Here, Every Step Of The Way; Minho/Key
In which Kibum gives up but Minho still believes in him.
Author's Note: based on the above fan edit and the brilliant prompt (found at the end of the story) by atkluna. this is set in an alternate universe, and I used SHINe as the group name before realising i read it somewhere before. so credits to jalousied for the name (and anyone who might have used it before, sorry for the similarities but i have absolutely no bad intentions)! other than that, happy reading, and thank you for finding your way here and taking the time to read it! ♥
When Kim Kibum first stepped into SM Entertainment, it finally hit him that he was one step closer to his dream. And there was more to it too. The 15 year old soon realised something else. This dream of his wasn’t just his to achieve, it was shared by so many others. Yes, Kibum was happy that he was finally in a practice room of trainees who understood exactly what he loved doing, why he was so passionate about his dream and what he ultimately wanted in life.
But when Kibum witnessed how his fellow trainees were more talented than him, had more experience than him, some even more deserving to achieve their dream than him, he realised that these people were his competition, his obstacles to making his dream come true. And so, Kibum kept his guard up and decided not to open up to the trainees who practiced with him day and night for fear of exposing his weakness. It helped that they didn’t have much time to make friends anyway since the training was intense and everyone mostly only cared about themselves; but of course, no matter how hectic life in the practice rooms could get, there would always be a time for break. And that was when Kibum got to know Choi Minho.
*
It happened when Kibum was looking high and low for his water bottle in his own little space at the back of the practice room. Just as he emptied out his backpack and realised he didn’t bring his water bottle along with him, a bottle of mineral water appeared in his vision. Kibum instantly looked up and realised it was the silent but outstanding trainee who was offering him the bottle. Kibum knew his name was Choi Minho because, well, who didn’t?
Minho was outstanding not only because of his good looks that made almost every other person (both boys and girls) pale in comparison, but also because although he was not one of the strongest vocally, he still had a voice that could capture the attention of every single person. And mind you, this was a voice that couldn’t be heard often since Minho wasn’t exactly talkative. Even so, he was naturally charismatic and that just made him well loved by everyone especially the senior trainees of whom Minho was close to and spent considerable amount of time with. That was also the reason why Kibum was surprised that of all the trainees in the room, it was Minho who came to his help. It certainly never crossed his mind that he and Minho would ever interact. Yet, here he was now, taking the bottle from Minho because he desperately needed the water.
“Thanks.”
Minho smiled. Kibum thought he would go away then but no, Minho was still standing there.
“Umm…” Kibum’s neck was already hurting a little from looking up at Minho, “Can I drink this?”
Minho nodded as he sat down beside Kibum who wasted no time in opening the bottle and finally quenching his thirst.
As Kibum drank, Minho finally broke his silence, “You don’t have to talk formally to me.”
“Sorry?” Kibum said, taking the water bottle away from his lips once he heard Minho speak.
“We’re the same age.” Minho simply replied, looking thoughtfully at Kibum.
Kibum nodded and that was all he could do because he didn’t know what else to say.
“Are you done?” Minho asked as he eyed the bottle in Kibum’s hand.
Once again, Kibum nodded but this time round, managed to find some words to say, “Thanks. I really needed this.”
In reply, Minho flashed him a similar smile from before. Just as Kibum was wondering what would happen next, Minho reached towards him, smoothly taking the bottle out of his hands, and began drinking the remaining water that was left in the bottle. Kibum could only watch with wide eyes when it hit him that they were drinking from the same bottle.
“You…” Kibum was speechless, confused that Minho was drinking from what was supposed to be his water bottle.
After swallowing a mouthful of water, Minho smiled embarrassedly as he pointed at the bottle in his hand, “I, umm, only have one.”
Kibum frowned, “Then why did you give me yours?”
“You don’t have your water bottle with you right?” Minho questioned back.
“Yes but-”
“Don’t worry about it.” Shaking his head, Minho interrupted Kibum with a warm smile, “It’s no big deal.”
Except Kibum knew it was, well, sort of a big deal… because that was when he realised Minho was a friend worth having.
*
As the senior trainees Minho were close to debuted one after another, Kibum and Minho spent more and more time with each other. The amount of classes and practice sessions they had to attend didn’t give them much time to get to know each other but it was the free time in between their hectic activities which strengthened their friendship. Still, if neither Minho nor Kibum made the effort to spend that little but valuable free time together, they wouldn’t be able to make a habit out of relaxing on the rooftop just to relieve their stress and enjoy each other’s company.
It had been months since Kibum first talked to Minho and he had already lost count of the number of times they had escaped to the rooftop. Naturally, the same aged friends grew closer and closer each day, learning more about the other to the extent that they could understand one another without saying anything. Even so, Kibum still couldn’t believe he was friends with Minho. The reason was simple - the more Kibum got to know Minho, the more he found out that the silently outstanding trainee was nothing like him. It wasn’t just that; Minho also proved to be different from how Kibum thought he would be. For one, he was rather talkative contrary to popular belief.
They had nothing in common, almost complete opposites, save for the similar dream they shared. Their personalities clashed so drastically that it was probably better if they never had the chance to interact. Escaping to the rooftop was meant to help them find some peace and quiet but whenever they were together, they always ended up getting on each other’s nerves and arguing until someone had nothing better to say. More often than not, they were at loggerheads with each other, both petty and stubborn in their own ways, but it was precisely because of this that helped them forget all about the stresses of daily life and simply enjoy being the teenagers they were.
It was one of those rare nights where both of them were exhausted from training and needed to take a breather. Instead of the usual bickering, Kibum and Minho remained silent and simply gazed at the night sky. They were both absorbed in their own thoughts until Kibum turned his face towards Minho and punched him lightly on his arm.
“Hey Minho?”
“Yeah?”
“What keeps you going?”
Minho turned to look at Kibum with a puzzled expression.
