Once Upon a Dream. (CCS/HOLiC, Clow Reed/Yuuko Ichihara)
Reposting from my personal LJ, date July 19th, 2006.
Title: Once Upon a Dream.
Fandom: xxxHolic.
Warnings: Spoilers for Card Captor Sakura.
Characters/couples: Clow Reed/Yuuko Ichihara.
Summary: They also know they’re not fated to be together in the same sense people expect to be together.
Rating: R.
Notes: 20 facts about Clow Reed and Yuuko Ichihara.
Once Upon a Dream.
I.
It’s not that they’re fated for each other. Even though neither of them believes in coincidences - and they always knew their meeting was fated to happen- they also know they’re not fated to be together in the same sense people expect to be together.
It doesn’t change anything between them.
II.
They meet each other inside a dream. She was five and he was eighteen and they were in a lovely garden with a cherry tree dropping flowers around them, a table set for tea where the young girl was waiting. The first thing she ever said to him was: “You’re late.”
Clow had laughed - not at her, merely laughed, as if he was long used to laughing and didn’t quite know what else to do - and bowed his head, saying “And so it seems. I apologize, Yuuko-chan. Shall we begin?”
III.
Coincidences do not exist. Consequences, however, do. In life there needs to be equal equivalency of trade. Yuuko cares little of it because she’s going to enjoy life, but never causes anything that might cause a high cost. Clow perhaps does care, perhaps he doesn’t, but he still makes his first card - The Dark - and smiles. “Just like Yuuko-chan.”
IV.
They rarely speak of their respective studies and work when they are together. Clow, Yuuko knows, doesn’t like magic as much as everyone thinks he does. She knows of a young boy that started studying both occidental and oriental magic only to please both of his parents. Yuuko, Clow knows, does like her magic, but only free of consequences.
So instead he takes her sake and candies and takes tea and scones for himself (sometimes, if he’s too tired, brandy) and they wait for Yuuko’s costumers to appear.
V.
Yuuko finds once some sketches. Not alchemy ones, not his spells; one is an man that looks exactly like Clow but somehow kinder; another one is a boy that looks exactly like Clow did when he was ten and the other one… the other one seems normal.
When she questions Clow about it, his eyes set in a way it rarely does, and his smile is brighter than usual.
“Just doodles, my dear. Did I ever show you the sketch I did of the cherry tree upon my yard?”
She doesn’t press him, but just notices the way he carefully folds the sheet and saves it between his robes.
VI.
Clow knows that she likes the Bell of Silence he made, if only because he keeps teasing the name about it.
“You haven’t even finished with your Cards yet. Are you sure this is needed, moron?” And he knows that even though she’s asking, she knows.
“It’s a pretty gift to give to a pretty girl.” Clow says, eyes clouded with future memories, and for a second he’s picturing pretty long red hair and surprised golden eyes. “And it’ll mean much more than just that.”
VII.
They had met each other inside a dream, the first time. After that, every once in a while Clow would jokingly hum ‘Once upon a dream’ for her when he’d recall this and he’d invoke one of his ridiculous cards to dance with him.
She always threw him an empty sake bottle, quite at peace when it connected, even if it only meant a few seconds of peace before he started singing again.
VIII.
Creating magical guardians is never easy, but it’s even harder when you want them to be even more, when you want them to become partners, friends… when you want them to be alive, have a soul, and not to merely exist.
“Idiot,” Yuuko rolls her eyes, leaning against the door of his studio, watching his proud smile as he covers the sleeping angel: the winged lion is curled over by the hearth. “Normal people usually have kids when they’re feeling lonely, y’know?”
“Ah but, my dear,” he says, smiling, tilting his head. He looks sadder without his glasses, more real. It causes her to look towards his liquor cabinet instead. “I’m hardly normal, aren’t I?”
She agrees on that. Loudly and repeatedly and in such a way that makes Clow give a mock surprised ‘Yuuko-chan! What a mouth for a lady!’ as he tries to keep from laughing.
