long story less long... why do I do the things I do

[insomniel]

This is very boring introspection, unimportant in the grand scheme of things, but if you do read this, then...

THANK YOU

Comments

[insomniel]

Thanks for your input. I've made improvements actually, but I still see myself as the victim sometimes, and it's so hard to break out of the self-pity cycle. I've always felt like this, even before the stress and near-perfection demanded of a future pharmacist, and it's only gotten worse.

And also I think what makes me happy is not really something I easily share with others. I have only 2 friends who like Terry Pratchett, one of those my brother. I am not sure who else likes France as much as I do, probably no one. I don't know anyone to talk to about wine, most of my friends are abstainers, the rest prefer beer... Etc, all the wonderful things that make me happy I end up keeping to myself. I get the impression, however false, that my misery is the only thing I can connect to others with, and it has become an obsession, thinking of something horrible to record on livejournal, although this admittedly includes horrible art and terrible jokes.

I say I have real problems, but I can't expect everyone to indulge my weeping and wailing all the time. So yeah, I won't pretend I'm a happier person than I really am, but for now, I want to see if controlling what I say will make a difference for me and for my relationships with other people. Just gotta try, at least.