(no subject)
I am feeling too much/too little of everything lately. I want 2009 to be over as soon as possible so I can start over with 2010. not enough good things this year to counter the bad. I'm on another stupid antibiotic again which could interact with my bc. my textbooks are going to fucking cost $200 or more. I can't wait/don't want to start school. I'm feeling trapped. I don't know if I want to get married anymore. I'm really scared of heights but keep doing things that involve them and I don't like it. I have trouble falling asleep before 3.30am and trouble waking up before 1.00pm. I just do not feel good about myself lately and I've been having urges to spend tons of money I haven't got. mostly I just feel very very very bad and don't want to do anything or see anyone. I want to have stupid amounts of money to blow on trash that doesn't matter. also I am scared that if I can't be happy with jared than I can't possibly be happy with anyone else, but I think I am just really unhappy with myself and I don't know what to do about it. god.