Trace the Shadows. (Persona Trinity Soul, Jun+Yuki/Soutarou)
Title: Trace the Shadows.
Fandom: Persona Trinity Soul.
Warnings: Crossdressing, underage. Not quite twincest but really close. Also quite close to gender dysphoria.
Characters/couples: Jun+Yuki/Soutarou.
Summary: So when Yuki whispers 'please, Jun?', so that Jun can almost feel her he sighs and nods, even though she can't see it, even though it's not needed, for her to know he agrees.
Rating: NC17.
Notes: The use of pronouns is completely deliberate here.
Trace the Shadows.
And girls like me can trace the shadows as they fade away
Running from the sun and dying at the end of day
Girls like me can shed your body, lose this extra weight
We'll cut your throat if that's what it will take for twins to separate
“G.L.M” Thou Shall Not
It was always hard for him to tell Yuki 'no' when they were children. She was always the outgoing twin, the one with the ideas, the one with the penchant for adventure, the one who always got them into troubles and out of them.
That hasn't changed now, but it's... different, with them sharing just one body. Yuki doesn't ask for many things these days. They talk, as much as the possibly can when they're not supposed to do so, but that's hardly anything. But every now and then, Yuki will whisper a 'please, Jun?' and then he'll get himself a parfait, even though he doesn't like sweets that much, or buy a girl's magazine for her to read.
Or buy girl's clothes and he'll wear them and then give Yuki as much freedom as she can when they still have to share his body. It's the least he can do, Jun thinks, when he's alive and breathing and all Yuki has is her voice inside him, him to experience everything she won't.
So when Yuki whispers 'please, Jun?', breeze soft against him, so that Jun can almost feel her arms around his shoulders and her body against his he sighs and nods, even though she can't see it, even though it's not needed, for her to know that he agrees. He stands up from his bed, digs through his closet to bring out the bag he has hidden inside. He used to worry about it, when Shin and they lived back in Tokyo with their aunt, worried that Shin would find it even tough he always knew that Shin would understand it, but it never happened. Now that they live in a dorm room, he has to worry even less. Shin hasn't been himself since Ryou disappeared and Eiko-neechan died.
He puts the smaller bag inside his school bag, stuffing some notebooks just in case, though Yuki tells him he shouldn't bother.
“Even so,” Jun whispers at her, walking out and towards the room that Shin shares with Takuro, leaning inside a bit, looking around. “Shin-niichan?”
He walks inside, and then both he and Yuki sigh. Shin has fallen asleep once again at his desk, arms folded on top of it, an smudged drawing beneath him, Ryou-niichan there on the paper. It's been four months with no news, with no chance of closure. Even he and Yuki don't know if Ryou-niichan is alive or not after that one, lone moment when they were sure he was gone. Nowadays Yuki is adamant that he must be alive still, somewhere and Jun sometimes feels like a traitor for daring to think that he's not sure. And Shin-niichan, always with his heart on his sleeve, not wanting to believe that their older brother could have had anything to do with Eiko-neechan's death, not wanting to believe they're gone.
Yuki slips through him, and it's her voice in his lips when they shake Shin's shoulder, it's her all over the way his eyes soften for their older brother. Shin-niichan looks too thin, shadows under his eyes: he has been having nightmares again.
“Shin-niichan,” she whispers gently.
Shin frowns a bit, obviously wishing that they wouldn't wake him up, but he opens his eyes, looking at him. At them. Yuki smiles with his lips.
“You should sleep on your bed, niichan,” Yuki chides him. “Your back is going to hurt you again.”
Shin blinks sleepily, his head still pillowed on his arms. “You going out?”
“Mmm, to the library,” Yuki lies easily enough. Jun has never been as good as her to simply say something like that on the spot. “I'll be back before dinner.”
Their brother yawns, stretching, and they both wince when they hear his back popping in several places. “Want me to go with you?”
