(no subject)
atria ventrica (8:17:50 PM): um basically its in the future and theres a war on. opens on the main character in his ship and going down. They're fighting IN atmosphere not in space like we haven't developed space fairing battleships yet but these are like airborne aircraft carriers. Ever play starcraft?
AbuseYourDiary (8:18:00 PM): nah. but i know what you're getting at.
atria ventrica (8:18:08 PM): yeah. so his ships going down and he ends up in the forrest and injured, close to his family's estate because his fleet was defending it.
atria ventrica (8:19:00 PM): ever see firefly?
atria ventrica (8:19:08 PM): or serenity?
AbuseYourDiary (8:19:37 PM): hecka yeah.
AbuseYourDiary (8:19:42 PM): own them.
atria ventrica (8:19:46 PM): okay so, the war is like alliance vs browncoats, totalitarian governments, well meaning but power hungry vs the little guys just trying to take care of their familys and keep their freedom
AbuseYourDiary (8:22:40 PM): so what view you want to write from?
atria ventrica (8:22:45 PM): well the main character is gonna be the bad guy
AbuseYourDiary (8:23:12 PM): sweet.
AbuseYourDiary (8:23:14 PM): gives it edge.
atria ventrica (8:23:18 PM): well ...i want... okay this is why i'm having trouble, i want them to be originally sympathetic
AbuseYourDiary (8:24:08 PM): *nods.* and do the growing character thing, only from good to bad?
AbuseYourDiary (8:24:28 PM): kinda like the whole witch with the gingerbread house thing that got redid?
atria ventrica (8:24:42 PM): but as shit unfolds you get more familiar with why the war started and who these people are and eventually he snaps and takes up his fathers mantel and slaughters thousands and goes insane but thats ahead of myself
AbuseYourDiary (8:25:09 PM): wooooah. okay, i read you wrong. so he's on the bad side already, just sympathetic.
atria ventrica (8:25:24 PM): yeah but you dont KNOW they're on the bad side in the begining. you're just introduced to this war and see the rebellion doing this terrible thing in the context of what arturo sees. when really its the ending of a tyrant
atria ventrica (8:29:37 PM): So his ship crashes, he survives but badly injured. He makes his way to his families estate, but the rebels have invaded it. Turns out he's the son of the Praetor or what have you, the leader of the unification or alliance or whatever (I dont have specific names so for now we'll say alliance and rebellion, original right?) So in the process of trying to get to his family he stumbles across his dead brother and sister and witnesses his father and mother executed by the rebellion.
AbuseYourDiary (8:31:44 PM): okay, so his adoptive family, or he's a bastard, or it's just revealed to us that his dad was the leader when we didn't know before?
atria ventrica (8:32:08 PM): no his real family
AbuseYourDiary (8:32:20 PM): ok.
atria ventrica (8:32:25 PM): we, the viewer, realize he's basically the prince.
AbuseYourDiary (8:32:41 PM): okay, so it's a realization to us and not to him.
atria ventrica (8:32:47 PM): yes, thats why his fleet was protecting his familys compound. so after seeing his family dead he flees back into the woods and passes out.he awakes to the character that is ambelina in the coheed story. this kind of forrest healer. who takes him under her care out in this forrest, where there are another group of people that aren't fighting against the alliance or unification,they just pretty much ignore it and do their own thing
AbuseYourDiary (8:35:24 PM): righteo.
atria ventrica (8:35:34 PM): basically elves
AbuseYourDiary (8:35:38 PM): yep. do yourself a favor and don't call them elves in the story. you know that already, though.