IX.
Yuuko is the one to call the winged lion Cerberus, even though he’s representing the Sun. She claims it’s better than ‘Icarus’, and that being forced to stay with him and keeping him safe constantly was going to be enough hell for the lion.
Clow is the one to call the pale guardian ‘Yue’. His eyes glace for a moment as he combs his fingers through the boy’s silver hair where the sleeping creation is resting against his thigh.
“Ah, yes… and the rabbit over the moon...”
“What are you talking about, now?”
He just smiles at her. “Just thinking out loud, my dear.”
X.
“You are going to Hong Kong,” she informs him, hands over her hips, an eyebrow perfectly arched. “And you are going to be civil to the Li family, even if your mother introduces you to ten thousand marriage prospects.”
“But…” Clow moans, still wearing his apron. He’d be more than happy to remain there and be her servant if that meant that he didn’t have to go to his family reunion but, as much as the idea tempts her, Yuuko remains firm.
“I’m not going to deal with your mother again, Clow Reed. Now, either you go or I make you go.”
“Anyone would think you’re not rejoicing from my presence, dearest.” Clow pouts, but stands up and leaves his apron with a long suffering sigh before moving to pick up his staff.
XI.
She wonders if Clow notices just how loved he really is. By his guardians, the cards he took so long unto drafting and finally breathing in their life so that they’re not only spells but that they’re alive too.
She knows that he doesn’t.
Neither of them speaks of love anyway.
XII.
When Clow has nightmares, they are the nightmares of an eight-years-old who is suddenly remembering years and years of another life and if he trembles it’s because he’s taking notice of the broken heart of a widower who doesn’t quite know how to calm his children after their mother has died.
Yuuko draws him to her lap on those nights and caresses his hair until he stops trembling and he falls out of his trance and back into sleep again.
XIII.
“It’s such a shame,” Clow mutters after a withering hyacinth. “That happily-ever-after never lasts.”
“You’re in a weird mood.” Yuuko commented, a mild scowl on her face.
Clow smiled and seemed as if he would start skipping in his step any second now.
“I’m so glad you noticed, dearest.” He says with a courtesy.
XIV.
The only times he truly seems at peace, if even for a moment, is when he’s sleeping in her bed. Yuuko looks at him while she smokes; he doesn’t smoke, just cradles the back of her neck and kisses her and then blows out their smoke and trails a hand down her face, over her neck and gently traces the curve of her elbow before closing his eyes, breathing evening out.
Some magicians require tattoos or marks upon their bodies to control their magic. The only marks upon his body are the ones that she leaves.
XV.
“Why won’t you ask me for a wish?” She asks. He smiles, letting his fingers tangle upon her hair before he lets it drop from between his fingers as if it was water.
He doesn’t sigh but his eyes are so very, honestly sad then, and completely focused on hers.
“Because, my dear, the one thing I would wish for is the one thing I would never be able to give up.”
She doesn’t ask him to specify. He doesn’t have too.
XVI.
“Keep it?” Yuuko asks, raising an eyebrow. “What would I win?”
She eyes the staff he just finished for his future’s self daughter and he smiled warmly before commenting out of the blue.
“I just got an exquisite sake that I was thinking on selling, but…”
Yuuko eyes the black and crimson butterfly and the ‘I’m being honest-and-sweet-and-not-at-all-devious-here-Yuuko-chaaaaaan’ expression Clow has, which usually means he has some kind of idea. Finally, she rolls her eyes.
“What the hell. Okay, keep it.”
XVII.
The one time Yuuko sees Clow cry is not when his father dies, even though he adored him; it isn’t either when his mother passes away, even though he respected her so much.
The one time he looks at her and then just moves to hold her tightly, almost too much, is the time he murmurs a ‘Madoushi’ and cries silently while holding her.
XVIII.
