ARGH................!
I have not posted in what feels like a million years. I have tons to say and cant figure out what I want to say, thats just lovely isnt it?
Anyway I am feeling so moody, not cranky or irritable at all...just emotionall rollercoastery....thats so not a word but it makes sense in my brain! I go from okay to sad, or lonely, to okay again...even happy. And Im not depressed because well I have been there..literally diagnosed meds and all. Its just sort of going through lots of thoughts, feelings, emotions, realizations. Today I actually told a good friend that I have come to thte conclusion that me and Apes will always be what we started as...before we thought we could uproot our lives and start over. We will forever the other persons secret place of love, the place we retreat to thats just ours and no one else. The piece of ourselves we share with no one but one another, and escape a safe haven. And as amazing as that is to have, its just hard to figure out how to go on....knowing that if circumstances were different we would be together fully.
Do you ever wonder why we are born where we are born, to the community or lives that are our own? I mean me and her have talked about it, if our lives were not what they were when we met things would most likely be different, if we were not 1000 miles apart it might have worked easier, haha! Its just not possible sometimes to gain something that is everything when you have to literally leave behind everything else you know. And when all that you know would accept the entrance of something new into the mix. That freakin song that says sometimes love just aint enough...I never understood why until now! Life can be much more complicated then just having what you want, its about finding a way to make it all work and sometimes there is not a way to make it fit together.
Im just babvling because I wanted it out of my head....hope I didnt bore you all to much!
~ till next time <3
Anyway I am feeling so moody, not cranky or irritable at all...just emotionall rollercoastery....thats so not a word but it makes sense in my brain! I go from okay to sad, or lonely, to okay again...even happy. And Im not depressed because well I have been there..literally diagnosed meds and all. Its just sort of going through lots of thoughts, feelings, emotions, realizations. Today I actually told a good friend that I have come to thte conclusion that me and Apes will always be what we started as...before we thought we could uproot our lives and start over. We will forever the other persons secret place of love, the place we retreat to thats just ours and no one else. The piece of ourselves we share with no one but one another, and escape a safe haven. And as amazing as that is to have, its just hard to figure out how to go on....knowing that if circumstances were different we would be together fully.
Do you ever wonder why we are born where we are born, to the community or lives that are our own? I mean me and her have talked about it, if our lives were not what they were when we met things would most likely be different, if we were not 1000 miles apart it might have worked easier, haha! Its just not possible sometimes to gain something that is everything when you have to literally leave behind everything else you know. And when all that you know would accept the entrance of something new into the mix. That freakin song that says sometimes love just aint enough...I never understood why until now! Life can be much more complicated then just having what you want, its about finding a way to make it all work and sometimes there is not a way to make it fit together.
Im just babvling because I wanted it out of my head....hope I didnt bore you all to much!
~ till next time <3