Ah, yes. How naps fuck up sleep schedules.
Well, it's 2:00 AM. It became 2 AM because I let time slip by and napped from 5:45 - 12:30 AM.
Instead of going to Liam's open-mic night that he really wanted me to attend, I figured that I'd stay in and take care of important shit. Unfortunately, take care of said "shit" I did not get to do, which sucks. It sucks because now tomorrow (my last free day this week) I have to:
* go to the dry cleaners and continue to have them find vinyl/polyurethane coverlets for my D&G jacket that they fucked up
* edit my cover letter to the Better Business Bureau/Montgomery Court Annex
* fill out my loan application
* fill out my FAFSA application by March 1st
* and do my taxes.
At least all my W-2's are in place, and since my father can no longer legally claim me as a dependent, I can file for the Hope Credit Tax Refund: $1500 flat.
So I'm buying a car with that. A shitty, low-priced car that I can actually enjoy. I.e., cars.com's '82 Datsun 280ZX for $1000.00 flat. I should be getting approximately $900 from the All-Night Deli in refunds, and $100 from Dean Special Risk, Inc. So, that should be neat. Monies.
School's going interestingly. I say interestingly because I'm not doing the best that I can, and I am fully cognizant of this. I've been smoking too much marijuana lately, and meanwhile everyone else has either stopped or barely smokes. Liam quit herb because he thought his WRTI internship would require drug-testing, so he prepared himself by quitting early. And he quit, cold turkey, both cloves and herb.
Maybe I should quit. Unfortunately it's a great social lubricant for me. All last week I had certain panic attacks due to all of the drama in my life that I try to avoid; I thought I was becoming agoraphobic. I don't even know how to approach some of my friends anymore - especially Mike (Spy). I guess it's just that I perceive him to be much younger and immature than the last time we spoke, and that in essence proposes the reason why I don't know how to relate to him anymore. Nobody drinks recreationally anymore - I know I don't. The last time I did was a couple of nights ago when I had learned that someone I was seeing was going behind my back with one of my co-workers.
Shots of Jack cured that. Thank God I didn't characteristically waste money for Valentine's Day. That's the bonus of being alone on that day, if it is the only one.
I really need to pick up with my studies, all in all. I really need to get a new job. I've become way less materialistic because so many people have been giving me variegated viewpoints, until I explain my angle. Then everyone understands. The fact of the matter is: I'm thrilled with working, yet I despise routine. When I get tired of routine, I buy certain "perks" to cheer me up because it comes to serve as a constant reminder that I've worked hard for this money, and I'm treating myself.
The time for treating has come to stop, and this upcoming D&G jacket, and Andrew MacKenzie griffin necklace; yeah - they'll be the last two purchases of that sort for a long time. It's time to focus on the larger picture; the larger aspect of change.
I'm goin' to sit down and try and work together my "turntable controller" for the PS3. I'm going to get back into guitar. Spring is in the air, and I'm going to get my bike fixed.
I'm going to work a schedule where I go to school in the morning from 8:40 - 12:30, and then go to Logan Square and cycle. I'm going to bartend from 6-11 PM, and make lots of money doing so. I will purchase a car with the tax refunds, and save all other income/revenue that comes my way - buying the occasional CD, book, or t-shirt.
Although I do aspire to get this nice YSL Rive Gauche jacket from YOOX. Alas, it's $905.00, leather, and supplies are limited. Perhaps if I design this "turntable controller" faster, while focused due to herb. . . I should really sketch this thing - in detail this time - during Music.
And I'm going to grow more marijuana.
Refund from YOOX = $165.00
Jacket & necklace = $70 + $65 = $135.00
Balance: $35.00
Reimbursement from father = $170.00
Sensi seeds = $80.00
Balance: $205.00 - $80.00 = 125.00
Check (2/17/05): $230.00
Balance: $355.00
Take bike to Keswick Cycle for new bearing cartridge in sprocket: $75.00 + parts
Check (2/24/05): $230.00
Estimated balance as of Friday, 2/25/05: $510.00
Birthday is coming up: hopefully my parents will be kind and get me this computer chip for my computer ($125.00)
And hopefully I get a check from my grandmother or something like that.