“It's okay, niichan, I'll be back soon,” Yuki says with a smile. “You should sleep some more! I'm gonna tell Kanaru-san and Megumi-san that you're going to be sleeping, and if you don't do it, for them to punish you! Megumi-san will agree with me.”
That, at least, makes Shin laugh for a bit, the way he has slowly started doing again lately. It makes them both feel warm, warmer than the spring air that comes through the open window.
“You nag too much, Jun,” Shin tells them, but he sits down on his bed, then rolling to his side the way he always does when he's about to fall asleep. “Don't forget your cellphone.”
“And you say I nag,” Jun mutters, Yuki giggling inside him, and then he closes the door.
*
Once outside, it's simply a matter of finding an empty bathroom and changing out of Jun's clothes. It doesn't matter how many times he has done it, it always feels a bit weird, stepping out of his clothes, putting on the ones that Yuki chose. Yuki chose black stockings this time, but they make it somewhat softer by putting socks on top, folding them around his ankles, the way that sometimes Kanaru-san does it. He puts on the panties, the skirt that he bought that looks similar enough to the school uniform one. Then there's the bra, and by now he's an expert on how to put tissue inside so that it look real. It's still his shirt and school jacket on, even as he tie the ribbon around his neck.
And then, the final touch is the wig. It took them almost a whole year before they found out a wig that looked real enough and that had the same ashen color that Yuki's hair used to be, a darker tone than Jun's hair is. Jun combs it carefully, leaving it down, simply putting a hair band. He touches the mirror once he's done, the way he always does with any mirror at all and then it's Yuki looking back at them through the mirror for once, not Jun.
Ready? Yuki asks. Jun likes to think he can feel her breath against his cheek, where she'd be leaning against him.
“Yeah,” he mutters, and then he closes his eyes. Yuki passes through and then it's her moving his body, mostly, while Jun waits on the back, a passenger on his own body. Yuki smiles at the mirror and twirls so that the skirt flips around Jun's legs, and then she picks up the bag, paying for a locker to put it inside.
She avoids the store where Takuro-san works, going to the other, more expensive stores to look around. They can't afford to buy girl's clothes often, knowing that it would be too obvious, but Yuki walks inside the stores and she smiles at the mirrors as she puts clothes in front of her, asking for his opinion. She buys bracelets that Jun can't wear and she puts them on, considers earrings and good luck charms, and then she buys a parfait and she eats it as slowly as she possibly can, enjoying this brief moment of freedom, all that Jun can do for his twin.
“Don't sulk, Jun,” Yuki chides him, pressing a hand to their heart as if he didn't know that, if she could, she would spend this time with Shin-niichan. “I'm fine, right? We're fine.”
They feel him before they see him, and it's still not enough. Yuki turns around, dropping what's left of her dessert, ready to run, but Soutarou's hand closes around his wrist.
“Oh? Who do we have here?” Soutarou smirks a bit, cocking his head to the side. “I almost didn't recognize you, dressed like that.”
Jun feels himself flushing, but it's still Yuki's voice.
“Shin-niichan isn't around here,” she says, and then she glares, a bit. “Do you know where's Ryou-niichan? Tell me, please!”
Soutarou shakes his head, letting go of his arm. He shrugs, the smile still on his face. “I don't know why I'd have to tell you anything, eh, Jun?”
Maybe if we offer our Persona, Yuki thinks inside of him, and Jun agrees, starts trying to think about how to tell him, wondering if Mayuri-san hasn't told them. She must have, they're certain of that, but before they can start, Soutarou has gotten closer to them. He's taller than Jun is, so he has to look up. Soutarou still smirks.
“You do make a very cute girl, you know?” he says, trailing his fingers through the wig, leaning closer. One of his hands settles on his waist. “Want to go on date?”
He should say no, and he knows it. They would be glad to help the guys at Marebito, but not like this, not without letting Shin know. They don't want him to have more nightmares, to worry anymore. But Yuki makes their breath to quicken, and he can feel her, wanting to press closer, to have almost this attention.
Please, Jun.
He can't say no to Yuki.