“Idiot,” Yuuko calls his almost unconscious form, wiping the sweat of his face with a wet cloth. “Stupid prick. Bastard.”
She has never seen him in physical pain before; he has never allowed anyone other than her to notice his fatigue once in a while, and now he’s suffering, his fever high.
She doesn’t say anything at the fact that, while he was at his most vulnerable moment, he came to her.
“Why, my dear,” Clow murmurs. He barely has any magic left after he finished the spell that, in a few weeks, will divide his soul in two. “I didn’t know you cared.”
She doesn’t answer, just calls him a stupid careless bastard again and lets him sleep over her bed.
XIX.
“You like your future selves.” Yuuko mutters, breathing out some smoke. He’s still weary to go back to the time where fate has to continue and he has to hurt two guardians he adores, still too human to be brave enough to do so without crumbling.
Clow smiles. He’s softly playing the piano, a soft melody that he hopes Eriol-kun or perhaps Fujitaka-san - or perhaps even someone else - will take care of finishing, so he stores it over his memory; autumn staring from gold canopies and crimson pouring over the sky.
“Do you consider that egotistical; my dear?”
“That’s no news about you, moron.” Yuuko smokes a bit more. She’s not watching him and most of his attention is over the keys.
“If life is a circle, then nothing ever ends.” Clow whispers softly. His fingers are still moving over the piano. Her only answer is to take another drag of her pipe.
They both know about souls being the same everywhere; and they both know better than even attempting to say goodbye.
XX.
It’s not dying. It’s merely passing away, something most humans can’t really understand. He’s moving to another place, another dimension, and he’ll still be near, just not in the same way. They both know this as they drink sake slowly, toasting to nothing at all. He’s smiling into the sunset; she’s sprawled over the cushions.
Clow kneels by Yuuko’s side and holds her hand and softly kisses her fingers as he bows his head and murmurs warmly: “See you soon, Yuuko-chan.” She just snorts and rolls her eyes, barely tightens her fingers over his for a second before he pulls out his staff and disappears.
They won’t meet each other in their dreams again.
Title: Once Upon a Dream.
Fandom: xxxHolic.
Warnings: Spoilers for Card Captor Sakura.
Characters/couples: Clow Reed/Yuuko Ichihara.
Summary: They also know they’re not fated to be together in the same sense people expect to be together.
Rating: R.
Notes: 20 facts about Clow Reed and Yuuko Ichihara.
Once Upon a Dream.
I.
It’s not that they’re fated for each other. Even though neither of them believes in coincidences - and they always knew their meeting was fated to happen- they also know they’re not fated to be together in the same sense people expect to be together.
It doesn’t change anything between them.
II.
They meet each other inside a dream. She was five and he was eighteen and they were in a lovely garden with a cherry tree dropping flowers around them, a table set for tea where the young girl was waiting. The first thing she ever said to him was: “You’re late.”
Clow had laughed - not at her, merely laughed, as if he was long used to laughing and didn’t quite know what else to do - and bowed his head, saying “And so it seems. I apologize, Yuuko-chan. Shall we begin?”
III.
Coincidences do not exist. Consequences, however, do. In life there needs to be equal equivalency of trade. Yuuko cares little of it because she’s going to enjoy life, but never causes anything that might cause a high cost. Clow perhaps does care, perhaps he doesn’t, but he still makes his first card - The Dark - and smiles. “Just like Yuuko-chan.”
IV.
They rarely speak of their respective studies and work when they are together. Clow, Yuuko knows, doesn’t like magic as much as everyone thinks he does. She knows of a young boy that started studying both occidental and oriental magic only to please both of his parents. Yuuko, Clow knows, does like her magic, but only free of consequences.
So instead he takes her sake and candies and takes tea and scones for himself (sometimes, if he’s too tired, brandy) and they wait for Yuuko’s costumers to appear.
V.
