Why do I revert
I swear I dont understand what the hell is wrong with me. Its so frustrating because I will be fine for weeks, sometimes months..by this I mean I dont feel the "need" to speak to my ex, see her, I could care less who she is speaking to ro spending time with ect.
But then out of no where I get all creepy emo girl on myslef...and her! Not that she really knows but still. I mean we havent really spoken short leavingone another a voice mail here and there over the last two weeks or so right. So the other day I spoke to a mutual friend and I know they speak EVERYDAY at least 2 to 4x's a day( they are in different countries mind you). That isnt what annoys me, what annoys me is that everytime me and her speak(my ex) I get this whole I miss you, and I love but Im so busy and feel so bad we havent talked in so long thing. Okay here is the deal, dont make excuses I would not be as annoyed about the time span in between our convo's....but I dont want to hear how busy you are and how you dont have time when you are on the phone to another country more then once a day...I mean am I crazy here. I mean well Im sure Im a lil crazy cause I still give a shit about any of this at all, but we decided to try to maintain a friendship..maybe thats why Im crazy.
Anyway so this is the problem, I called and left a voicemail last night....which Im sure more whiny and bitchy then it should have been but whatev Im over that. And o she called me this morning....and I didnt answer because I could not be assured that I wasnt going to be a total and complete CUNT(sorry for those of you who dislike this work...Im not a fan but when its appropriate I feel the need to use it) to her. Which is just my still slightly broken and tattered heart and smashed ego tryng to cope with things I has no say in. Okay but to the point of my writing in the first place....after I listened to the message left which was total bullshit just rambling about the nothingness that keeps her so fucking busy and unable to function and how she is just so exhausted(if your life wasnt a big sham you might not be so fckn exhausted) all the time, but she misses me blah blah blah....I want to do all sorts of stalkerish shit all the sudden. I have her voicemail password( her mistake) and I know she saves voicemails like its her job, she usually has to go in and delete them cause she cant save new ones. So I want to listen to them ,and thats masacistic I know but hey what can I say...esp since I know she will turn her phone off when she gets to work and I can do it without her even knowing I called lol. And then off course Im here on the interenet and I was on my photobucket and I want so badly to check her account( again her mistake for giving me the password) that might seem strange. But the thing is a part of me wants to see if there are new pics of her "girlfriend" who no one knows about and her"gf"s family. O fif there are new pics of her which I know are being sent to someone else and not her "gf"....I have serious issues I know but I just needed to share my insanity. Maybe one of you can just tell me how fckn nuts I am and help slap some sense into me....or not!
Its going to snow soon and its cold and I should be feeling all christmassy but I am broke literally until tomorrow...so when I purchase my first gift for christmas I think I will feel better! And we are having a christmas party at my house on Sat night, and there is supposed to be a major storm coming in on saturday night...Im hoping that its comes like reallt late night sat into sunday morning.
Im done babbling I suppose...oh oh oh sugabunny889 have a great trip lovely...you will be in the nice warm weather and me and lea will be freezing our asses off over here in snowy Jersey!
Okay have a great weekend everyone...because mine starts today!
But then out of no where I get all creepy emo girl on myslef...and her! Not that she really knows but still. I mean we havent really spoken short leavingone another a voice mail here and there over the last two weeks or so right. So the other day I spoke to a mutual friend and I know they speak EVERYDAY at least 2 to 4x's a day( they are in different countries mind you). That isnt what annoys me, what annoys me is that everytime me and her speak(my ex) I get this whole I miss you, and I love but Im so busy and feel so bad we havent talked in so long thing. Okay here is the deal, dont make excuses I would not be as annoyed about the time span in between our convo's....but I dont want to hear how busy you are and how you dont have time when you are on the phone to another country more then once a day...I mean am I crazy here. I mean well Im sure Im a lil crazy cause I still give a shit about any of this at all, but we decided to try to maintain a friendship..maybe thats why Im crazy.
Anyway so this is the problem, I called and left a voicemail last night....which Im sure more whiny and bitchy then it should have been but whatev Im over that. And o she called me this morning....and I didnt answer because I could not be assured that I wasnt going to be a total and complete CUNT(sorry for those of you who dislike this work...Im not a fan but when its appropriate I feel the need to use it) to her. Which is just my still slightly broken and tattered heart and smashed ego tryng to cope with things I has no say in. Okay but to the point of my writing in the first place....after I listened to the message left which was total bullshit just rambling about the nothingness that keeps her so fucking busy and unable to function and how she is just so exhausted(if your life wasnt a big sham you might not be so fckn exhausted) all the time, but she misses me blah blah blah....I want to do all sorts of stalkerish shit all the sudden. I have her voicemail password( her mistake) and I know she saves voicemails like its her job, she usually has to go in and delete them cause she cant save new ones. So I want to listen to them ,and thats masacistic I know but hey what can I say...esp since I know she will turn her phone off when she gets to work and I can do it without her even knowing I called lol. And then off course Im here on the interenet and I was on my photobucket and I want so badly to check her account( again her mistake for giving me the password) that might seem strange. But the thing is a part of me wants to see if there are new pics of her "girlfriend" who no one knows about and her"gf"s family. O fif there are new pics of her which I know are being sent to someone else and not her "gf"....I have serious issues I know but I just needed to share my insanity. Maybe one of you can just tell me how fckn nuts I am and help slap some sense into me....or not!
Its going to snow soon and its cold and I should be feeling all christmassy but I am broke literally until tomorrow...so when I purchase my first gift for christmas I think I will feel better! And we are having a christmas party at my house on Sat night, and there is supposed to be a major storm coming in on saturday night...Im hoping that its comes like reallt late night sat into sunday morning.
Im done babbling I suppose...oh oh oh sugabunny889 have a great trip lovely...you will be in the nice warm weather and me and lea will be freezing our asses off over here in snowy Jersey!
Okay have a great weekend everyone...because mine starts today!