**
Soutarou doesn't take them far away, he just takes his wrist and takes him (and Yuki, even though he doesn't know that) through them until they're alone, pressing him against the wall. Jun wants to close his eyes but Yuki doesn't let him until Soutarou's mouth is against his, until Soutarou is kissing him. Kissing them.
It's not a soft kiss, by far. He and Yuki don't have any experience, but Soutarou presses his body hard against Jun's, touches his tongue to Jun's mouth until Jun opens his lips, the kiss almost bruising. Soutarou pushes a leg between Jun's and Jun feels himself flushing: with the skirt he's wearing it's really easy to feel Soutarou's thigh, really hard not to just push against it. He can feel himself getting hard.
Soutarou lets go of his mouth, moves towards his neck and he bites, hard enough that Jun flinches. It's going to leave a mark, and he has no idea how he's going to hide it from Shin. Yuki moans through his lips, and Jun clings to Soutarou's arms, feeling the way his legs are trembling
“Never done this before, huh?” Soutarou asks, chuckling against his neck.
No, Jun thinks, but they have thought about it, for what it seems a thousand times. But it's hard, just like everything with them is. They think of girls and boys and they're never sure who's thinking about who, about what, and even just a simple thing like masturbating is difficult, sometimes, when there's no privacy, when they can't turn around when they're sharing one body, one heart.
Soutarou moves a hand between them, pressing it against Jun's crotch, rubbing at his cock over the skirt.
“Want to do it, then?” Soutarou asks, searching his face. Jun is struck by the fear in his eyes, wondering if Soutarou knows about it at all, or if he has lied to himself so much that he pretends it doesn't exist. “Eh, Jun-chan?”
Soutaro's hand moves under the hem of the skirt, under the panties, closing around his cock and Jun feels the way Yuki and he gasp. It's impossible, this time, for them to pretend that one is not feeling what the other is feeling, this time absolutely impossible to pretend that one of them is in the back; Yuki is right there, so close that he can almost believe he would touch her if he simply reached for her.
Jun... Yuki whispers.
“Yes,” Jun answers, cutting through Yuki's words, not wanting to listen to her.
“Well,” Soutaro looks at him and then he smirks, shaking his head, letting go of him. “Turn around.”
Jun pays attention to the way the wall feels against his hands, to the way it rubs against his face, to anything and everything as he hears a plastic tearing sound before he feels Soutaro's fingers wet against his hole, and he does his best not to tense. He still gasps when one of Soutaro's fingers push inside, shifting his legs a bit wider, tries moving against Soutarou's hand.
“Oh?” Soutarou croons, pressed against his back as he is. He pushes his finger again and Jun gasps, moving his own hand to cover his mouth. “Are you that desperate for it, then?”
He withdraws his finger, then pushing in with two, Jun gasps, still covering his mouth. Soutarou isn't being particularly careful but he's not being vicious, either, giving him enough time to get used to the feeling of fingers in his hole, to something spreading him over. Yuki is eerily quiet inside of him, but Jun doesn't want to focus on that, not right now. He uncovers his mouth, instead moving his hand to wrap around his cock, stroking it, simply wanting not to think, for once, having nothing to focus on but the way his heart beats, the way Soutarou's fingers stretch his hole.
Soutarou bites the back of his neck again as he takes out his fingers. Jun feels his legs shaking as the plastic tearing sound repeats itself, and then Soutarou's cock presses to his hole. Jun takes a deep breath and then he loses it as Soutarou presses inside him, an arm wrapped around his chest, his other hand on his hip.
“So tight...” Soutarou gasps against his ear. “Almost like a real girl.”
Jun bites his lips, stroking his cock. Don't think. Don't think, just like this. His heart is beating wildly inside his chest and he has stopped trying not to moan. One of Soutarou's hands curl tight around his shoulder, to pull him closer, silent but for the way he's huffing against his neck, so close that it's easier than breathing to hear his thoughts, his needs, so that Jun isn't sure if he's coming because he wanted to or because Soutarou was thinking about how good it would feel once he did.