From that point on, it'll be saving, growing herb, bartending (hopefully), guitar, and graphic design. Christ, an odd little web I've gotten myself into, yes?
My life would be complete if I asked this girl out - that I see every day on the train. Do I have the time for a girlfriend though? A lot of people think that I'm unapproachable because I'm a sharp dresser. Sharp like a fucking knife, oddly enough. Some days I even think I'm unapproachable, only because I know of the rigid agenda that I have these days. I have TIME, per se, but not during the day. I like looking good, at least, and enjoy playing up my sexuality. Does that make me unapproachable? haha
I also have to see about orthodontic insurance through Temple University. That's one thing I'm willing to let remain the same. I need to get my lower-teeth fixed; this overcrowding situation is actually turning out worse than thought.
So much to do - so little time. Did I mention I'd like to get back into footbag freestyle? That would be the shit - but I don't even know where to begin with muscle memory rejuvenation. They don't teach that in meditation, haha.
So, tomorrow will be busy. Very busy. At least the simpler pleasures of life have become convenient, i.e., cleaning my room. 15 minute job, not even. 15 minutes including the stoned session before attempting to clean. And I've gotten much better with homework. (When I said performance in school slipping, I meant gumption to attend. For example: I skipped Calculus today, not even knowing if there was a quiz or not.)
I should ask that girl out tomorrow (today). It'd do me good.
On an interesting note: I had a day-dream where I had filmed a video that was the entire length of Savath + Savalas' "Folk Songs for Trains, Trees, and Honey" LP. It was stellar, and beyond gorgeous. All of this happened while I was high of course, thank God. Since my D&G sunglasses are blue-tinted, my world surrounding me felt great, as did the daydream. When "Transportation Theme" came on, the daydream shifted to my superego's reflection of me and a gorgeous woman in a bathtub full of pink, red, and white rose petals. The water was gently coming out of the faucet, and everything was in grayscale (except the petals). But even the grayscale was roseate.
That's why I enjoy marijuana, because it brings out my synaesthetic side. The kind I'd like to express during sex. During that daydream, there was a dynamic background voice, providing a definition of what sex should be. Something along the lines of stating that: "Sex should be similar to a choreographed dance, only it is based upon primordial instinct every single action. Whether experienced or novice, there should be some form of innocence to it, yet done with certain prowess that we take it to be from a memory deep rooted within our genetic make-up. It should be as fluid as breathing, blinking, or any other involuntary muscle motion; yet these days it is regarded as awkware, soulless, lustful, and so on. Bringing the instinct back to sex defies lust and treats it as a regular need that it actually is." Not Freudian per se, just.. naturalistic. A "back to mine" if you will.
It just put the "mood" of sex back in me, and was a great feeling to have on such a sunny day as today.
I've been listening to a lot of soundscapes lately. Savath + Savalas, Prefuse 73, DJ Shadow, Kruder & dorfmeister, Fila Brazilia, and so on. It's been nuts, as it's similar to what I hope to aspire sonically. The ability to actually paint a soundscape: a polyphonic texture woven intricately throughout a song. I think that a modern-day soundscape would be resemblant to that of a baroque/classical opera - only no annoyingly high-pitched notes. Kind of like listening to that album that you just can't skip over a single track. That's what I want to do - every time. Only with soundscapes. And then I'd like to have a separate project: that's why I feel Scott Herren's a prodigy (Prefuse 73, Savath + Savalas, Delarosa & Asora - all Scott Herren aliases).
41 minutes typing this. I'd say it's time to go. But what to wear? I'd say: black Jil Sander layering shirt; gray Corso Como 10 x Comme des Garçons t-shirt; brown Junya Watanabe MAN x Comme des Garçons jacket; yellow Unsigned scarf; khaki/custom tailored Guess? drawstring linens; blue/yellow Adidas Tuscany's; blue D&G sunglasses. It's sick how I match *sigh*. How'd I get to this point?