“Why ask?”
Kibum shrugged, “Just curious… you’ve been here longer than me, and seen how your hyung-deul became Super Junior but it doesn’t seem to affect your spirit at all.”
Minho frowned, “Why should it affect me?”
“Don’t you feel demoralised?” Kibum asked and then wondered out loud, “Don’t tell me that even a tiny part of you hasn’t felt like giving up after all these months, years of training…”
Minho was visibly confused as he shook his head and Kibum instantly knew Minho had never thought about giving up before. He let out a breath and then repeated his question.
“Alright then, so, tell me… what keeps you going?”
Minho looked thoughtfully at Kibum for a moment before a smile tugged on one corner of his lips and he finally answered Kibum’s question.
“I just have absolute faith in myself.”
Kibum had the urge to smack Minho on his arm for being so full of himself but he held himself back when his chingu continued to explain.
“And I trust that the company knows what they’re doing...” Minho said before he added on, “I guess I’m just not ready yet… so it’s not the right time. Once it is though, I’m sure my time will come… yours too, bum.”
Minho’s words were full of determination and certainty that a part of Kibum felt bad that he was even having doubts.
Nodding at Minho’s words, Kibum then looked back at the sky and muttered to himself, “I should probably have more faith in myself then…”
If Minho wasn’t stuck in his own thoughts, he would have heard what Kibum said and perhaps noticed there was more to Kibum’s question. But since he wasn’t being entirely honest with Kibum, silence surrounded them instead when Minho could have sounded Kibum out. They were both caught up with their own thoughts; Kibum gazing at the night sky while Minho kept his eyes on Kibum. Because the truth was, there was something else, or rather, someone else that kept Minho going which he didn’t share with Kibum. And well, Minho was looking right at him.
*
A couple of weeks later, Minho’s time had come. If Kibum didn’t understand what Minho was saying before about being ready and waiting for the right time, he did now.
The company had selected Minho, along with three others, to form (what they termed as) a contemporary band and be the next big thing under SM Entertainment. It was a project that the company kept secret not only from the media but also internally, with only a handful of employees involved in the making of this contemporary band. Word only started to get around when the trainees themselves slowly realised that four of their fellow trainees went missing. The speculations began and many questions were asked, most of which were directed to Kibum and another trainee called Kim Jongin who everyone knew were the closest to two of the trainees that disappeared. Of course Kibum knew. Yet, he couldn’t and didn’t want to answer any of the questions as he retreated back into his shell and kept silent, refusing to deal with any of these busybodies.
The day Minho was called into the office and then informed that he was going to be placed under special training to prepare for his debut was the most difficult day Kibum had to go through. Minho had texted him the good news almost immediately after he was out of the office. When Kibum saw the message on his way to the company, he was thrilled, overjoyed, even relieved for Minho that his time had finally arrived. He immediately sent Minho a text congratulating him and wishing him all the best.
However, as the news sank in, Kibum’s heart sank too. He suddenly realised how life was about to change with Minho no longer around. Minho didn’t have to tell him anything more for Kibum to know that he would be placed under special training by the company. And special meant special; because in the following weeks, it felt as if Minho had vanished into thin air. Kibum no longer saw Minho around the company. It was probably the company’s idea for Minho and the other chosen few to go into seclusion so as to ensure they were completely focused as their debut date drew closer and closer. And so, Kibum’s trips to the rooftop were made alone, he no longer had a close (best?) friend in the practice rooms, and everything went back to how it was before he met Minho.
Well, at least, as busy as Minho was preparing for his debut, he never once forgot about Kibum. Kibum received the occasional text messages and phone calls, and sometimes, took the initiative to leave encouraging messages to Minho. All these didn’t come often but when they did, their conversations lasted long and well into the night, and were definitely the reason behind their dark eye circles. Kibum didn’t say it out loud, but he was thankful that his friendship with Minho wasn’t affected even though they didn’t have the chance to meet each other in person. Although Minho was one step ahead of him, Kibum still felt like they were going through everything together. In fact, Minho had called him the night before his official debut stage because he needed someone to talk to and Kibum was the first and only person that popped up in his mind.
“What are you nervous about, dumbass?” Kibum rolled his eyes even though Minho couldn’t see him, “You know the dance and the song at the back of your hand!”
“I can’t help it, bum!” Minho retorted, “I just think about the stage, the lights, the cameras, the fans… oh wait, what if no one watches us? Oh no I think I’m going to-”
“Shut up.” Kibum had no wish to hear any more of Minho’s unnecessary worries, “What happened to the person who had absolute faith in himself?”
“I think he ran away?”
“Slap yourself, you idiot.” Kibum was annoyed at this bundle of nerves Minho had become, “You’ll be fine. You’ll do well. Trust me, you’ve worked your whole life for this… just soak in the moment and enjoy yourself!”
“You really think everything will be fine?” Minho asked.
“Yes.” Kibum said confidently, “But if you don’t hang up the phone right now and get your beauty sleep, you can forget about looking fresh and performing well tomorrow.”
Minho laughed, “Alright, I get it. I’ve been annoying you, haven’t I?”
Kibum sighed, “What are friends for?”
“Thanks bum.”
Kibum couldn’t see Minho but he could picture how his close friend must be smiling right now.
“Hey Kibum?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m looking forward to the day you join me on stage.”
“Me too.” Kibum replied, as a bitter smile appeared on his face, “Let’s hope it’ll come soon.”
“It will… just don’t give up alright?”
“I’ll try.” Kibum said, “Now hang up the phone and go to sleep.”
“Night, Kibum.” Minho decided to be obedient but before he ended the call, there was one last thing he needed to say.
“Don’t forget to catch me on tv at 5.30pm alright!”
With that, the call ended. And Kibum was left lying in bed, wondering when he would ever get to say a sentence like that.