Soutarou bites his neck again as he comes, moving his hips slowly as he finishes. Jun's legs are trembling, his hands dirty with come and the dirt of the wall, and he just feels tired. Even though Soutarou used a condom, he wants a bath.
“Not bad,” Soutarou says as he pulls out. Jun winces a bit, but at least he can lean a little more of his weight against the wall. Jun doesn't quite pull the panties on yet. “Say 'hi' to your brother from me.”
**
“Jun!” Shin is laughing, actually laughing, some sort of movie on the TV. Takuro-san is laughing as well, and even Kanaru-san and Megumi-san are laughing. Shin's eyes are bright for the first time in what seems forever. “We're having pizza! We're all putting in some money, so, what do you want in yours?”
“Sorry, niichan,” he says, not quite pausing. “I was hungry so I ate before coming home. Maybe save me a piece?”
He doesn't wait for Shin to say of course. Even if he hadn't said a thing, Shin would have saved him two pieces. One for Jun, and one for Yuki. It's always like this.
Jun lies down on his bed, curls around his side. He should go and bath.
Jun, Yuki says, the first time she has spoken to him at all since he ignored her. Are you mad? I'm sorry...
And she is, he knows it. It was always like this, too, when they were small, when they were two and they could be apart. If Yuki did something that actually hurt him, she would go to him and hug him tightly, because once upon a time they were one and then they were two and back then it had been unfair, that.
And now, they are two but they're just one, just him, and that's unfair, too, but he knows that's not her fault, and he knows he shouldn't feel like this, he shouldn't be so selfish about this.
“Don't sulk, Yuki,” he whispers, closing his eyes, trying to imagine that Yuki is actually in front of him, that he can hold her hand the way he's thinking of doing right now (the way that she's thinking of doing right now), “I'm fine, right? We're fine.”
She doesn't believe it, and neither does he, but they know better than saying anything at all, so Jun just closes his eyes, curls tightly on his side, while Yuki falls silent inside him once again.
Fandom: Persona Trinity Soul.
Warnings: Crossdressing, underage. Not quite twincest but really close. Also quite close to gender dysphoria.
Characters/couples: Jun+Yuki/Soutarou.
Summary: So when Yuki whispers 'please, Jun?', so that Jun can almost feel her he sighs and nods, even though she can't see it, even though it's not needed, for her to know he agrees.
Rating: NC17.
Notes: The use of pronouns is completely deliberate here.
Trace the Shadows.
And girls like me can trace the shadows as they fade away
Running from the sun and dying at the end of day
Girls like me can shed your body, lose this extra weight
We'll cut your throat if that's what it will take for twins to separate
“G.L.M” Thou Shall Not
It was always hard for him to tell Yuki 'no' when they were children. She was always the outgoing twin, the one with the ideas, the one with the penchant for adventure, the one who always got them into troubles and out of them.
That hasn't changed now, but it's... different, with them sharing just one body. Yuki doesn't ask for many things these days. They talk, as much as the possibly can when they're not supposed to do so, but that's hardly anything. But every now and then, Yuki will whisper a 'please, Jun?' and then he'll get himself a parfait, even though he doesn't like sweets that much, or buy a girl's magazine for her to read.
Or buy girl's clothes and he'll wear them and then give Yuki as much freedom as she can when they still have to share his body. It's the least he can do, Jun thinks, when he's alive and breathing and all Yuki has is her voice inside him, him to experience everything she won't.
So when Yuki whispers 'please, Jun?', breeze soft against him, so that Jun can almost feel her arms around his shoulders and her body against his he sighs and nods, even though she can't see it, even though it's not needed, for her to know that he agrees. He stands up from his bed, digs through his closet to bring out the bag he has hidden inside. He used to worry about it, when Shin and they lived back in Tokyo with their aunt, worried that Shin would find it even tough he always knew that Shin would understand it, but it never happened. Now that they live in a dorm room, he has to worry even less. Shin hasn't been himself since Ryou disappeared and Eiko-neechan died.