Good night,
- Shawn "Esselle"
Instead of going to Liam's open-mic night that he really wanted me to attend, I figured that I'd stay in and take care of important shit. Unfortunately, take care of said "shit" I did not get to do, which sucks. It sucks because now tomorrow (my last free day this week) I have to:
* go to the dry cleaners and continue to have them find vinyl/polyurethane coverlets for my D&G jacket that they fucked up
* edit my cover letter to the Better Business Bureau/Montgomery Court Annex
* fill out my loan application
* fill out my FAFSA application by March 1st
* and do my taxes.
At least all my W-2's are in place, and since my father can no longer legally claim me as a dependent, I can file for the Hope Credit Tax Refund: $1500 flat.
So I'm buying a car with that. A shitty, low-priced car that I can actually enjoy. I.e., cars.com's '82 Datsun 280ZX for $1000.00 flat. I should be getting approximately $900 from the All-Night Deli in refunds, and $100 from Dean Special Risk, Inc. So, that should be neat. Monies.
School's going interestingly. I say interestingly because I'm not doing the best that I can, and I am fully cognizant of this. I've been smoking too much marijuana lately, and meanwhile everyone else has either stopped or barely smokes. Liam quit herb because he thought his WRTI internship would require drug-testing, so he prepared himself by quitting early. And he quit, cold turkey, both cloves and herb.
Maybe I should quit. Unfortunately it's a great social lubricant for me. All last week I had certain panic attacks due to all of the drama in my life that I try to avoid; I thought I was becoming agoraphobic. I don't even know how to approach some of my friends anymore - especially Mike (Spy). I guess it's just that I perceive him to be much younger and immature than the last time we spoke, and that in essence proposes the reason why I don't know how to relate to him anymore. Nobody drinks recreationally anymore - I know I don't. The last time I did was a couple of nights ago when I had learned that someone I was seeing was going behind my back with one of my co-workers.
Shots of Jack cured that. Thank God I didn't characteristically waste money for Valentine's Day. That's the bonus of being alone on that day, if it is the only one.
I really need to pick up with my studies, all in all. I really need to get a new job. I've become way less materialistic because so many people have been giving me variegated viewpoints, until I explain my angle. Then everyone understands. The fact of the matter is: I'm thrilled with working, yet I despise routine. When I get tired of routine, I buy certain "perks" to cheer me up because it comes to serve as a constant reminder that I've worked hard for this money, and I'm treating myself.
The time for treating has come to stop, and this upcoming D&G jacket, and Andrew MacKenzie griffin necklace; yeah - they'll be the last two purchases of that sort for a long time. It's time to focus on the larger picture; the larger aspect of change.
I'm goin' to sit down and try and work together my "turntable controller" for the PS3. I'm going to get back into guitar. Spring is in the air, and I'm going to get my bike fixed.
I'm going to work a schedule where I go to school in the morning from 8:40 - 12:30, and then go to Logan Square and cycle. I'm going to bartend from 6-11 PM, and make lots of money doing so. I will purchase a car with the tax refunds, and save all other income/revenue that comes my way - buying the occasional CD, book, or t-shirt.
Although I do aspire to get this nice YSL Rive Gauche jacket from YOOX. Alas, it's $905.00, leather, and supplies are limited. Perhaps if I design this "turntable controller" faster, while focused due to herb. . . I should really sketch this thing - in detail this time - during Music.
And I'm going to grow more marijuana.
Refund from YOOX = $165.00
Jacket & necklace = $70 + $65 = $135.00
Balance: $35.00
Reimbursement from father = $170.00
Sensi seeds = $80.00
Balance: $205.00 - $80.00 = 125.00
Check (2/17/05): $230.00
Balance: $355.00
Take bike to Keswick Cycle for new bearing cartridge in sprocket: $75.00 + parts
Check (2/24/05): $230.00
Estimated balance as of Friday, 2/25/05: $510.00
Birthday is coming up: hopefully my parents will be kind and get me this computer chip for my computer ($125.00)
And hopefully I get a check from my grandmother or something like that.
