Why Am I Gay?
Hi Guys!
How's your weekend so far? Hope it has been great so far.
This weekend, I decided to burn the midnight oil on Friday night, so that I can enjoy my Sat. So today, I gave myself a break from the books, and did all the things I like to do! Gym, watch movie, grocery shopping, and browsing through my numerous back issues of magazines which I didn't have time to read! Oh, btw, magazines are very cheap in US. Eg, Readers' Digest can cost up to S$100 per year in SG, but its only US$10 a year here in US!
Autumn is here already, (yes, and so is mid-autumn fest.. sigh,. but no moon cakes for me!) The leaves have started to fall, and the temp in the night has fallen to 5 to 6C. So its quite cold. There is this very nice patch of woods behind my apartment. Actually, there is a small stream behind my apartment block and there are small walk bridges that connects to the woods... so nice right! But I seldom have the time to enjoy the sights, and so today, I went for a walk. And as I was walking, this question suddenly came to my mind.... strange that I am asking this after so long..... "Why am I gay? Is it genetic, or by choice?"
Well, its not really that I am not ok with myself being gay, of cos at this stage, I have by and large accepted who I am, and I have wonderful gay friends in SG whom we derive mental support for each other. But lets face the fact, being gay is still being viewed as "abnormal", as we do not breed. There is absolutely no country in this world where the people accepts gays wholeheartedly. In fact, if the gay gene is found, we can all be almost certain, that the gay culture will die out in a few generations. So I googled ard, and seems like numerous scientific studies show that there is no gay gene.
I suppose I asked myself this question now because, I felt that being gay is a stumbling block in certain situations. For example, almost all the top positions, be it political, or corporate belongs to breeders. And mind u, being heterosexual is not sufficient. You have to be married AND have children (most preferably). This is because, being in a formed family unit, one is seen as more stable, mature and reliable, as it is not easy to raise another human being. And it is the truth, it takes a lot of responsibilities, dedication and committment, that are the same qualities required in the previously mentioned jobs.
In 2004, the former New Jersey Governor resigned as he decided to tell America that he is gay. There is an entirely different reason why he resigned, not only that he is gay, he had an affair with a man, and he chooses to be with the man. But he is also married to a woman with 2 kids. He has probably forgotten that partly why he got the job in the first place was that he is married with kids and viewed as "stable". I will probably do another posting next week on him... to be frank, try as I may to be understanding, I hate him. So, people, bis and gays, pls remember that it is very much more insulting and hurtful for a woman to find that her husband is sleeping with another man, than a woman. And the situation complicates when children are involved. They are totally innocent. So pls very much refrain from being in that Governor's situation.
Ok, back to the question on why am I gay. I found this article, and here are a few paragraphs which are interesting:
"Science has been searching for the origins of homosexuality since at least the 1930s, when early endocrinologists were hoping to find a glandular explanation for homosexuality. In the early 1990s, science seemed on the verge of finding a "gay gene". However, none of the "gay gene" studies have panned out. Even a 2000 study of nearly 5,000 Australian twins showed that, despite having identical genes, only 20 percent of male homosexuals and 24 percent of female homosexuals had a homosexual twin. To many researchers, these findings strengthen the argument that homosexuality stems more from outside influences than inborn genetics."
And then the article continues to talk abt other stuff like the effect of siblings, the hormones during conception etc... Remember that there is no one answer, and ALL are theories, or simple statistics. But I particular like this theory from Cornell Uni:
"Cornell University psychology professor Daryl J. Bem has theorized that biologically inherited temperament, played out through life experiences, determine sexual attraction.
His "Exotic Becomes Erotic" theory says that people become "erotically attached" to those "from whom they felt different during childhood."
Most boys find girls to be different, novel or "exotic," as Mr. Bem calls it. In a typical heterosexual scenario, girls' exotic stimuli produces nonsexual physical arousal in boys. If a boy thinks he is with a potential sexual partner, the physical arousal he feels can become an erotic attraction.
However, if a boy grows up feeling "different" from other boys - which might happen to a boy with a gentle or artistic temperament - he may come to view other boys as different, novel or "exotic." This may explain how men develop erotic attachments to other men, says Mr. Bem, who invites more research into his theory. "
Ha.... well... this theory actually fits me! Cos I remember when I was in primary school, (of cos I didn't know wat is sex then), I DO find boys more "exotic" than girls in a nonsexual context. Particularly, I was drawn to this male classmate of mine, who is talented in studies, athletics and violin.... most guys couldn't care less and was more interested in chasing skirts. I was very close to him then, and I always felt different from the other boys...
Do u recall any childhood incident that may fit this theory?
There are several gay movements that strive to break taboo, and integrate LGBTQ into culture so as to appear as "norm". It is an arduous task... just look at how long it took for the feminist movement to be successful (overly successful??). But lets face it, no matter how strong a movement is, there is still underlying unhappiness about the "not the norm", forced to be "norm". Eg, will US accept to have the first Black President (even if there is a good candidate available? etc..
Of cos, I am who I am, and there is no camp that can change my orientation overnight... it has been hardwired in me, that I check out guys' groin, chest, butt and everything instead of looking at a gal's boobs...Ha... :)
And what would I say if I had a choice to relive my life again and there is a choice to my orientation. Do I choose to be gay or straight? I don't know the answer to tat....
Being gay is deeper than clubbing and saunas..
Think abt it.
Wat are ur views?