atria ventrica (8:36:36 PM): hahah oh yeah because this isn't fantasy this is the evolution of OUR world, this is OUR not so distant future on earth
atria ventrica (8:36:20 PM): so shes nursing him back to health, he's getting better, stronger, still haunted by what he's seen, hair trigger on his temper. so he's healing and he's crazy but shes trying to teach him to control his rage. meanwhile they're TOTALLY cut off from the real world. he's not getting news about the war or his family or anything. So hes falling in love with her. shes kind about rebutting him but he's taking it as hard to get. he's a spoiled kind of rich kid but not to the point where he's annoying, but he's used to getting what he wants. so in the woods one day, hunting or looking for something for ambelina or some reason, he runs into the al the killer character. first time in months he's met someone outside of this community. he's bounty hunting or running drugs or something. but arturo asks him about the war and al basically laughs and does the whole 'you live under a rock?' thing. rebellions taken the capital city, praetorate is dead and the armadas on the run or underground. rights are being restored local governments are taking back over yadda yadda. then al recognizes him. they thought the whole royal family was dead and so forth. So this one general or whoever had taken over and pulled all the forces out and into hiding... 'Hey, why dont you come with me? bet theres a fair ammount of people that would be glad to see you, and some not so glad. I'm sure i could get you to one or the other' and the like. obviously not trustworthy, like claudio siad kind of a crazy han solo type. arturo has to get back to ambelina and al tells him he's this way every few days, its a common drop point for smuggled supplies.
so he's conflicted and upset. angry about losing the war but he's starting to take what ambelina says to heart, thinks he could be happy here and forget about the alliance. okay so basically back in the village, more trying to get teh girl, more the girl not having it, she's a healer and he's been cared. can't happen. not gonna happen. he gets pushy she gets scared and he gets put in his place by others in the village. so he gets furious and heads off to the woods. makes it to his estate, finds that its abandonned, cause its no real tactical value its out in bumfuck idaho and was only valuable due to who was there
atria ventrica (8:51:25 PM): (by the way this is the most in depth i've ever been and i'm kind of fleshing it out as i type, which is why i wanted to do this)
AbuseYourDiary (8:51:44 PM): goooood.
atria ventrica (8:53:05 PM): now remember at this point its barely been hinted at that his side might not be in the right. so hes still just this 20 something kid who lost his family and has a temper
AbuseYourDiary (8:54:11 PM): yeah.
atria ventrica (8:54:51 PM): so the bodies are still there
atria ventrica (8:54:55 PM): maybe
atria ventrica (8:54:59 PM): maybe they're burried
atria ventrica (8:55:09 PM): OH!
atria ventrica (8:55:10 PM): okay
atria ventrica (8:55:49 PM): before he wakes up with ambelina he burries his family
atria ventrica (8:56:05 PM): like instead of passing out he waits till they leave and burries them
AbuseYourDiary (8:56:21 PM): k/
atria ventrica (8:56:28 PM): anyways
atria ventrica (8:56:53 PM): goes back... after leaving the colony and sits at the graves and is pissed.
atria ventrica (8:57:00 PM): like
atria ventrica (8:57:02 PM): hella pissed
atria ventrica (8:57:23 PM): not like anakin skywalker in episode 3, i must be mad cause i'm growling, pissed
AbuseYourDiary (8:57:36 PM): does he understand why he's so mad?
atria ventrica (8:57:43 PM): but distraught and crying and screaming
atria ventrica (8:58:06 PM): yeah they killed his family. he's alone, everythings different and theres nothing to show for it.
atria ventrica (8:58:34 PM): good question
atria ventrica (9:00:19 PM): well basically he's gonna go get revenge now, meets up with al and al takes him to where he can find the remnants of the alliance council and this new leader guy. He's told all the armada to take off their uniforms and try to keep their families safe, try to blend in and accept the loss. theres a small contingent of armatures that are planning a resistance and the alliance council is using them as defense when the rebelion gets to close to finding those responsible for the unification in the first place. i'm trying to make it like the rebels are the allies in ww2. they didn't do anything more violent than they had to. so this whole time they're the supposed bad guys because... thats what they are from the alliance view but when you REALLY think about it theres nothing they did that isn't able to be restrained to the responsible rules of war
okay so... this new leader guy is freaked to see arturo alive, but glad. he's ... a REALLY likeable, responsible, father figure kinda guy and arturo is quickly developing into this disturbed angry vengeful young man. new leader guy is talking with arturo about why its best to let sleeping dogs lie, Art wants to form up ranks again, get the armada out of reserve and the ships back to running. but this guy is like... we lost. you need to accept it. the rebellion aren't ruining the world, they aren't hurting people, and we wouldn't stand a chance anyways. basically after the give and take the general blurts out that maybe his father wasnt as good as art thought he was. that there were a lot of things that happened that he didn't know about. so this is where the alliance starts to crumble in the viewers eyes. this general is having a little kind of post traumatic stress flashback about everything he was ordered to do; ethnic cleansings or diseases they released for population controls that got covered up or spun like the alliance were the ones ending them or providing cures. art doesn't believe him, typical my father was a great man thing, general trys to comfort him but he knocks him away and takes off. so hes conflicted now, angry, starting to lose his mind. this is his last moment as a redeamble character. and through al he puts together a small force of ex armada members goes in and takes over the command center and kills new leader guy.
