i wish things were different.
but theyre not. and i have to accept that. its just so hard for me sometimes, constantly comparing myself to other people, my family to other families, etc. i dont know why i struggle with this so much sometimes...
i guess its cause im HUMAN.
and i hate how everything turns into an arguement. always.
and i hate sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. but thats whats happening tongiht. i feel like crap.
and i hate "sunny-weather" friends.
and i hate my stomach. and my digestive system.
and i hate feeling like im fat.
and i hate thinking im not good enough.
and i hate knowing that people look down on me now.
and i hate wondering whats right and whats wrong.
and i hate that i might not go to college. especially since i got into my dream school.
and i hate how i can go from being so happy to being a down-er on life.
and i hate being ditched at the last second. i wouldnt mind if i had advance warning.
and i hate being turned into "the bad guy" all the time.
and i hate taking the blame for other peoples crap.
and i hate that i feel like ive missed out on my summer and my beach-time.
and i hate the way people are so judgemental.
and i hate being treated like im five years old.
and i hate feeling depressed like this.
and i hate guys who are only attracted to girls for their looks.
and i hate being labeled.
and i hate wondering if im being annoying.
and i hate thinking about what other people think of me.
and i hate worrying (but i do it like every second of the day)
and i hate feeling unaccomplished, like i do right now.
and i hate being told that im wrong and so-and-so is right when really that person who said it has no idea of what actually went on that night and who actually tried to stand up for so-and-so and their beliefs but just got shot down so decided to shut up and let so-and-so make their own decisions and then i end up getting blamed for everything.
and i hate not knowing what is going to happen in the future.
and i hate being used.
and i hate being lied to.
and i hate that my parents think im so unappreciative of everything and that im sooooo pessimistic and blah blah blah.
and i hate the way they think they know me just because ive lived with them for 18 years.
and i hate that they dont trust me.
and i hate my past, but i think it has shaped my future and made me into the person i am today.
and i hate not being able to make people laugh anymore.
and i hate the way that its hard for me to hang out in a group with people.
and i hate pimples.
and i hate fat.
and i hate shopping.
and i hate not being able to be in charge.
and i hate drama.
and i hate my cerfew.
and i hate the way ive grown up being overprotected.
and i hate that ive lost touch with a lot of friends.
and i hate thinking that ill be far away from my bestest friends.
and i hate that dana and becca are both in europe right now. i want them home with me.
and i hate that ive only had my laptop for less than 2 months and its broken already.
and i just hate a lot of things right now.
but i love rambling on and on like this because it helps me feel better and even though i cant get everything out thats bugging me, i vented enough to be able to breathe again.
and i love my friends who make me laugh and make me happy.
and i love my Jesus.
and i love food.
and i love the sunrise.
and i love the beach. especially at sunset.
and i love the mountains.
and i love my book that im going to go read right now. =) goodnight.
i guess its cause im HUMAN.
and i hate how everything turns into an arguement. always.
and i hate sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. but thats whats happening tongiht. i feel like crap.
and i hate "sunny-weather" friends.
and i hate my stomach. and my digestive system.
and i hate feeling like im fat.
and i hate thinking im not good enough.
and i hate knowing that people look down on me now.
and i hate wondering whats right and whats wrong.
and i hate that i might not go to college. especially since i got into my dream school.
and i hate how i can go from being so happy to being a down-er on life.
and i hate being ditched at the last second. i wouldnt mind if i had advance warning.
and i hate being turned into "the bad guy" all the time.
and i hate taking the blame for other peoples crap.
and i hate that i feel like ive missed out on my summer and my beach-time.
and i hate the way people are so judgemental.
and i hate being treated like im five years old.
and i hate feeling depressed like this.
and i hate guys who are only attracted to girls for their looks.
and i hate being labeled.
and i hate wondering if im being annoying.
and i hate thinking about what other people think of me.
and i hate worrying (but i do it like every second of the day)
and i hate feeling unaccomplished, like i do right now.
and i hate being told that im wrong and so-and-so is right when really that person who said it has no idea of what actually went on that night and who actually tried to stand up for so-and-so and their beliefs but just got shot down so decided to shut up and let so-and-so make their own decisions and then i end up getting blamed for everything.
and i hate not knowing what is going to happen in the future.
and i hate being used.
and i hate being lied to.
and i hate that my parents think im so unappreciative of everything and that im sooooo pessimistic and blah blah blah.
and i hate the way they think they know me just because ive lived with them for 18 years.
and i hate that they dont trust me.
and i hate my past, but i think it has shaped my future and made me into the person i am today.
and i hate not being able to make people laugh anymore.
and i hate the way that its hard for me to hang out in a group with people.
and i hate pimples.
and i hate fat.
and i hate shopping.
and i hate not being able to be in charge.
and i hate drama.
and i hate my cerfew.
and i hate the way ive grown up being overprotected.
and i hate that ive lost touch with a lot of friends.
and i hate thinking that ill be far away from my bestest friends.
and i hate that dana and becca are both in europe right now. i want them home with me.
and i hate that ive only had my laptop for less than 2 months and its broken already.
and i just hate a lot of things right now.
but i love rambling on and on like this because it helps me feel better and even though i cant get everything out thats bugging me, i vented enough to be able to breathe again.
and i love my friends who make me laugh and make me happy.
and i love my Jesus.
and i love food.
and i love the sunrise.
and i love the beach. especially at sunset.
and i love the mountains.
and i love my book that im going to go read right now. =) goodnight.