Thoughts before some sleep...
Its late and tomorrow will come to soon... Im exhausted but sleep wont come soon enough! So many things so little time, so many people to please but not enough of me to go around. Your far away and too far to reach, and yet when I am alone and lonely I wish that you were still the you I knew before things changed. The thing is I think I just miss the idea of us...and despite this I am not really sad and that makes me so happy :) yea I know Im fucked up and backwards haha..but thats me! But I think of others now when I think of the future and thats scary but exhilerating all at the same time.
Tomorrow I will get up early and run around doing things I promised to others, fullfilling commitments that I need to keep...that I want to keep. Because that is who I am and who I want to be. OMG I have a freaking twitch in my left eye I dont know when it started but its ridiculous lol..yea that was an aside! But these days I just think its stress...I feel stretched thin, and sort of frayed in many ways, and never clearer and more together in other ways.
The one thing I want is to replace the memory of what you felt like... I mean physically. I dont want to forget you or what we had...but I have moved ahead in so many ways. I just dont want to think of your touch everytime I think of being touched. I have moved ahead in this area as well...Im proud of myself Im moving on and forward. There have been a few people in the recent past that have helped..but I have this need for a night or a weekend of reckless wild abandon. I need to just have a purely physical, intense sexual experience. With someone I am drawn to and who makes me feel wanted and sexy and desirable again. Wanted and sexy and desirable to someone who isnt you..her! Im not writing this for her I am writing this for myself...!
I need to feel that heat, that throb, that ache...I want to want someone so much that I cant stop myself from assaulting there senses and them mine. I want to fuck until I cant move, until either of us cant move. I want to be taken and I want to give until they cant take anymore. I want to smell another woman and feel her skin and its heat against mine. I want to want to taste her and be inside of her until she cant compose a sentence anymore. And I know that all this means I am ready...ready for what exactly I dont have an answer, but my god am I ready to find out!
So tonight, I will fall asleep to though of a beautiful that I know...taking me in and to places that only we know. And its will be fun and exciting and passionate and hot and exactly what we both need. Knowing that I am still sexy and desirable...and with no other reason behind it except its what I NEED! Its been a long time since I have taken care of myself in this way, and its hard at times to remember in the midst of life that even I NEED to be taken care of!
PS sorry for any typos I m really tired!
Tomorrow I will get up early and run around doing things I promised to others, fullfilling commitments that I need to keep...that I want to keep. Because that is who I am and who I want to be. OMG I have a freaking twitch in my left eye I dont know when it started but its ridiculous lol..yea that was an aside! But these days I just think its stress...I feel stretched thin, and sort of frayed in many ways, and never clearer and more together in other ways.
The one thing I want is to replace the memory of what you felt like... I mean physically. I dont want to forget you or what we had...but I have moved ahead in so many ways. I just dont want to think of your touch everytime I think of being touched. I have moved ahead in this area as well...Im proud of myself Im moving on and forward. There have been a few people in the recent past that have helped..but I have this need for a night or a weekend of reckless wild abandon. I need to just have a purely physical, intense sexual experience. With someone I am drawn to and who makes me feel wanted and sexy and desirable again. Wanted and sexy and desirable to someone who isnt you..her! Im not writing this for her I am writing this for myself...!
I need to feel that heat, that throb, that ache...I want to want someone so much that I cant stop myself from assaulting there senses and them mine. I want to fuck until I cant move, until either of us cant move. I want to be taken and I want to give until they cant take anymore. I want to smell another woman and feel her skin and its heat against mine. I want to want to taste her and be inside of her until she cant compose a sentence anymore. And I know that all this means I am ready...ready for what exactly I dont have an answer, but my god am I ready to find out!
So tonight, I will fall asleep to though of a beautiful that I know...taking me in and to places that only we know. And its will be fun and exciting and passionate and hot and exactly what we both need. Knowing that I am still sexy and desirable...and with no other reason behind it except its what I NEED! Its been a long time since I have taken care of myself in this way, and its hard at times to remember in the midst of life that even I NEED to be taken care of!
PS sorry for any typos I m really tired!