AbuseYourDiary (9:26:25 PM): and the new leader guy lackies?
atria ventrica (9:26:38 PM): most likely everyone/most of the people there
atria ventrica (9:27:04 PM): except for a few that either join him out of fear or betray the leader guy in order to not be killed.
atria ventrica (9:27:09 PM): OH!
atria ventrica (9:27:53 PM): the whole time before this al is talking to him and telling him to not take that from general guy, and what the alliance stood for and thats all lies and blah blah blah. basically coaxing him into his mental break. so anyways. kills the bitches, music montage of him calling up armada forces, reenlisting soldiers, men suiting up, ships being brough out of hiding, and getting intel about the leader of the rebellion. so long story short he leads this armada into the heart of capital city and guns for the new seat of government. massive casualities but MASSIVELY impressive operation, driven by anger and propoganda and once more into the breach like fervor
atria ventrica (9:32:44 PM): okay... so here in it gets a little shakey. basically he slaughters EVERYONE. like... thousands. everyone in their way in capital city. shermans march to the sea without the justifiable good idea part, so hes now evil. and you hate him. and hes crazy, and these are innocent people he's killing and you know that they're just fighting for their way of life and that the rebellion were really the good guys
so he makes it through finally to the rebellion president thingy guy, at this point just him and a few soldiers and the city being destroyed behind him
atria ventrica (9:36:41 PM): so dialouge
atria ventrica (9:37:03 PM): arts pissed, president guy is totally honest and respectable and redeamable
'did what we had to do to stop your father, to save our people and keep our freedoms'
'thats a lie, the rebellion caused the disease, etc etc'
'you killed my brother and sister'
atria ventrica (9:38:07 PM): aaaaannnnnddd knowing the coheed story like we do rowen...
atria ventrica (9:38:11 PM): what happens next?
atria ventrica (9:39:25 PM): who really killed his brother and sister?
AbuseYourDiary (9:39:36 PM): the alliance.
atria ventrica (9:39:50 PM): nope
atria ventrica (9:39:52 PM): his father.
AbuseYourDiary (9:39:57 PM): omg. *dies.*
AbuseYourDiary (9:40:04 PM): his father's dead, though.
atria ventrica (9:40:26 PM): yeah, remember he FOUND his siblings dead, and then SAW his parents killed, so he assumed the rebelion killed his siblings, but really it was his father who basically hada god complex and refused to let them live in a world where he was not in power.
atria ventrica (9:42:26 PM): so yeah. typical 'NOOOOOOOOO' kills the president dude, but by this time the initiative has failed, rebelion forces have killed or captured the rest of the armada and are closing on the main hall. ssoooo he flees into the city now completely crazy and haunted by the thoughts of his father killing all those people and the mass graves and the executions and cleansings. and basically he's snapping and crumbling and finds himself curling in a corner of some random dark room in a house crying while the rebelion moves in and hunts him down. slow motion, and flashlight beams on rifles. listen to the light and the glass and 2113. its that feeling. and as they close in he's crying and sees ambelina or somewhat, and picks up his gun and the last shot is the rebels busting thorugh the door and he's dead in the corner. slow zoom out behind them in the room, they just look sad and like its a shame because again, they're perpetual good guys that see war as an unfortunate necessity
AbuseYourDiary (9:49:51 PM): yeah,
atria ventrica (9:50:13 PM): soooo
atria ventrica (9:50:16 PM): meh?
AbuseYourDiary (9:51:12 PM): i like.
