My mom is waiting on social security because she cant work. She has been having alot of problems the past few years and I personally am getting really worried. She has done so much for me in my life, she has made me who I am without buying me anything or whatever. She has given me all she has been able to while guiding me and pushing me to succeed in life. I am just getting scared lately because she hasnt been ok. I cant lose the only person who has always been there for me. On to other things because I cant cry at work, I wish things werent so hard.
I wish my girl understood that I cant do everything. She is very important in my life but I cant spend ever second making her happy when I have other responsibilities to take care of too. Does that make sense? Unfortunately I cant just go to work and spend every other second with her. I have a house to keep up, I try and help my mom out cuz she has no one else, I like to sleep in my own bed comfortably sometimes. She wants to do so much together and everything but it takes money that I just dont have right now. Maybe if I had been smarter in my past and instead of credit cards I took another school loan out or something but that irresponsibility has put me in a hole that only I can get out of. That isn't all the reason but its some. The real thing that gets me is that she expects me to just do what she wants I guess. I was over her house and talking about the upcoming months when thanksgiving came up and her mom said "well Summer we'll be at Grandmas all day for Thanksgiving" so Summer turns over to me and says " I guess you'll be at grandmas all day too" Seriously? I thought its a 2 person relationship. I have a family too that I see less than you. Its just stuff like that that really bother me and hurt me. About a week or two ago she said that her grandma needs a picture of us for above her fireplace and that Im part of the family now. Well I was alittle floored by the action but alittle gratified that they think that highly of me. But I said that scared me alittle bit. Was it wrong to think that way? I dont know.
I am once step closer in my application for the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office. I am getting excited about starting my career in life. It won't be easy of course nothing is ever handed to me. I have changed my main objective goal from the FBI though.... I have learned that I would not be able to raise a family the way I want if I am moving around alot. Maybe things will change but as of right now Im striving for deputy in the HCSO and then to move up from there maybe to the K9 Unit or with homeland security at the port of Tampa. Who knows what will happen. I know god will help me get through yet more tough times in life. Thank you.