Yuuko finds once some sketches. Not alchemy ones, not his spells; one is an man that looks exactly like Clow but somehow kinder; another one is a boy that looks exactly like Clow did when he was ten and the other one… the other one seems normal.
When she questions Clow about it, his eyes set in a way it rarely does, and his smile is brighter than usual.
“Just doodles, my dear. Did I ever show you the sketch I did of the cherry tree upon my yard?”
She doesn’t press him, but just notices the way he carefully folds the sheet and saves it between his robes.
VI.
Clow knows that she likes the Bell of Silence he made, if only because he keeps teasing the name about it.
“You haven’t even finished with your Cards yet. Are you sure this is needed, moron?” And he knows that even though she’s asking, she knows.
“It’s a pretty gift to give to a pretty girl.” Clow says, eyes clouded with future memories, and for a second he’s picturing pretty long red hair and surprised golden eyes. “And it’ll mean much more than just that.”
VII.
They had met each other inside a dream, the first time. After that, every once in a while Clow would jokingly hum ‘Once upon a dream’ for her when he’d recall this and he’d invoke one of his ridiculous cards to dance with him.
She always threw him an empty sake bottle, quite at peace when it connected, even if it only meant a few seconds of peace before he started singing again.
VIII.
Creating magical guardians is never easy, but it’s even harder when you want them to be even more, when you want them to become partners, friends… when you want them to be alive, have a soul, and not to merely exist.
“Idiot,” Yuuko rolls her eyes, leaning against the door of his studio, watching his proud smile as he covers the sleeping angel: the winged lion is curled over by the hearth. “Normal people usually have kids when they’re feeling lonely, y’know?”
“Ah but, my dear,” he says, smiling, tilting his head. He looks sadder without his glasses, more real. It causes her to look towards his liquor cabinet instead. “I’m hardly normal, aren’t I?”
She agrees on that. Loudly and repeatedly and in such a way that makes Clow give a mock surprised ‘Yuuko-chan! What a mouth for a lady!’ as he tries to keep from laughing.
IX.
Yuuko is the one to call the winged lion Cerberus, even though he’s representing the Sun. She claims it’s better than ‘Icarus’, and that being forced to stay with him and keeping him safe constantly was going to be enough hell for the lion.
Clow is the one to call the pale guardian ‘Yue’. His eyes glace for a moment as he combs his fingers through the boy’s silver hair where the sleeping creation is resting against his thigh.
“Ah, yes… and the rabbit over the moon...”
“What are you talking about, now?”
He just smiles at her. “Just thinking out loud, my dear.”
X.
“You are going to Hong Kong,” she informs him, hands over her hips, an eyebrow perfectly arched. “And you are going to be civil to the Li family, even if your mother introduces you to ten thousand marriage prospects.”
“But…” Clow moans, still wearing his apron. He’d be more than happy to remain there and be her servant if that meant that he didn’t have to go to his family reunion but, as much as the idea tempts her, Yuuko remains firm.
“I’m not going to deal with your mother again, Clow Reed. Now, either you go or I make you go.”
“Anyone would think you’re not rejoicing from my presence, dearest.” Clow pouts, but stands up and leaves his apron with a long suffering sigh before moving to pick up his staff.
XI.
She wonders if Clow notices just how loved he really is. By his guardians, the cards he took so long unto drafting and finally breathing in their life so that they’re not only spells but that they’re alive too.
She knows that he doesn’t.
Neither of them speaks of love anyway.
XII.
When Clow has nightmares, they are the nightmares of an eight-years-old who is suddenly remembering years and years of another life and if he trembles it’s because he’s taking notice of the broken heart of a widower who doesn’t quite know how to calm his children after their mother has died.
Yuuko draws him to her lap on those nights and caresses his hair until he stops trembling and he falls out of his trance and back into sleep again.
XIII.
“It’s such a shame,” Clow mutters after a withering hyacinth. “That happily-ever-after never lasts.”
“You’re in a weird mood.” Yuuko commented, a mild scowl on her face.