AbuseYourDiary (9:52:46 PM): i can see it. and, if you really are having just problems getting it fleshed out, try going places with the music and get in that part.
atria ventrica (9:53:10 PM): but is it interesting?
AbuseYourDiary (8:18:00 PM): nah. but i know what you're getting at.
atria ventrica (8:18:08 PM): yeah. so his ships going down and he ends up in the forrest and injured, close to his family's estate because his fleet was defending it.
atria ventrica (8:19:00 PM): ever see firefly?
atria ventrica (8:19:08 PM): or serenity?
AbuseYourDiary (8:19:37 PM): hecka yeah.
AbuseYourDiary (8:19:42 PM): own them.
atria ventrica (8:19:46 PM): okay so, the war is like alliance vs browncoats, totalitarian governments, well meaning but power hungry vs the little guys just trying to take care of their familys and keep their freedom
AbuseYourDiary (8:22:40 PM): so what view you want to write from?
atria ventrica (8:22:45 PM): well the main character is gonna be the bad guy
AbuseYourDiary (8:23:12 PM): sweet.
AbuseYourDiary (8:23:14 PM): gives it edge.
atria ventrica (8:23:18 PM): well ...i want... okay this is why i'm having trouble, i want them to be originally sympathetic
AbuseYourDiary (8:24:08 PM): *nods.* and do the growing character thing, only from good to bad?
AbuseYourDiary (8:24:28 PM): kinda like the whole witch with the gingerbread house thing that got redid?
atria ventrica (8:24:42 PM): but as shit unfolds you get more familiar with why the war started and who these people are and eventually he snaps and takes up his fathers mantel and slaughters thousands and goes insane but thats ahead of myself
AbuseYourDiary (8:25:09 PM): wooooah. okay, i read you wrong. so he's on the bad side already, just sympathetic.
atria ventrica (8:25:24 PM): yeah but you dont KNOW they're on the bad side in the begining. you're just introduced to this war and see the rebellion doing this terrible thing in the context of what arturo sees. when really its the ending of a tyrant
atria ventrica (8:29:37 PM): So his ship crashes, he survives but badly injured. He makes his way to his families estate, but the rebels have invaded it. Turns out he's the son of the Praetor or what have you, the leader of the unification or alliance or whatever (I dont have specific names so for now we'll say alliance and rebellion, original right?) So in the process of trying to get to his family he stumbles across his dead brother and sister and witnesses his father and mother executed by the rebellion.
AbuseYourDiary (8:31:44 PM): okay, so his adoptive family, or he's a bastard, or it's just revealed to us that his dad was the leader when we didn't know before?
atria ventrica (8:32:08 PM): no his real family
AbuseYourDiary (8:32:20 PM): ok.
atria ventrica (8:32:25 PM): we, the viewer, realize he's basically the prince.
AbuseYourDiary (8:32:41 PM): okay, so it's a realization to us and not to him.
atria ventrica (8:32:47 PM): yes, thats why his fleet was protecting his familys compound. so after seeing his family dead he flees back into the woods and passes out.he awakes to the character that is ambelina in the coheed story. this kind of forrest healer. who takes him under her care out in this forrest, where there are another group of people that aren't fighting against the alliance or unification,they just pretty much ignore it and do their own thing
AbuseYourDiary (8:35:24 PM): righteo.
atria ventrica (8:35:34 PM): basically elves
AbuseYourDiary (8:35:38 PM): yep. do yourself a favor and don't call them elves in the story. you know that already, though.