From that point on, it'll be saving, growing herb, bartending (hopefully), guitar, and graphic design. Christ, an odd little web I've gotten myself into, yes?
My life would be complete if I asked this girl out - that I see every day on the train. Do I have the time for a girlfriend though? A lot of people think that I'm unapproachable because I'm a sharp dresser. Sharp like a fucking knife, oddly enough. Some days I even think I'm unapproachable, only because I know of the rigid agenda that I have these days. I have TIME, per se, but not during the day. I like looking good, at least, and enjoy playing up my sexuality. Does that make me unapproachable? haha
I also have to see about orthodontic insurance through Temple University. That's one thing I'm willing to let remain the same. I need to get my lower-teeth fixed; this overcrowding situation is actually turning out worse than thought.
So much to do - so little time. Did I mention I'd like to get back into footbag freestyle? That would be the shit - but I don't even know where to begin with muscle memory rejuvenation. They don't teach that in meditation, haha.
So, tomorrow will be busy. Very busy. At least the simpler pleasures of life have become convenient, i.e., cleaning my room. 15 minute job, not even. 15 minutes including the stoned session before attempting to clean. And I've gotten much better with homework. (When I said performance in school slipping, I meant gumption to attend. For example: I skipped Calculus today, not even knowing if there was a quiz or not.)
I should ask that girl out tomorrow (today). It'd do me good.
On an interesting note: I had a day-dream where I had filmed a video that was the entire length of Savath + Savalas' "Folk Songs for Trains, Trees, and Honey" LP. It was stellar, and beyond gorgeous. All of this happened while I was high of course, thank God. Since my D&G sunglasses are blue-tinted, my world surrounding me felt great, as did the daydream. When "Transportation Theme" came on, the daydream shifted to my superego's reflection of me and a gorgeous woman in a bathtub full of pink, red, and white rose petals. The water was gently coming out of the faucet, and everything was in grayscale (except the petals). But even the grayscale was roseate.
That's why I enjoy marijuana, because it brings out my synaesthetic side. The kind I'd like to express during sex. During that daydream, there was a dynamic background voice, providing a definition of what sex should be. Something along the lines of stating that: "Sex should be similar to a choreographed dance, only it is based upon primordial instinct every single action. Whether experienced or novice, there should be some form of innocence to it, yet done with certain prowess that we take it to be from a memory deep rooted within our genetic make-up. It should be as fluid as breathing, blinking, or any other involuntary muscle motion; yet these days it is regarded as awkware, soulless, lustful, and so on. Bringing the instinct back to sex defies lust and treats it as a regular need that it actually is." Not Freudian per se, just.. naturalistic. A "back to mine" if you will.
It just put the "mood" of sex back in me, and was a great feeling to have on such a sunny day as today.
I've been listening to a lot of soundscapes lately. Savath + Savalas, Prefuse 73, DJ Shadow, Kruder & dorfmeister, Fila Brazilia, and so on. It's been nuts, as it's similar to what I hope to aspire sonically. The ability to actually paint a soundscape: a polyphonic texture woven intricately throughout a song. I think that a modern-day soundscape would be resemblant to that of a baroque/classical opera - only no annoyingly high-pitched notes. Kind of like listening to that album that you just can't skip over a single track. That's what I want to do - every time. Only with soundscapes. And then I'd like to have a separate project: that's why I feel Scott Herren's a prodigy (Prefuse 73, Savath + Savalas, Delarosa & Asora - all Scott Herren aliases).
41 minutes typing this. I'd say it's time to go. But what to wear? I'd say: black Jil Sander layering shirt; gray Corso Como 10 x Comme des Garçons t-shirt; brown Junya Watanabe MAN x Comme des Garçons jacket; yellow Unsigned scarf; khaki/custom tailored Guess? drawstring linens; blue/yellow Adidas Tuscany's; blue D&G sunglasses. It's sick how I match *sigh*. How'd I get to this point?
Good night,
- Shawn "Esselle"