Rant: Tale of the Sickly, Rejected Stage Whore
For some reason, I've decided to leave this entry public. Most people probably already think I'm crazy/a bitch/cocky, and if you don't, I'd like to take the time to convince you otherwise.
Today, Ms. Clapp released the long-awaited cast list for our drama festival play. I was really, really hoping to get the part of Ruth. Like, really, really. I got cast as...Jack's boss. Yes, another nameless two-line character to add to my resume! This upset me for several reasons.
First off, I've written a large amount of the play by myself. Including Ruth's three-page (at the moment) monologue that opens the play and kind of sets everything up. I worked really hard on that monologue, and I put a lot of my own personality into it. It's basically written in my own voice. Do you know how hard it is to watch someone on stage reading something that you wrote? Putting inflections in the wrong places, changing the scene I had in mind. It sucks.
Also, what happened to seniority and "paying your dues"? I've been in every Greenroom production since I entered that school, and it's done nothing for me. Freshman year I was in the chorus of "Working." It was fun, I did my best, and people kept saying, "When you're a freshman, you have to pay your dues. Sophomore year, I was cast as an understudy in "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown." Ok, there's always next year. I also worked on the backstage crew of "Complete Works of William Shakespeare- Abridged!" that year. Junior year, I had a smallish nameless role in "Pippin," while people who'd never been involved in the drama program before got bigger roles. Ok, next year I'll be a senior. It's my year. This year I decided to take play production, even though I knew it would mean I had three electives on my schedule. I briefly dropped out to take AP European History, but I decided that I really wanted to take play production. Dropping back into play production will have a negative effect on my GPA, possibly preventing me from keeping my number one class rank, and once again dropping my number of academic classes this year to four. But I really wanted to take play production. In the fall play, I had an ok role. I had lines and a name (for the first time ever), but it was by no means a lead role. Greenroom isn't doing a musical this year, which really disappointed me. I thought that this was my year, that maybe I'd get a lead in a musical for the very first time, something I'd been wanting for years. Instead, we're doing a couple short plays and some musical numbers. I got a medium-sized role in a short play, which really doesn't amount to much, the play being 20 minutes long and all. And then there's the drama fest thing. The only production I have left at the high school is the night of student-directed plays, and those aren't really as huge of a deal as drama fest is. And there is no next year.
I know I'm not a great actress, but I'm not incredibly horrible either. I just think it should mean something when you're dedicated and hard-working for several years, despite having really crappy roles. I don't think it's fair to keep giving the only leads to juniors who will probably get all the leads next year. There are so many talented actors in that class, and it's a shame that we only showcase a select few. It's also a shame that a lot of seniors got shafted, and this is really their last chance. I'd like to do drama and music stuff in college, but I know there's no way I'll be able to compete with people who are theater majors and music majors. Not if I can't even get a decent role in an amateur play.
I just feel like such a failure sometimes. I love being on stage, and I've been performing in some shape or form since I was in preschool. But what have I got to show for it? A bunch of pathetic dance recitals and plays, crappy roles and two-line characters. Oh boy.
Today, Ms. Clapp released the long-awaited cast list for our drama festival play. I was really, really hoping to get the part of Ruth. Like, really, really. I got cast as...Jack's boss. Yes, another nameless two-line character to add to my resume! This upset me for several reasons.
First off, I've written a large amount of the play by myself. Including Ruth's three-page (at the moment) monologue that opens the play and kind of sets everything up. I worked really hard on that monologue, and I put a lot of my own personality into it. It's basically written in my own voice. Do you know how hard it is to watch someone on stage reading something that you wrote? Putting inflections in the wrong places, changing the scene I had in mind. It sucks.
Also, what happened to seniority and "paying your dues"? I've been in every Greenroom production since I entered that school, and it's done nothing for me. Freshman year I was in the chorus of "Working." It was fun, I did my best, and people kept saying, "When you're a freshman, you have to pay your dues. Sophomore year, I was cast as an understudy in "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown." Ok, there's always next year. I also worked on the backstage crew of "Complete Works of William Shakespeare- Abridged!" that year. Junior year, I had a smallish nameless role in "Pippin," while people who'd never been involved in the drama program before got bigger roles. Ok, next year I'll be a senior. It's my year. This year I decided to take play production, even though I knew it would mean I had three electives on my schedule. I briefly dropped out to take AP European History, but I decided that I really wanted to take play production. Dropping back into play production will have a negative effect on my GPA, possibly preventing me from keeping my number one class rank, and once again dropping my number of academic classes this year to four. But I really wanted to take play production. In the fall play, I had an ok role. I had lines and a name (for the first time ever), but it was by no means a lead role. Greenroom isn't doing a musical this year, which really disappointed me. I thought that this was my year, that maybe I'd get a lead in a musical for the very first time, something I'd been wanting for years. Instead, we're doing a couple short plays and some musical numbers. I got a medium-sized role in a short play, which really doesn't amount to much, the play being 20 minutes long and all. And then there's the drama fest thing. The only production I have left at the high school is the night of student-directed plays, and those aren't really as huge of a deal as drama fest is. And there is no next year.
I know I'm not a great actress, but I'm not incredibly horrible either. I just think it should mean something when you're dedicated and hard-working for several years, despite having really crappy roles. I don't think it's fair to keep giving the only leads to juniors who will probably get all the leads next year. There are so many talented actors in that class, and it's a shame that we only showcase a select few. It's also a shame that a lot of seniors got shafted, and this is really their last chance. I'd like to do drama and music stuff in college, but I know there's no way I'll be able to compete with people who are theater majors and music majors. Not if I can't even get a decent role in an amateur play.
I just feel like such a failure sometimes. I love being on stage, and I've been performing in some shape or form since I was in preschool. But what have I got to show for it? A bunch of pathetic dance recitals and plays, crappy roles and two-line characters. Oh boy.