*
It took three years, almost four, for Kibum to stop wondering about when his time would come. As Minho’s, along with SHINe’s (his group’s name), popularity rose day by the day, Kibum’s resolve broke little by little until he was left with no more. Kibum finally decided enough was enough; his dream was just going to remain a dream. It was time to move on, stop his wishful thinking and get back to reality. Reality meant that he had to stop living off his parents and get a job. And so, Kibum returned to school and continued his studies.
Despite how busy Minho was, Kibum still couldn’t keep it a secret from his best friend. Yes, Kibum couldn’t deny anymore that Minho meant that much to him, and this was precisely why he didn’t want Minho to know about the fact that he had given up. It was enough that he had disappointed himself, he really didn’t need to disappoint Minho as well. Still, Minho found out after he became suspicious when Kibum went through a difficult period of time where he was obviously hiding things from Minho. Minho had eventually gone to check with the management about Kibum and that was when he found out the truth.
To Kibum’s relief, Minho never did lecture him or express his disappointment about the matter. In fact, they never talked about it much. All Minho did was be the friend Kibum loved as he silently listened and showed his care and concern in the way Kibum appreciated. Even though Kibum knew he had let Minho down, he knew Minho was still going to support him in everything he did. Just like how Kibum supported Minho in whatever ways he could.
Although Kibum ended up busy with his studies, pursuing a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Musical Theatre, he still tried his best to support Minho at his performances especially at his concerts. It was hard to watch every performance that SHINe did since the band was everywhere what with their increasing popularity but Kibum was always there for the crucial ones, like for example, their comeback shows. Today was one of those days where SHINe was having a mini concert to celebrate their fifth anniversary and Kibum made sure he was personally there to show his support for Minho.
Gifted with an all access pass courtesy of his best friend, Kibum found himself wandering backstage before the show started, trying to figure out where he could find Minho so he could offer his congratulations to his best friend as well as the group. The backstage was a whirl of activities with the crew busy preparing the stage and props for the concert, the staff running around making sure everyone’s needs were met, the stylists rushing here and there with costumes and dry cleaned clothes for the performance later and SHINe themselves being fussed about by their makeup artists as well as managers. This Kibum saw when he finally found the group’s waiting room, the door left wide open because it was too troublesome closing it what with the staff running in and out.
It was easy for Kibum to spot Minho at first glance. Minho had spotted him too, instantly flashing him a smile and waving at him before signalling for Kibum to come in. Kibum returned a smile but shook his head as he chose to stand aside at the corridor outside first and wait until Minho was ready. He knew it really wasn’t a good time to intrude while his best friend was getting his makeup done. As he stood by himself and remained still amidst all the hustle and bustle, Kibum took in the entire atmosphere backstage. Just like that, a rush of emotions flooded him. This was his dream. This was everything he wanted but never achieved. This was supposed to be what he should be going through. This was supposed to be him. Yet, this was all that he was missing out because he had given up. Just because he didn’t persevere and lost faith in himself, his dream had never come true.
A wave of disappointment hit Kibum. He never allowed himself to brood over the matter since it was his choice to give up and he never liked looking back but now that he was standing here in the middle of what was supposed to be his dream, Kibum never regretted giving up more than he did now. He had let himself down. It hurt him so much that he couldn’t control the tears that had welled up in his eyes. And in the next moment, Kibum walked away as fast as he could before the tears fell. He needed to get a grip on himself before he faced Minho.
But obviously, as fate would have it, it was too late.
Minho had looked to Kibum’s direction just when his makeup was finally done only to see his best friend turn and walk away. Minho immediately followed after Kibum, trying to catch up with him. He was stopped a couple of times to greet the other guests invited to their concert, but all the while never letting Kibum, who had walked to the end of corridor and disappeared behind a door that presumably led to the stairwell, out of his sight. Pushing open the door, Minho’s eyes instantly met Kibum’s. In the next second though, Kibum had looked away. Still, that one look was enough for Minho to know something wasn’t right.
“What is it, bum?” Minho asked as the door closed behind him and he walked closer to his best friend, “Talk to me.”
Kibum shook his head, putting a smile on his face before he met Minho’s eyes once again.
“It’s nothing you should be worried about.” Kibum breathed out, “I’m fine… I just didn’t want to be standing there obstructing everyone’s way so I’m here now.”
“You know you’re not making any sense right now?” Minho wasn’t convinced with Kibum’s poor explanation.
“I am… you’re just reading too much into things.” Kibum waved his hand dismissively.
“How long have I known you, Kibummie?” Minho asked instead, not expecting a reply as he continued, “Do you think I wouldn’t know when something is wrong? You can’t fool me, bum.”
“Then you should know better not to force me to talk when I don’t feel like talking!” Kibum couldn’t hold back his frustration with Minho cornering him like this.
He wanted to run away, to escape from his best friend at this very moment, but before Kibum could even take any action, Minho, as if proving his point, took a few steps forward and trapped him between his own body and the wall, lifting his arm up and resting his hand against the wall to stop Kibum from going anywhere.
“You’re going to have to leave sooner or later, Minho.” Kibum simply said, staring into Minho’s eyes, “Your concert is starting soon.”
Minho shrugged, “I think it wouldn’t make much of a difference if I even perform since I’ll be going on stage all distracted and worried because of you.”
“Don’t you dare do that, Choi Minho.” Kibum glared at his best friend, “It’s enough that I feel bad about myself, I don’t need you to make me feel even worse right now.”
The moment Kibum realised that he had revealed too much, Minho’s brows had knitted into a frown. Kibum knew then it was too late to take his words back. His head dropped low in an attempt to hide from Minho’s concerned gaze but Minho was certainly not going to let it go as he reached out to gently hold Kibum’s chin and tilt his face up.
