shoo.
2.30am and yep I should be sleeping but I only took 1 nyquil tablet because I'm scared of getting liver damage and it might not put me to sleep like 2 of them would and somethings flying around outside because of the wind and I wish it wasn't so late because I want to read this book I'm reading called Future Primitive and it's all these essays written by John Zerzan and honestly it is bullshit and not realistic but I like when ideas are non-realistic sometimes, because he was passionate about it enough to write a book and I like that. this man is really into just saying fuck all to civilization and language and culture and society and giving up all to live in the woods and pick berries and nuts off tress. no books, no written language, no agriculture or farming or anything, just hunting and gathering. I'm not sure what he feels about music because I'm on that essay now and I've started it over 3 times because it's very technical and goes into this brief history of how these composers saw themselves and the intent of their works and I'm not sure where it's going to go yet. I do not think his ideas are really even worth mentioning ever but sometimes there are very beautiful lines that remind me of the passage on page 40-41 or so of Nausea by Jean Paul Sartre but this one is on page 81 or so and goes like this,"One of the most significant facts about us may finally be that we all begin with the natural equipment to live a thousand lives but end in the end having lived only one." and I am just pleased so much by it even though it is so simple.
also it is very windy outside, did you know that?
also the main things stressing me out right now have to do with money, but that is my fault.
I am stressed because my credit card balance is over $530 and when I deposit money into my checking account it will be only around $430 but that is still not good enough and while I am glad I got a credit card for buying plane tickets and stuff I am kind of mad that I won't get my first paycheck until around 3 weeks from now.
also I mailed Taylor a cassette tape over a week ago, and today I opened my mail box and it was inside there, even though it clearly stated my address as the return address, and I am certain that her address was correct, I even called her after I took it out of my mail box today to make sure. I don't know. it was 1.56$ to mail that cassette, and even though that is a very small amount I do not wish to have to pay that again! going to go down and just explain to them that it somehow got sent back to me. the postage even said that it was mailed from my zip code, so why would they think it had to get back here.
also mail problems, I paid almost $50 for four records in January and they were shipped over three weeks ago from ansonia to berlin and somehow did not make it there. extremely extremely upset and mad over this because it is a lot of money and I just cannot really afford to buy them again and have them sent to me again. oh of course I could charge them but YEP do not want to do that as I already was yelling about my giant credit card bill. more taxing is that I have sent a couple emails to the label and no one has responded and I just do not know what I have to do. my next 3-4 paychecks are essentially already spent and if I need to repurchase those records then I will have to budget them in somehow and just. ugh. been having bad luck with the mail service lately, took almost 2 weeks for netflix to send the last two DVDs to me and I was about to cancel the service because it was just taking too long and I can't afford to pay $15 a month if I'm only getting two dvds.
might be best that I just chuck all my things and head back into the woods, eh?
also it is very windy outside, did you know that?
also the main things stressing me out right now have to do with money, but that is my fault.
I am stressed because my credit card balance is over $530 and when I deposit money into my checking account it will be only around $430 but that is still not good enough and while I am glad I got a credit card for buying plane tickets and stuff I am kind of mad that I won't get my first paycheck until around 3 weeks from now.
also I mailed Taylor a cassette tape over a week ago, and today I opened my mail box and it was inside there, even though it clearly stated my address as the return address, and I am certain that her address was correct, I even called her after I took it out of my mail box today to make sure. I don't know. it was 1.56$ to mail that cassette, and even though that is a very small amount I do not wish to have to pay that again! going to go down and just explain to them that it somehow got sent back to me. the postage even said that it was mailed from my zip code, so why would they think it had to get back here.
also mail problems, I paid almost $50 for four records in January and they were shipped over three weeks ago from ansonia to berlin and somehow did not make it there. extremely extremely upset and mad over this because it is a lot of money and I just cannot really afford to buy them again and have them sent to me again. oh of course I could charge them but YEP do not want to do that as I already was yelling about my giant credit card bill. more taxing is that I have sent a couple emails to the label and no one has responded and I just do not know what I have to do. my next 3-4 paychecks are essentially already spent and if I need to repurchase those records then I will have to budget them in somehow and just. ugh. been having bad luck with the mail service lately, took almost 2 weeks for netflix to send the last two DVDs to me and I was about to cancel the service because it was just taking too long and I can't afford to pay $15 a month if I'm only getting two dvds.
might be best that I just chuck all my things and head back into the woods, eh?