Improving Writing Style

[instigator_ash]

So. I'm a girl character written by a boy. All my posts are written first-person, too, which means what you're reading is my inner voice. Well, my inner voice sounds like a boy, and that's bad 'cause it ruins the suspension of disbelief. I'm going to be working on that in the next few weeks, assuming I get any screen time. *pokes Zach*

Here's the "

Comments

[chiave_trust]

On the flip side, guys notice more things; technical details, for example, though Ash being a Largoist would be learning how to remember said details more too.

[instigator_ash]

... If I ever spend four paragraphs describing a weapon or vehicle, just shoot me.

[chiave_trust]

Trust me, I will. Or Kit will.

Yes. Kit will kill it with fire.

[instigator_ash]

Or a martial arts technique.

Or a secret organization made entirely of NPCs.

Or a set of magic powers.

[chiave_trust]

Mahou resembles that last comment. ^.^

[instigator_ash]

But your writing does not describe that set. She simply uses them. Heck, I barely know what her powers are after years of being in the same game as her. It's not the having the vast and complicated set of abilities that bothers me-- it's the endless description of them.

[chiave_trust]

True; that's actually what I was going for, that she just uses them. I do try and base what she can do / what her powers are (if someone asks) on what's already been established earlier, though, instead of going OMGPOWERUP out of nowhere.

[arashiz]

*cough cough*

[instigator_ash]

Yeah, but Fish's obsession is IC, and he's a boy. Boys like toys. I'm supposed to not be a boy. So I need to not care all that much about toys.