“The last thing I want is for you to feel bad about yourself, bum.” Minho said as he moved his hand away from Kibum’s chin but remained standing close to Kibum, “Tell me what’s wrong… please?”
It took a moment of Kibum just looking at Minho before he finally decided he couldn’t keep anything from his best friend anymore.
“I feel like a complete failure, Minho.” Kibum confessed after taking in a deep breath, “If I only persevered that little bit more… if only I didn’t give up on my dreams… I could have been standing where you are right now, I could have gone on to achieve what you have. If only… if only I didn’t give up on myself…”
By then, Kibum was holding back a fresh round of tears. Looking down once more, he bit his bottom lip and kept quiet for a moment to compose himself because god knows he had so much more to say and crying his heart out, especially in front of Minho, was the last thing he wanted to do right now.
Minho shook his head, “Bum, it’s not you… the company didn’t do its part to-”
“No, it’s not the company.” Kibum shook his head, “Look at me… and look at you. You’re not only talented… but you’re so god damn attractive. I know exactly why I wasn’t picked.”
Minho couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He placed his hands on Kibum’s shoulders and shook his best friend lightly.
“How can you think about yourself like that?” Minho sighed, “How could you? You don’t even know, Kibum… you don’t even know.”
Minho let out a sad laugh, one that made Kibum feel how frustrated, helpless and defeated his best friend was, one that got Kibum so confused about the current situation. Shouldn’t he be the one who was supposed to be in despair? Why was Minho suddenly looking as if he was just about ready to give up on the world?
Seeing that Minho was moving away from him, Kibum naturally reached out to hold Minho’s waist, pulling his best friend back to him as he met Minho’s sad eyes and silently pleaded for him to tell him what was wrong. Minho let out a breath as he cornered Kibum once more, leaning over him with a face so serious and sincere that Kibum found himself captivated by the man towering over him. All of Kibum’s attention was on his best friend as he finally broke his silence.
“Nonsense, Kibum, all that you said was complete and utter nonsense.” Minho began, reaching out to cup Kibum’s face in his hand and stroking his cheek lovingly, “I wish you knew how amazing you are that my eyes see only you… You’re so beautiful that sometimes I stare at you and I forget how to breathe… And I admit, a part of me is thankful that you gave up because I don’t want anyone else to see what I see in you.”
Taking in a deep breath, Minho then leaned his forehead against Kibum, their noses gently brushing against each other as he muttered in his deep voice, “If you could only see how selfish I want to be when it comes to anything that has to do with you…”
Kibum didn’t dare to move with Minho invading his personal space and suddenly being so intimate with him. He didn’t even dare breathe or look Minho in the eyes and so he naturally closed them. But of course, that wasn’t the best thing to do because the next thing Kibum knew, he felt a warm press of lips on his own. Kibum’s eyes instantly flew open in shock. And apparently, he wasn’t the only one surprised by the action because Minho was looking back at him with a similar expression, perhaps even more shocked than him.
“I’m sorry, I just- you were- and I-”
Kibum didn’t know why he did what he did next but he pulled Minho back towards him, leaning forward at the same time, and saved Minho from making a further fool out of himself with a kiss. Not that it helped Minho one bit since he was even more shocked than before by the time they broke apart. Well, at least the smile on Kibum’s face proved that something good had come out of his momentary breakdown.
“I didn’t know you felt this way about me, Minho…” Kibum admitted before he pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Minho’s lips, “But I know now... thank you.”
“My pleasure?” Minho blinked, saying the first thing that came into his mind before he realised how stupid he sounded and he quickly shook his head, “Please forget I said that and remember how I am on normal days.”
Kibum laughed, suddenly finding himself in such a good mood that he went on to tease, “But I like you like that…”
“Oh.” A grin appeared on Minho’s face, “Then I guess it’s fine… as long as you continue to like me.”
Kibum paused for a moment, staring curiously at the idiot in front of him, before he wondered out loud, “How you are able to make your fans go crazy over you is something I would never understand…”
“Probably the same way I got that second kiss from you, bum.” Minho shrugged as he smirked at Kibum, his arms circling around Kibum’s waist and pulling him into a hug, “And the third one too.”
Kibum rolled his eyes, “Don’t you have somewhere you need to be?”
“Way to spoil the moment, bummie.” Minho sighed, “Do I have to?”
Kibum couldn’t even be bothered to give the obvious answer. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Minho’s shoulder, giving him a tight hug, before he gently removed Minho’s arms from his waist and stepped out of his embrace.
As happy as he was from the hug, Minho still wasn’t satisfied.
“Damn it, I finally have you right where I always wanted you and yet I can’t enjoy this moment.”
“Well, think about it this way, your boyfriend will be watching you when you perform your heart out later.”
“Boyfriend huh?” Minho’s smirk returned as Kibum took the initiative to leave the stairwell.
Kibum swiftly turned on his heel as he pointed a finger at Minho’s face, “Shut up.”
Obviously, Minho chose to ignore Kibum’s demand as he followed closely behind his boyfriend and continued to annoy him.
“I like that… I really like that, can you say it again?”
“Don’t make me regret what I said, Minho.”
“Nah, you wouldn’t… you always make the best decisions, Kibum. I have absolute faith in you... it’s no different this time round.”
“Idiot.”
As annoyed as his tone was, Kibum was smiling but Minho didn’t need to know that. There was no need to make the guy even happier than he already was.
*
True, Kibum’s dream didn’t come true… but at least it led him to a special someone that made, and was going to make, everything else he wished for come true.
^^
(Besides, who was he to complain when he was the envy of thousands of fans? Whether they knew it or not, Kibum was all Choi Minho could see. As he watched Minho perform on stage, Kibum knew his boyfriend was trying to spot him in the crowd. When he did, Minho broke into a smile so wide that Kibum noticed he missed the next dance move. It was then that Kibum couldn’t help but feel so smug about the fact that Minho was his.
