The Sober Gay Man
And there is no man more extraordinary, more powerful or more creative than a sober gay man.
Society teaches us that we are inferior. Alcohol, drugs and compulsive sex make us feel otherwise. I'm not talking about social drinking, the occasional joint or casual sex. I'm talking about addiction and excess.
For those of us who fill the void and blunt the pain with excess, without liquor, drugs and compulsive promiscuity, the gay man must face the horrible and raw reality that he must believe in himself, define himself and find his own inner strength to defy the barrage of negative messages that assault him from the moment he becomes aware of his environment. If it is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger then who could possibly be stronger or nobler than a sober gay man?
We're denied the standard issue road maps. Heterosexuals in our society are handed the road map and then left to decide whether or not to follow it and to what extent.
Our "choice" is very different. We can surrender and live a life of lies. Or we can become an outlaw. Or, if we choose to be ourselves and pursue a life of honesty and joy, we must quickly learn the fine art and science of cartography. Many of us, even having chosen door number three, fail; it's very hard, but those who succeed define what it is to be gay: A true individual, a self-made success and a creative force without compare.
And it is not "gay" that rankles the mainstream, it's individuality and non-conformity.
True sobriety is a lifelong journey of sorting, weighing, testing, discarding, embracing, and generally keeping on. Yes, the pressures against all things gay are overt, even nasty. Yet we live in a culture which has institutionalized various bits and pieces of dependency, addiction, and escape - all means of maintaining conformity when so applied - and this more or less applies to everyone.
The journey into positive living as people lay themselves on the line to build good ways of being gay, fits well with the journey into lifelong recovery.
One of the very great blessings of these lifelong journeys is that we get to participate in, and support other people in their lifelong journeys to recovery, postive gay living, and many other forms of good living. Why, even people who look from the outside like they are just conforming can be inwardly discovering positive reasons and goals to which a going conformity remains blind or deaf or cold in heart.
(All I can say is that it is sometimes painful to be a sober gay man, but I hope it will work out well in the end.... )