atria ventrica (8:36:36 PM): hahah oh yeah because this isn't fantasy this is the evolution of OUR world, this is OUR not so distant future on earth
atria ventrica (8:36:20 PM): so shes nursing him back to health, he's getting better, stronger, still haunted by what he's seen, hair trigger on his temper. so he's healing and he's crazy but shes trying to teach him to control his rage. meanwhile they're TOTALLY cut off from the real world. he's not getting news about the war or his family or anything. So hes falling in love with her. shes kind about rebutting him but he's taking it as hard to get. he's a spoiled kind of rich kid but not to the point where he's annoying, but he's used to getting what he wants. so in the woods one day, hunting or looking for something for ambelina or some reason, he runs into the al the killer character. first time in months he's met someone outside of this community. he's bounty hunting or running drugs or something. but arturo asks him about the war and al basically laughs and does the whole 'you live under a rock?' thing. rebellions taken the capital city, praetorate is dead and the armadas on the run or underground. rights are being restored local governments are taking back over yadda yadda. then al recognizes him. they thought the whole royal family was dead and so forth. So this one general or whoever had taken over and pulled all the forces out and into hiding... 'Hey, why dont you come with me? bet theres a fair ammount of people that would be glad to see you, and some not so glad. I'm sure i could get you to one or the other' and the like. obviously not trustworthy, like claudio siad kind of a crazy han solo type. arturo has to get back to ambelina and al tells him he's this way every few days, its a common drop point for smuggled supplies.
so he's conflicted and upset. angry about losing the war but he's starting to take what ambelina says to heart, thinks he could be happy here and forget about the alliance. okay so basically back in the village, more trying to get teh girl, more the girl not having it, she's a healer and he's been cared. can't happen. not gonna happen. he gets pushy she gets scared and he gets put in his place by others in the village. so he gets furious and heads off to the woods. makes it to his estate, finds that its abandonned, cause its no real tactical value its out in bumfuck idaho and was only valuable due to who was there
atria ventrica (8:51:25 PM): (by the way this is the most in depth i've ever been and i'm kind of fleshing it out as i type, which is why i wanted to do this)
AbuseYourDiary (8:51:44 PM): goooood.
atria ventrica (8:53:05 PM): now remember at this point its barely been hinted at that his side might not be in the right. so hes still just this 20 something kid who lost his family and has a temper
AbuseYourDiary (8:54:11 PM): yeah.
atria ventrica (8:54:51 PM): so the bodies are still there
atria ventrica (8:54:55 PM): maybe
atria ventrica (8:54:59 PM): maybe they're burried
atria ventrica (8:55:09 PM): OH!
atria ventrica (8:55:10 PM): okay
atria ventrica (8:55:49 PM): before he wakes up with ambelina he burries his family
atria ventrica (8:56:05 PM): like instead of passing out he waits till they leave and burries them
AbuseYourDiary (8:56:21 PM): k/
atria ventrica (8:56:28 PM): anyways
atria ventrica (8:56:53 PM): goes back... after leaving the colony and sits at the graves and is pissed.
atria ventrica (8:57:00 PM): like
atria ventrica (8:57:02 PM): hella pissed
atria ventrica (8:57:23 PM): not like anakin skywalker in episode 3, i must be mad cause i'm growling, pissed
AbuseYourDiary (8:57:36 PM): does he understand why he's so mad?
atria ventrica (8:57:43 PM): but distraught and crying and screaming
atria ventrica (8:58:06 PM): yeah they killed his family. he's alone, everythings different and theres nothing to show for it.
atria ventrica (8:58:34 PM): good question
atria ventrica (9:00:19 PM): well basically he's gonna go get revenge now, meets up with al and al takes him to where he can find the remnants of the alliance council and this new leader guy. He's told all the armada to take off their uniforms and try to keep their families safe, try to blend in and accept the loss. theres a small contingent of armatures that are planning a resistance and the alliance council is using them as defense when the rebelion gets to close to finding those responsible for the unification in the first place. i'm trying to make it like the rebels are the allies in ww2. they didn't do anything more violent than they had to. so this whole time they're the supposed bad guys because... thats what they are from the alliance view but when you REALLY think about it theres nothing they did that isn't able to be restrained to the responsible rules of war
okay so... this new leader guy is freaked to see arturo alive, but glad. he's ... a REALLY likeable, responsible, father figure kinda guy and arturo is quickly developing into this disturbed angry vengeful young man. new leader guy is talking with arturo about why its best to let sleeping dogs lie, Art wants to form up ranks again, get the armada out of reserve and the ships back to running. but this guy is like... we lost. you need to accept it. the rebellion aren't ruining the world, they aren't hurting people, and we wouldn't stand a chance anyways. basically after the give and take the general blurts out that maybe his father wasnt as good as art thought he was. that there were a lot of things that happened that he didn't know about. so this is where the alliance starts to crumble in the viewers eyes. this general is having a little kind of post traumatic stress flashback about everything he was ordered to do; ethnic cleansings or diseases they released for population controls that got covered up or spun like the alliance were the ones ending them or providing cures. art doesn't believe him, typical my father was a great man thing, general trys to comfort him but he knocks him away and takes off. so hes conflicted now, angry, starting to lose his mind. this is his last moment as a redeamble character. and through al he puts together a small force of ex armada members goes in and takes over the command center and kills new leader guy.