He puts the smaller bag inside his school bag, stuffing some notebooks just in case, though Yuki tells him he shouldn't bother.
“Even so,” Jun whispers at her, walking out and towards the room that Shin shares with Takuro, leaning inside a bit, looking around. “Shin-niichan?”
He walks inside, and then both he and Yuki sigh. Shin has fallen asleep once again at his desk, arms folded on top of it, an smudged drawing beneath him, Ryou-niichan there on the paper. It's been four months with no news, with no chance of closure. Even he and Yuki don't know if Ryou-niichan is alive or not after that one, lone moment when they were sure he was gone. Nowadays Yuki is adamant that he must be alive still, somewhere and Jun sometimes feels like a traitor for daring to think that he's not sure. And Shin-niichan, always with his heart on his sleeve, not wanting to believe that their older brother could have had anything to do with Eiko-neechan's death, not wanting to believe they're gone.
Yuki slips through him, and it's her voice in his lips when they shake Shin's shoulder, it's her all over the way his eyes soften for their older brother. Shin-niichan looks too thin, shadows under his eyes: he has been having nightmares again.
“Shin-niichan,” she whispers gently.
Shin frowns a bit, obviously wishing that they wouldn't wake him up, but he opens his eyes, looking at him. At them. Yuki smiles with his lips.
“You should sleep on your bed, niichan,” Yuki chides him. “Your back is going to hurt you again.”
Shin blinks sleepily, his head still pillowed on his arms. “You going out?”
“Mmm, to the library,” Yuki lies easily enough. Jun has never been as good as her to simply say something like that on the spot. “I'll be back before dinner.”
Their brother yawns, stretching, and they both wince when they hear his back popping in several places. “Want me to go with you?”
“It's okay, niichan, I'll be back soon,” Yuki says with a smile. “You should sleep some more! I'm gonna tell Kanaru-san and Megumi-san that you're going to be sleeping, and if you don't do it, for them to punish you! Megumi-san will agree with me.”
That, at least, makes Shin laugh for a bit, the way he has slowly started doing again lately. It makes them both feel warm, warmer than the spring air that comes through the open window.
“You nag too much, Jun,” Shin tells them, but he sits down on his bed, then rolling to his side the way he always does when he's about to fall asleep. “Don't forget your cellphone.”
“And you say I nag,” Jun mutters, Yuki giggling inside him, and then he closes the door.
*
Once outside, it's simply a matter of finding an empty bathroom and changing out of Jun's clothes. It doesn't matter how many times he has done it, it always feels a bit weird, stepping out of his clothes, putting on the ones that Yuki chose. Yuki chose black stockings this time, but they make it somewhat softer by putting socks on top, folding them around his ankles, the way that sometimes Kanaru-san does it. He puts on the panties, the skirt that he bought that looks similar enough to the school uniform one. Then there's the bra, and by now he's an expert on how to put tissue inside so that it look real. It's still his shirt and school jacket on, even as he tie the ribbon around his neck.
And then, the final touch is the wig. It took them almost a whole year before they found out a wig that looked real enough and that had the same ashen color that Yuki's hair used to be, a darker tone than Jun's hair is. Jun combs it carefully, leaving it down, simply putting a hair band. He touches the mirror once he's done, the way he always does with any mirror at all and then it's Yuki looking back at them through the mirror for once, not Jun.
Ready? Yuki asks. Jun likes to think he can feel her breath against his cheek, where she'd be leaning against him.
“Yeah,” he mutters, and then he closes his eyes. Yuki passes through and then it's her moving his body, mostly, while Jun waits on the back, a passenger on his own body. Yuki smiles at the mirror and twirls so that the skirt flips around Jun's legs, and then she picks up the bag, paying for a locker to put it inside.