Take that, fangirls! Hah!)
Author's Note: based on the above fan edit and the brilliant prompt (found at the end of the story) by atkluna. this is set in an alternate universe, and I used SHINe as the group name before realising i read it somewhere before. so credits to jalousied for the name (and anyone who might have used it before, sorry for the similarities but i have absolutely no bad intentions)! other than that, happy reading, and thank you for finding your way here and taking the time to read it! ♥
When Kim Kibum first stepped into SM Entertainment, it finally hit him that he was one step closer to his dream. And there was more to it too. The 15 year old soon realised something else. This dream of his wasn’t just his to achieve, it was shared by so many others. Yes, Kibum was happy that he was finally in a practice room of trainees who understood exactly what he loved doing, why he was so passionate about his dream and what he ultimately wanted in life.
But when Kibum witnessed how his fellow trainees were more talented than him, had more experience than him, some even more deserving to achieve their dream than him, he realised that these people were his competition, his obstacles to making his dream come true. And so, Kibum kept his guard up and decided not to open up to the trainees who practiced with him day and night for fear of exposing his weakness. It helped that they didn’t have much time to make friends anyway since the training was intense and everyone mostly only cared about themselves; but of course, no matter how hectic life in the practice rooms could get, there would always be a time for break. And that was when Kibum got to know Choi Minho.
*
It happened when Kibum was looking high and low for his water bottle in his own little space at the back of the practice room. Just as he emptied out his backpack and realised he didn’t bring his water bottle along with him, a bottle of mineral water appeared in his vision. Kibum instantly looked up and realised it was the silent but outstanding trainee who was offering him the bottle. Kibum knew his name was Choi Minho because, well, who didn’t?
Minho was outstanding not only because of his good looks that made almost every other person (both boys and girls) pale in comparison, but also because although he was not one of the strongest vocally, he still had a voice that could capture the attention of every single person. And mind you, this was a voice that couldn’t be heard often since Minho wasn’t exactly talkative. Even so, he was naturally charismatic and that just made him well loved by everyone especially the senior trainees of whom Minho was close to and spent considerable amount of time with. That was also the reason why Kibum was surprised that of all the trainees in the room, it was Minho who came to his help. It certainly never crossed his mind that he and Minho would ever interact. Yet, here he was now, taking the bottle from Minho because he desperately needed the water.
“Thanks.”
Minho smiled. Kibum thought he would go away then but no, Minho was still standing there.
“Umm…” Kibum’s neck was already hurting a little from looking up at Minho, “Can I drink this?”
Minho nodded as he sat down beside Kibum who wasted no time in opening the bottle and finally quenching his thirst.
As Kibum drank, Minho finally broke his silence, “You don’t have to talk formally to me.”
“Sorry?” Kibum said, taking the water bottle away from his lips once he heard Minho speak.
“We’re the same age.” Minho simply replied, looking thoughtfully at Kibum.
Kibum nodded and that was all he could do because he didn’t know what else to say.
“Are you done?” Minho asked as he eyed the bottle in Kibum’s hand.
Once again, Kibum nodded but this time round, managed to find some words to say, “Thanks. I really needed this.”
In reply, Minho flashed him a similar smile from before. Just as Kibum was wondering what would happen next, Minho reached towards him, smoothly taking the bottle out of his hands, and began drinking the remaining water that was left in the bottle. Kibum could only watch with wide eyes when it hit him that they were drinking from the same bottle.
“You…” Kibum was speechless, confused that Minho was drinking from what was supposed to be his water bottle.
After swallowing a mouthful of water, Minho smiled embarrassedly as he pointed at the bottle in his hand, “I, umm, only have one.”
Kibum frowned, “Then why did you give me yours?”
“You don’t have your water bottle with you right?” Minho questioned back.
“Yes but-”
“Don’t worry about it.” Shaking his head, Minho interrupted Kibum with a warm smile, “It’s no big deal.”
Except Kibum knew it was, well, sort of a big deal… because that was when he realised Minho was a friend worth having.
*
As the senior trainees Minho were close to debuted one after another, Kibum and Minho spent more and more time with each other. The amount of classes and practice sessions they had to attend didn’t give them much time to get to know each other but it was the free time in between their hectic activities which strengthened their friendship. Still, if neither Minho nor Kibum made the effort to spend that little but valuable free time together, they wouldn’t be able to make a habit out of relaxing on the rooftop just to relieve their stress and enjoy each other’s company.
It had been months since Kibum first talked to Minho and he had already lost count of the number of times they had escaped to the rooftop. Naturally, the same aged friends grew closer and closer each day, learning more about the other to the extent that they could understand one another without saying anything. Even so, Kibum still couldn’t believe he was friends with Minho. The reason was simple - the more Kibum got to know Minho, the more he found out that the silently outstanding trainee was nothing like him. It wasn’t just that; Minho also proved to be different from how Kibum thought he would be. For one, he was rather talkative contrary to popular belief.
They had nothing in common, almost complete opposites, save for the similar dream they shared. Their personalities clashed so drastically that it was probably better if they never had the chance to interact. Escaping to the rooftop was meant to help them find some peace and quiet but whenever they were together, they always ended up getting on each other’s nerves and arguing until someone had nothing better to say. More often than not, they were at loggerheads with each other, both petty and stubborn in their own ways, but it was precisely because of this that helped them forget all about the stresses of daily life and simply enjoy being the teenagers they were.
It was one of those rare nights where both of them were exhausted from training and needed to take a breather. Instead of the usual bickering, Kibum and Minho remained silent and simply gazed at the night sky. They were both absorbed in their own thoughts until Kibum turned his face towards Minho and punched him lightly on his arm.
“Hey Minho?”
“Yeah?”
“What keeps you going?”
Minho turned to look at Kibum with a puzzled expression.
“Why ask?”
