another day... another pound
I'm at Mugs' trying to connect my heart to the truth. I feel so super self-conscious today. I'm finding it very difficult to root my identity in Christ. This weekend was awesome, but it presented me with a few reality checks that I wasn't prepared for. And I wasn't prepared to take them in the Spirit, which makes them very difficult to take anywhere productive. I realized how absolutely fat I really am. --And this is not an insult to myself, it's really just the imperical truth... I mean, I've gained almost 50lbs in the last 4 years. And I knew it was happening, but I felt so powerless against it. But this weekend, what with pictures (which are hard to deny), and other seriously embarrassing events, I have realized that it's really time to stop gaining, and start losing.
It's hard to move past denial and into productivity in this area. First, it's so taboo. People don't want to hear about it, and it's so embarrassing, so I don't want to talk about it. I bet you're all wincing while you read this, as I'm wincing while I write it. But I've decided it's time to face the fact and try to do something about it. This is an area in which I am far too sensitive. This is an area where I think Satan has a knife in my side, a place he can just point to and I quiver and my identity in God deteriorates. It is time that I expose his lie and realize that: 1) fat is not WHO I am, and 2)it's not like I can't do something about it. But then there's the whole problem of getting wrapped up in it. I have an undeniable shallow side that I will have to guard against, and in fact, I think my gaining weight and my whole attitude about my body thus far has been a "safe-guard" against this shallowness. My perspective thus far has been: I just won't look at it and then it won't matter to me, and thus I won't be shallow... It hasn't worked.
Anyway, yes, this is my tough truth to swallow. If you pray, please pray for me that Jesus would unlock this cage that I'm in, and that I'd be motivated to really care for His temple... Thanks.
It's hard to move past denial and into productivity in this area. First, it's so taboo. People don't want to hear about it, and it's so embarrassing, so I don't want to talk about it. I bet you're all wincing while you read this, as I'm wincing while I write it. But I've decided it's time to face the fact and try to do something about it. This is an area in which I am far too sensitive. This is an area where I think Satan has a knife in my side, a place he can just point to and I quiver and my identity in God deteriorates. It is time that I expose his lie and realize that: 1) fat is not WHO I am, and 2)it's not like I can't do something about it. But then there's the whole problem of getting wrapped up in it. I have an undeniable shallow side that I will have to guard against, and in fact, I think my gaining weight and my whole attitude about my body thus far has been a "safe-guard" against this shallowness. My perspective thus far has been: I just won't look at it and then it won't matter to me, and thus I won't be shallow... It hasn't worked.
Anyway, yes, this is my tough truth to swallow. If you pray, please pray for me that Jesus would unlock this cage that I'm in, and that I'd be motivated to really care for His temple... Thanks.