She avoids the store where Takuro-san works, going to the other, more expensive stores to look around. They can't afford to buy girl's clothes often, knowing that it would be too obvious, but Yuki walks inside the stores and she smiles at the mirrors as she puts clothes in front of her, asking for his opinion. She buys bracelets that Jun can't wear and she puts them on, considers earrings and good luck charms, and then she buys a parfait and she eats it as slowly as she possibly can, enjoying this brief moment of freedom, all that Jun can do for his twin.
“Don't sulk, Jun,” Yuki chides him, pressing a hand to their heart as if he didn't know that, if she could, she would spend this time with Shin-niichan. “I'm fine, right? We're fine.”
They feel him before they see him, and it's still not enough. Yuki turns around, dropping what's left of her dessert, ready to run, but Soutarou's hand closes around his wrist.
“Oh? Who do we have here?” Soutarou smirks a bit, cocking his head to the side. “I almost didn't recognize you, dressed like that.”
Jun feels himself flushing, but it's still Yuki's voice.
“Shin-niichan isn't around here,” she says, and then she glares, a bit. “Do you know where's Ryou-niichan? Tell me, please!”
Soutarou shakes his head, letting go of his arm. He shrugs, the smile still on his face. “I don't know why I'd have to tell you anything, eh, Jun?”
Maybe if we offer our Persona, Yuki thinks inside of him, and Jun agrees, starts trying to think about how to tell him, wondering if Mayuri-san hasn't told them. She must have, they're certain of that, but before they can start, Soutarou has gotten closer to them. He's taller than Jun is, so he has to look up. Soutarou still smirks.
“You do make a very cute girl, you know?” he says, trailing his fingers through the wig, leaning closer. One of his hands settles on his waist. “Want to go on date?”
He should say no, and he knows it. They would be glad to help the guys at Marebito, but not like this, not without letting Shin know. They don't want him to have more nightmares, to worry anymore. But Yuki makes their breath to quicken, and he can feel her, wanting to press closer, to have almost this attention.
Please, Jun.
He can't say no to Yuki.
**
Soutarou doesn't take them far away, he just takes his wrist and takes him (and Yuki, even though he doesn't know that) through them until they're alone, pressing him against the wall. Jun wants to close his eyes but Yuki doesn't let him until Soutarou's mouth is against his, until Soutarou is kissing him. Kissing them.
It's not a soft kiss, by far. He and Yuki don't have any experience, but Soutarou presses his body hard against Jun's, touches his tongue to Jun's mouth until Jun opens his lips, the kiss almost bruising. Soutarou pushes a leg between Jun's and Jun feels himself flushing: with the skirt he's wearing it's really easy to feel Soutarou's thigh, really hard not to just push against it. He can feel himself getting hard.
Soutarou lets go of his mouth, moves towards his neck and he bites, hard enough that Jun flinches. It's going to leave a mark, and he has no idea how he's going to hide it from Shin. Yuki moans through his lips, and Jun clings to Soutarou's arms, feeling the way his legs are trembling
“Never done this before, huh?” Soutarou asks, chuckling against his neck.
No, Jun thinks, but they have thought about it, for what it seems a thousand times. But it's hard, just like everything with them is. They think of girls and boys and they're never sure who's thinking about who, about what, and even just a simple thing like masturbating is difficult, sometimes, when there's no privacy, when they can't turn around when they're sharing one body, one heart.
Soutarou moves a hand between them, pressing it against Jun's crotch, rubbing at his cock over the skirt.
“Want to do it, then?” Soutarou asks, searching his face. Jun is struck by the fear in his eyes, wondering if Soutarou knows about it at all, or if he has lied to himself so much that he pretends it doesn't exist. “Eh, Jun-chan?”
Soutaro's hand moves under the hem of the skirt, under the panties, closing around his cock and Jun feels the way Yuki and he gasp. It's impossible, this time, for them to pretend that one is not feeling what the other is feeling, this time absolutely impossible to pretend that one of them is in the back; Yuki is right there, so close that he can almost believe he would touch her if he simply reached for her.
Jun... Yuki whispers.
