(no subject)
I suppose this is everything I wish I could say to you, and even though I know you'll never read it, there's something comforting about knowing that someone will.
To say i'm angry would be quite the understatement. I'm livid. I'm upset, sad, disappointed. But if anything, I feel abandoned. Oh I know, the dramatics, but truly, the severity of this is solely based on how i'm feeling right now. It is 4 in the morning and I've been crying for far too long. Ok so maybe crying isn't necessary, but who really knows right? I had the night all planned, I was beyond excited for you to come over so I wouldn't feel alone tonight, and even though we both had an early morning I knew we'd find a way for it to work.
Ok so I get the fact that you went out with your friends, and i'm glad you did and I hope you had fun, because I did. I saw my friends and laughed the whole night and, had fun. But I would have to say 50% of the time consisted of me checking my phone to see where you were. Nothing at all. Not even a text back, or a call to tell me what your plan was, I have this distinct memory of me asking you to simply do that hours before, what happened? Is this that game? The game where you get to ignore me and I get to feel my heart ache every second I check my phone. There is obviously a disconnect. Ok ok let's go back, so I'm livid. I expect very little from people: respect me enough to tell me the truth and contact me back. There's nothing hard about that. So..you didn't want to tell me that you were having more fun with your friends and thought you'd be over late so don't wait up, Marisa, tonight just won't work. Hm, didn't hear any of those words. No "i'm sorry," "I really want to see you tonight" (like planned!) No "I know it's an inconvenience that I let my friends lead me around (and I swear i'm really not enjoying it)" Right, because i'm sure you weren't enjoying being with your friends again. And I know we always see each other but it all comes down to a promise. By being my boyfriend, when plans are made you have promised them to me. And I to you. If these plans seemed out of reach then you should have told me this earlier. I wish we had just said that we'll hang out with our respective group of friends and see each other the next day, then I wouldn't feel like this and you wouldn't be pissed that your annoying, bitchy girlfriend is mad.
You know what's weird? I feel like we've been in this spot before and then it hit me. We have. No decency to call me or to tell me the truth for that matter. And it comes down to you just not wanting to be with me. Right? Isn't that how it went? Or maybe my vision is so skewed, or maybe, just maybe, i'm right.
My rant has gone off a little bit, the sad thing is I feel like i've left things out. It's 4:30, my head is pounding, my eyes hurt, and some little pain keeps tugging on my heart. Why do I let myself get to this point with you? I dont know and I'm not sure I ever will know.
Here's to my little bed, inhabited by one tonight, but longing for two. Here's to waking up with yesterday's reality and realizing it's true.
To say i'm angry would be quite the understatement. I'm livid. I'm upset, sad, disappointed. But if anything, I feel abandoned. Oh I know, the dramatics, but truly, the severity of this is solely based on how i'm feeling right now. It is 4 in the morning and I've been crying for far too long. Ok so maybe crying isn't necessary, but who really knows right? I had the night all planned, I was beyond excited for you to come over so I wouldn't feel alone tonight, and even though we both had an early morning I knew we'd find a way for it to work.
Ok so I get the fact that you went out with your friends, and i'm glad you did and I hope you had fun, because I did. I saw my friends and laughed the whole night and, had fun. But I would have to say 50% of the time consisted of me checking my phone to see where you were. Nothing at all. Not even a text back, or a call to tell me what your plan was, I have this distinct memory of me asking you to simply do that hours before, what happened? Is this that game? The game where you get to ignore me and I get to feel my heart ache every second I check my phone. There is obviously a disconnect. Ok ok let's go back, so I'm livid. I expect very little from people: respect me enough to tell me the truth and contact me back. There's nothing hard about that. So..you didn't want to tell me that you were having more fun with your friends and thought you'd be over late so don't wait up, Marisa, tonight just won't work. Hm, didn't hear any of those words. No "i'm sorry," "I really want to see you tonight" (like planned!) No "I know it's an inconvenience that I let my friends lead me around (and I swear i'm really not enjoying it)" Right, because i'm sure you weren't enjoying being with your friends again. And I know we always see each other but it all comes down to a promise. By being my boyfriend, when plans are made you have promised them to me. And I to you. If these plans seemed out of reach then you should have told me this earlier. I wish we had just said that we'll hang out with our respective group of friends and see each other the next day, then I wouldn't feel like this and you wouldn't be pissed that your annoying, bitchy girlfriend is mad.
You know what's weird? I feel like we've been in this spot before and then it hit me. We have. No decency to call me or to tell me the truth for that matter. And it comes down to you just not wanting to be with me. Right? Isn't that how it went? Or maybe my vision is so skewed, or maybe, just maybe, i'm right.
My rant has gone off a little bit, the sad thing is I feel like i've left things out. It's 4:30, my head is pounding, my eyes hurt, and some little pain keeps tugging on my heart. Why do I let myself get to this point with you? I dont know and I'm not sure I ever will know.
Here's to my little bed, inhabited by one tonight, but longing for two. Here's to waking up with yesterday's reality and realizing it's true.