Kibum shrugged, “Just curious… you’ve been here longer than me, and seen how your hyung-deul became Super Junior but it doesn’t seem to affect your spirit at all.”
Minho frowned, “Why should it affect me?”
“Don’t you feel demoralised?” Kibum asked and then wondered out loud, “Don’t tell me that even a tiny part of you hasn’t felt like giving up after all these months, years of training…”
Minho was visibly confused as he shook his head and Kibum instantly knew Minho had never thought about giving up before. He let out a breath and then repeated his question.
“Alright then, so, tell me… what keeps you going?”
Minho looked thoughtfully at Kibum for a moment before a smile tugged on one corner of his lips and he finally answered Kibum’s question.
“I just have absolute faith in myself.”
Kibum had the urge to smack Minho on his arm for being so full of himself but he held himself back when his chingu continued to explain.
“And I trust that the company knows what they’re doing...” Minho said before he added on, “I guess I’m just not ready yet… so it’s not the right time. Once it is though, I’m sure my time will come… yours too, bum.”
Minho’s words were full of determination and certainty that a part of Kibum felt bad that he was even having doubts.
Nodding at Minho’s words, Kibum then looked back at the sky and muttered to himself, “I should probably have more faith in myself then…”
If Minho wasn’t stuck in his own thoughts, he would have heard what Kibum said and perhaps noticed there was more to Kibum’s question. But since he wasn’t being entirely honest with Kibum, silence surrounded them instead when Minho could have sounded Kibum out. They were both caught up with their own thoughts; Kibum gazing at the night sky while Minho kept his eyes on Kibum. Because the truth was, there was something else, or rather, someone else that kept Minho going which he didn’t share with Kibum. And well, Minho was looking right at him.
*
A couple of weeks later, Minho’s time had come. If Kibum didn’t understand what Minho was saying before about being ready and waiting for the right time, he did now.
The company had selected Minho, along with three others, to form (what they termed as) a contemporary band and be the next big thing under SM Entertainment. It was a project that the company kept secret not only from the media but also internally, with only a handful of employees involved in the making of this contemporary band. Word only started to get around when the trainees themselves slowly realised that four of their fellow trainees went missing. The speculations began and many questions were asked, most of which were directed to Kibum and another trainee called Kim Jongin who everyone knew were the closest to two of the trainees that disappeared. Of course Kibum knew. Yet, he couldn’t and didn’t want to answer any of the questions as he retreated back into his shell and kept silent, refusing to deal with any of these busybodies.
The day Minho was called into the office and then informed that he was going to be placed under special training to prepare for his debut was the most difficult day Kibum had to go through. Minho had texted him the good news almost immediately after he was out of the office. When Kibum saw the message on his way to the company, he was thrilled, overjoyed, even relieved for Minho that his time had finally arrived. He immediately sent Minho a text congratulating him and wishing him all the best.
However, as the news sank in, Kibum’s heart sank too. He suddenly realised how life was about to change with Minho no longer around. Minho didn’t have to tell him anything more for Kibum to know that he would be placed under special training by the company. And special meant special; because in the following weeks, it felt as if Minho had vanished into thin air. Kibum no longer saw Minho around the company. It was probably the company’s idea for Minho and the other chosen few to go into seclusion so as to ensure they were completely focused as their debut date drew closer and closer. And so, Kibum’s trips to the rooftop were made alone, he no longer had a close (best?) friend in the practice rooms, and everything went back to how it was before he met Minho.
Well, at least, as busy as Minho was preparing for his debut, he never once forgot about Kibum. Kibum received the occasional text messages and phone calls, and sometimes, took the initiative to leave encouraging messages to Minho. All these didn’t come often but when they did, their conversations lasted long and well into the night, and were definitely the reason behind their dark eye circles. Kibum didn’t say it out loud, but he was thankful that his friendship with Minho wasn’t affected even though they didn’t have the chance to meet each other in person. Although Minho was one step ahead of him, Kibum still felt like they were going through everything together. In fact, Minho had called him the night before his official debut stage because he needed someone to talk to and Kibum was the first and only person that popped up in his mind.
“What are you nervous about, dumbass?” Kibum rolled his eyes even though Minho couldn’t see him, “You know the dance and the song at the back of your hand!”
“I can’t help it, bum!” Minho retorted, “I just think about the stage, the lights, the cameras, the fans… oh wait, what if no one watches us? Oh no I think I’m going to-”
“Shut up.” Kibum had no wish to hear any more of Minho’s unnecessary worries, “What happened to the person who had absolute faith in himself?”
“I think he ran away?”
“Slap yourself, you idiot.” Kibum was annoyed at this bundle of nerves Minho had become, “You’ll be fine. You’ll do well. Trust me, you’ve worked your whole life for this… just soak in the moment and enjoy yourself!”
“You really think everything will be fine?” Minho asked.
“Yes.” Kibum said confidently, “But if you don’t hang up the phone right now and get your beauty sleep, you can forget about looking fresh and performing well tomorrow.”
Minho laughed, “Alright, I get it. I’ve been annoying you, haven’t I?”
Kibum sighed, “What are friends for?”
“Thanks bum.”
Kibum couldn’t see Minho but he could picture how his close friend must be smiling right now.
“Hey Kibum?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m looking forward to the day you join me on stage.”
“Me too.” Kibum replied, as a bitter smile appeared on his face, “Let’s hope it’ll come soon.”
“It will… just don’t give up alright?”
“I’ll try.” Kibum said, “Now hang up the phone and go to sleep.”
“Night, Kibum.” Minho decided to be obedient but before he ended the call, there was one last thing he needed to say.
“Don’t forget to catch me on tv at 5.30pm alright!”
With that, the call ended. And Kibum was left lying in bed, wondering when he would ever get to say a sentence like that.