“Yes,” Jun answers, cutting through Yuki's words, not wanting to listen to her.
“Well,” Soutaro looks at him and then he smirks, shaking his head, letting go of him. “Turn around.”
Jun pays attention to the way the wall feels against his hands, to the way it rubs against his face, to anything and everything as he hears a plastic tearing sound before he feels Soutaro's fingers wet against his hole, and he does his best not to tense. He still gasps when one of Soutaro's fingers push inside, shifting his legs a bit wider, tries moving against Soutarou's hand.
“Oh?” Soutarou croons, pressed against his back as he is. He pushes his finger again and Jun gasps, moving his own hand to cover his mouth. “Are you that desperate for it, then?”
He withdraws his finger, then pushing in with two, Jun gasps, still covering his mouth. Soutarou isn't being particularly careful but he's not being vicious, either, giving him enough time to get used to the feeling of fingers in his hole, to something spreading him over. Yuki is eerily quiet inside of him, but Jun doesn't want to focus on that, not right now. He uncovers his mouth, instead moving his hand to wrap around his cock, stroking it, simply wanting not to think, for once, having nothing to focus on but the way his heart beats, the way Soutarou's fingers stretch his hole.
Soutarou bites the back of his neck again as he takes out his fingers. Jun feels his legs shaking as the plastic tearing sound repeats itself, and then Soutarou's cock presses to his hole. Jun takes a deep breath and then he loses it as Soutarou presses inside him, an arm wrapped around his chest, his other hand on his hip.
“So tight...” Soutarou gasps against his ear. “Almost like a real girl.”
Jun bites his lips, stroking his cock. Don't think. Don't think, just like this. His heart is beating wildly inside his chest and he has stopped trying not to moan. One of Soutarou's hands curl tight around his shoulder, to pull him closer, silent but for the way he's huffing against his neck, so close that it's easier than breathing to hear his thoughts, his needs, so that Jun isn't sure if he's coming because he wanted to or because Soutarou was thinking about how good it would feel once he did.
Soutarou bites his neck again as he comes, moving his hips slowly as he finishes. Jun's legs are trembling, his hands dirty with come and the dirt of the wall, and he just feels tired. Even though Soutarou used a condom, he wants a bath.
“Not bad,” Soutarou says as he pulls out. Jun winces a bit, but at least he can lean a little more of his weight against the wall. Jun doesn't quite pull the panties on yet. “Say 'hi' to your brother from me.”
**
“Jun!” Shin is laughing, actually laughing, some sort of movie on the TV. Takuro-san is laughing as well, and even Kanaru-san and Megumi-san are laughing. Shin's eyes are bright for the first time in what seems forever. “We're having pizza! We're all putting in some money, so, what do you want in yours?”
“Sorry, niichan,” he says, not quite pausing. “I was hungry so I ate before coming home. Maybe save me a piece?”
He doesn't wait for Shin to say of course. Even if he hadn't said a thing, Shin would have saved him two pieces. One for Jun, and one for Yuki. It's always like this.
Jun lies down on his bed, curls around his side. He should go and bath.
Jun, Yuki says, the first time she has spoken to him at all since he ignored her. Are you mad? I'm sorry...
And she is, he knows it. It was always like this, too, when they were small, when they were two and they could be apart. If Yuki did something that actually hurt him, she would go to him and hug him tightly, because once upon a time they were one and then they were two and back then it had been unfair, that.
And now, they are two but they're just one, just him, and that's unfair, too, but he knows that's not her fault, and he knows he shouldn't feel like this, he shouldn't be so selfish about this.
“Don't sulk, Yuki,” he whispers, closing his eyes, trying to imagine that Yuki is actually in front of him, that he can hold her hand the way he's thinking of doing right now (the way that she's thinking of doing right now), “I'm fine, right? We're fine.”
She doesn't believe it, and neither does he, but they know better than saying anything at all, so Jun just closes his eyes, curls tightly on his side, while Yuki falls silent inside him once again.