Clow smiled and seemed as if he would start skipping in his step any second now.
“I’m so glad you noticed, dearest.” He says with a courtesy.
XIV.
The only times he truly seems at peace, if even for a moment, is when he’s sleeping in her bed. Yuuko looks at him while she smokes; he doesn’t smoke, just cradles the back of her neck and kisses her and then blows out their smoke and trails a hand down her face, over her neck and gently traces the curve of her elbow before closing his eyes, breathing evening out.
Some magicians require tattoos or marks upon their bodies to control their magic. The only marks upon his body are the ones that she leaves.
XV.
“Why won’t you ask me for a wish?” She asks. He smiles, letting his fingers tangle upon her hair before he lets it drop from between his fingers as if it was water.
He doesn’t sigh but his eyes are so very, honestly sad then, and completely focused on hers.
“Because, my dear, the one thing I would wish for is the one thing I would never be able to give up.”
She doesn’t ask him to specify. He doesn’t have too.
XVI.
“Keep it?” Yuuko asks, raising an eyebrow. “What would I win?”
She eyes the staff he just finished for his future’s self daughter and he smiled warmly before commenting out of the blue.
“I just got an exquisite sake that I was thinking on selling, but…”
Yuuko eyes the black and crimson butterfly and the ‘I’m being honest-and-sweet-and-not-at-all-devious-here-Yuuko-chaaaaaan’ expression Clow has, which usually means he has some kind of idea. Finally, she rolls her eyes.
“What the hell. Okay, keep it.”
XVII.
The one time Yuuko sees Clow cry is not when his father dies, even though he adored him; it isn’t either when his mother passes away, even though he respected her so much.
The one time he looks at her and then just moves to hold her tightly, almost too much, is the time he murmurs a ‘Madoushi’ and cries silently while holding her.
XVIII.
“Idiot,” Yuuko calls his almost unconscious form, wiping the sweat of his face with a wet cloth. “Stupid prick. Bastard.”
She has never seen him in physical pain before; he has never allowed anyone other than her to notice his fatigue once in a while, and now he’s suffering, his fever high.
She doesn’t say anything at the fact that, while he was at his most vulnerable moment, he came to her.
“Why, my dear,” Clow murmurs. He barely has any magic left after he finished the spell that, in a few weeks, will divide his soul in two. “I didn’t know you cared.”
She doesn’t answer, just calls him a stupid careless bastard again and lets him sleep over her bed.
XIX.
“You like your future selves.” Yuuko mutters, breathing out some smoke. He’s still weary to go back to the time where fate has to continue and he has to hurt two guardians he adores, still too human to be brave enough to do so without crumbling.
Clow smiles. He’s softly playing the piano, a soft melody that he hopes Eriol-kun or perhaps Fujitaka-san - or perhaps even someone else - will take care of finishing, so he stores it over his memory; autumn staring from gold canopies and crimson pouring over the sky.
“Do you consider that egotistical; my dear?”
“That’s no news about you, moron.” Yuuko smokes a bit more. She’s not watching him and most of his attention is over the keys.
“If life is a circle, then nothing ever ends.” Clow whispers softly. His fingers are still moving over the piano. Her only answer is to take another drag of her pipe.
They both know about souls being the same everywhere; and they both know better than even attempting to say goodbye.
XX.
It’s not dying. It’s merely passing away, something most humans can’t really understand. He’s moving to another place, another dimension, and he’ll still be near, just not in the same way. They both know this as they drink sake slowly, toasting to nothing at all. He’s smiling into the sunset; she’s sprawled over the cushions.
Clow kneels by Yuuko’s side and holds her hand and softly kisses her fingers as he bows his head and murmurs warmly: “See you soon, Yuuko-chan.” She just snorts and rolls her eyes, barely tightens her fingers over his for a second before he pulls out his staff and disappears.
They won’t meet each other in their dreams again.