*
It took three years, almost four, for Kibum to stop wondering about when his time would come. As Minho’s, along with SHINe’s (his group’s name), popularity rose day by the day, Kibum’s resolve broke little by little until he was left with no more. Kibum finally decided enough was enough; his dream was just going to remain a dream. It was time to move on, stop his wishful thinking and get back to reality. Reality meant that he had to stop living off his parents and get a job. And so, Kibum returned to school and continued his studies.
Despite how busy Minho was, Kibum still couldn’t keep it a secret from his best friend. Yes, Kibum couldn’t deny anymore that Minho meant that much to him, and this was precisely why he didn’t want Minho to know about the fact that he had given up. It was enough that he had disappointed himself, he really didn’t need to disappoint Minho as well. Still, Minho found out after he became suspicious when Kibum went through a difficult period of time where he was obviously hiding things from Minho. Minho had eventually gone to check with the management about Kibum and that was when he found out the truth.
To Kibum’s relief, Minho never did lecture him or express his disappointment about the matter. In fact, they never talked about it much. All Minho did was be the friend Kibum loved as he silently listened and showed his care and concern in the way Kibum appreciated. Even though Kibum knew he had let Minho down, he knew Minho was still going to support him in everything he did. Just like how Kibum supported Minho in whatever ways he could.
Although Kibum ended up busy with his studies, pursuing a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Musical Theatre, he still tried his best to support Minho at his performances especially at his concerts. It was hard to watch every performance that SHINe did since the band was everywhere what with their increasing popularity but Kibum was always there for the crucial ones, like for example, their comeback shows. Today was one of those days where SHINe was having a mini concert to celebrate their fifth anniversary and Kibum made sure he was personally there to show his support for Minho.
Gifted with an all access pass courtesy of his best friend, Kibum found himself wandering backstage before the show started, trying to figure out where he could find Minho so he could offer his congratulations to his best friend as well as the group. The backstage was a whirl of activities with the crew busy preparing the stage and props for the concert, the staff running around making sure everyone’s needs were met, the stylists rushing here and there with costumes and dry cleaned clothes for the performance later and SHINe themselves being fussed about by their makeup artists as well as managers. This Kibum saw when he finally found the group’s waiting room, the door left wide open because it was too troublesome closing it what with the staff running in and out.
It was easy for Kibum to spot Minho at first glance. Minho had spotted him too, instantly flashing him a smile and waving at him before signalling for Kibum to come in. Kibum returned a smile but shook his head as he chose to stand aside at the corridor outside first and wait until Minho was ready. He knew it really wasn’t a good time to intrude while his best friend was getting his makeup done. As he stood by himself and remained still amidst all the hustle and bustle, Kibum took in the entire atmosphere backstage. Just like that, a rush of emotions flooded him. This was his dream. This was everything he wanted but never achieved. This was supposed to be what he should be going through. This was supposed to be him. Yet, this was all that he was missing out because he had given up. Just because he didn’t persevere and lost faith in himself, his dream had never come true.
A wave of disappointment hit Kibum. He never allowed himself to brood over the matter since it was his choice to give up and he never liked looking back but now that he was standing here in the middle of what was supposed to be his dream, Kibum never regretted giving up more than he did now. He had let himself down. It hurt him so much that he couldn’t control the tears that had welled up in his eyes. And in the next moment, Kibum walked away as fast as he could before the tears fell. He needed to get a grip on himself before he faced Minho.
But obviously, as fate would have it, it was too late.
Minho had looked to Kibum’s direction just when his makeup was finally done only to see his best friend turn and walk away. Minho immediately followed after Kibum, trying to catch up with him. He was stopped a couple of times to greet the other guests invited to their concert, but all the while never letting Kibum, who had walked to the end of corridor and disappeared behind a door that presumably led to the stairwell, out of his sight. Pushing open the door, Minho’s eyes instantly met Kibum’s. In the next second though, Kibum had looked away. Still, that one look was enough for Minho to know something wasn’t right.
“What is it, bum?” Minho asked as the door closed behind him and he walked closer to his best friend, “Talk to me.”
Kibum shook his head, putting a smile on his face before he met Minho’s eyes once again.
“It’s nothing you should be worried about.” Kibum breathed out, “I’m fine… I just didn’t want to be standing there obstructing everyone’s way so I’m here now.”
“You know you’re not making any sense right now?” Minho wasn’t convinced with Kibum’s poor explanation.
“I am… you’re just reading too much into things.” Kibum waved his hand dismissively.
“How long have I known you, Kibummie?” Minho asked instead, not expecting a reply as he continued, “Do you think I wouldn’t know when something is wrong? You can’t fool me, bum.”
“Then you should know better not to force me to talk when I don’t feel like talking!” Kibum couldn’t hold back his frustration with Minho cornering him like this.
He wanted to run away, to escape from his best friend at this very moment, but before Kibum could even take any action, Minho, as if proving his point, took a few steps forward and trapped him between his own body and the wall, lifting his arm up and resting his hand against the wall to stop Kibum from going anywhere.
“You’re going to have to leave sooner or later, Minho.” Kibum simply said, staring into Minho’s eyes, “Your concert is starting soon.”
Minho shrugged, “I think it wouldn’t make much of a difference if I even perform since I’ll be going on stage all distracted and worried because of you.”
“Don’t you dare do that, Choi Minho.” Kibum glared at his best friend, “It’s enough that I feel bad about myself, I don’t need you to make me feel even worse right now.”
The moment Kibum realised that he had revealed too much, Minho’s brows had knitted into a frown. Kibum knew then it was too late to take his words back. His head dropped low in an attempt to hide from Minho’s concerned gaze but Minho was certainly not going to let it go as he reached out to gently hold Kibum’s chin and tilt his face up.
“The last thing I want is for you to feel bad about yourself, bum.” Minho said as he moved his hand away from Kibum’s chin but remained standing close to Kibum, “Tell me what’s wrong… please?”