AbuseYourDiary (9:26:25 PM): and the new leader guy lackies?
atria ventrica (9:26:38 PM): most likely everyone/most of the people there
atria ventrica (9:27:04 PM): except for a few that either join him out of fear or betray the leader guy in order to not be killed.
atria ventrica (9:27:09 PM): OH!
atria ventrica (9:27:53 PM): the whole time before this al is talking to him and telling him to not take that from general guy, and what the alliance stood for and thats all lies and blah blah blah. basically coaxing him into his mental break. so anyways. kills the bitches, music montage of him calling up armada forces, reenlisting soldiers, men suiting up, ships being brough out of hiding, and getting intel about the leader of the rebellion. so long story short he leads this armada into the heart of capital city and guns for the new seat of government. massive casualities but MASSIVELY impressive operation, driven by anger and propoganda and once more into the breach like fervor
atria ventrica (9:32:44 PM): okay... so here in it gets a little shakey. basically he slaughters EVERYONE. like... thousands. everyone in their way in capital city. shermans march to the sea without the justifiable good idea part, so hes now evil. and you hate him. and hes crazy, and these are innocent people he's killing and you know that they're just fighting for their way of life and that the rebellion were really the good guys
so he makes it through finally to the rebellion president thingy guy, at this point just him and a few soldiers and the city being destroyed behind him
atria ventrica (9:36:41 PM): so dialouge
atria ventrica (9:37:03 PM): arts pissed, president guy is totally honest and respectable and redeamable
'did what we had to do to stop your father, to save our people and keep our freedoms'
'thats a lie, the rebellion caused the disease, etc etc'
'you killed my brother and sister'
atria ventrica (9:38:07 PM): aaaaannnnnddd knowing the coheed story like we do rowen...
atria ventrica (9:38:11 PM): what happens next?
atria ventrica (9:39:25 PM): who really killed his brother and sister?
AbuseYourDiary (9:39:36 PM): the alliance.
atria ventrica (9:39:50 PM): nope
atria ventrica (9:39:52 PM): his father.
AbuseYourDiary (9:39:57 PM): omg. *dies.*
AbuseYourDiary (9:40:04 PM): his father's dead, though.
atria ventrica (9:40:26 PM): yeah, remember he FOUND his siblings dead, and then SAW his parents killed, so he assumed the rebelion killed his siblings, but really it was his father who basically hada god complex and refused to let them live in a world where he was not in power.
atria ventrica (9:42:26 PM): so yeah. typical 'NOOOOOOOOO' kills the president dude, but by this time the initiative has failed, rebelion forces have killed or captured the rest of the armada and are closing on the main hall. ssoooo he flees into the city now completely crazy and haunted by the thoughts of his father killing all those people and the mass graves and the executions and cleansings. and basically he's snapping and crumbling and finds himself curling in a corner of some random dark room in a house crying while the rebelion moves in and hunts him down. slow motion, and flashlight beams on rifles. listen to the light and the glass and 2113. its that feeling. and as they close in he's crying and sees ambelina or somewhat, and picks up his gun and the last shot is the rebels busting thorugh the door and he's dead in the corner. slow zoom out behind them in the room, they just look sad and like its a shame because again, they're perpetual good guys that see war as an unfortunate necessity
AbuseYourDiary (9:49:51 PM): yeah,
atria ventrica (9:50:13 PM): soooo
atria ventrica (9:50:16 PM): meh?
AbuseYourDiary (9:51:12 PM): i like.
AbuseYourDiary (9:52:46 PM): i can see it. and, if you really are having just problems getting it fleshed out, try going places with the music and get in that part.
atria ventrica (9:53:10 PM): but is it interesting?