It took a moment of Kibum just looking at Minho before he finally decided he couldn’t keep anything from his best friend anymore.
“I feel like a complete failure, Minho.” Kibum confessed after taking in a deep breath, “If I only persevered that little bit more… if only I didn’t give up on my dreams… I could have been standing where you are right now, I could have gone on to achieve what you have. If only… if only I didn’t give up on myself…”
By then, Kibum was holding back a fresh round of tears. Looking down once more, he bit his bottom lip and kept quiet for a moment to compose himself because god knows he had so much more to say and crying his heart out, especially in front of Minho, was the last thing he wanted to do right now.
Minho shook his head, “Bum, it’s not you… the company didn’t do its part to-”
“No, it’s not the company.” Kibum shook his head, “Look at me… and look at you. You’re not only talented… but you’re so god damn attractive. I know exactly why I wasn’t picked.”
Minho couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He placed his hands on Kibum’s shoulders and shook his best friend lightly.
“How can you think about yourself like that?” Minho sighed, “How could you? You don’t even know, Kibum… you don’t even know.”
Minho let out a sad laugh, one that made Kibum feel how frustrated, helpless and defeated his best friend was, one that got Kibum so confused about the current situation. Shouldn’t he be the one who was supposed to be in despair? Why was Minho suddenly looking as if he was just about ready to give up on the world?
Seeing that Minho was moving away from him, Kibum naturally reached out to hold Minho’s waist, pulling his best friend back to him as he met Minho’s sad eyes and silently pleaded for him to tell him what was wrong. Minho let out a breath as he cornered Kibum once more, leaning over him with a face so serious and sincere that Kibum found himself captivated by the man towering over him. All of Kibum’s attention was on his best friend as he finally broke his silence.
“Nonsense, Kibum, all that you said was complete and utter nonsense.” Minho began, reaching out to cup Kibum’s face in his hand and stroking his cheek lovingly, “I wish you knew how amazing you are that my eyes see only you… You’re so beautiful that sometimes I stare at you and I forget how to breathe… And I admit, a part of me is thankful that you gave up because I don’t want anyone else to see what I see in you.”
Taking in a deep breath, Minho then leaned his forehead against Kibum, their noses gently brushing against each other as he muttered in his deep voice, “If you could only see how selfish I want to be when it comes to anything that has to do with you…”
Kibum didn’t dare to move with Minho invading his personal space and suddenly being so intimate with him. He didn’t even dare breathe or look Minho in the eyes and so he naturally closed them. But of course, that wasn’t the best thing to do because the next thing Kibum knew, he felt a warm press of lips on his own. Kibum’s eyes instantly flew open in shock. And apparently, he wasn’t the only one surprised by the action because Minho was looking back at him with a similar expression, perhaps even more shocked than him.
“I’m sorry, I just- you were- and I-”
Kibum didn’t know why he did what he did next but he pulled Minho back towards him, leaning forward at the same time, and saved Minho from making a further fool out of himself with a kiss. Not that it helped Minho one bit since he was even more shocked than before by the time they broke apart. Well, at least the smile on Kibum’s face proved that something good had come out of his momentary breakdown.
“I didn’t know you felt this way about me, Minho…” Kibum admitted before he pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Minho’s lips, “But I know now... thank you.”
“My pleasure?” Minho blinked, saying the first thing that came into his mind before he realised how stupid he sounded and he quickly shook his head, “Please forget I said that and remember how I am on normal days.”
Kibum laughed, suddenly finding himself in such a good mood that he went on to tease, “But I like you like that…”
“Oh.” A grin appeared on Minho’s face, “Then I guess it’s fine… as long as you continue to like me.”
Kibum paused for a moment, staring curiously at the idiot in front of him, before he wondered out loud, “How you are able to make your fans go crazy over you is something I would never understand…”
“Probably the same way I got that second kiss from you, bum.” Minho shrugged as he smirked at Kibum, his arms circling around Kibum’s waist and pulling him into a hug, “And the third one too.”
Kibum rolled his eyes, “Don’t you have somewhere you need to be?”
“Way to spoil the moment, bummie.” Minho sighed, “Do I have to?”
Kibum couldn’t even be bothered to give the obvious answer. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Minho’s shoulder, giving him a tight hug, before he gently removed Minho’s arms from his waist and stepped out of his embrace.
As happy as he was from the hug, Minho still wasn’t satisfied.
“Damn it, I finally have you right where I always wanted you and yet I can’t enjoy this moment.”
“Well, think about it this way, your boyfriend will be watching you when you perform your heart out later.”
“Boyfriend huh?” Minho’s smirk returned as Kibum took the initiative to leave the stairwell.
Kibum swiftly turned on his heel as he pointed a finger at Minho’s face, “Shut up.”
Obviously, Minho chose to ignore Kibum’s demand as he followed closely behind his boyfriend and continued to annoy him.
“I like that… I really like that, can you say it again?”
“Don’t make me regret what I said, Minho.”
“Nah, you wouldn’t… you always make the best decisions, Kibum. I have absolute faith in you... it’s no different this time round.”
“Idiot.”
As annoyed as his tone was, Kibum was smiling but Minho didn’t need to know that. There was no need to make the guy even happier than he already was.
*
True, Kibum’s dream didn’t come true… but at least it led him to a special someone that made, and was going to make, everything else he wished for come true.
^^
(Besides, who was he to complain when he was the envy of thousands of fans? Whether they knew it or not, Kibum was all Choi Minho could see. As he watched Minho perform on stage, Kibum knew his boyfriend was trying to spot him in the crowd. When he did, Minho broke into a smile so wide that Kibum noticed he missed the next dance move. It was then that Kibum couldn’t help but feel so smug about the fact that Minho was his.
Take that, fangirls! Hah!)