Loneliness [Bam/Ryan]
Disclaimer: Not Mine
AN: I’m angsting…so…I write angst.
Summary: Everyone I know has gone away.
Loneliness
Everyone I know has gone away,
Died or left or just forgot to stay.
--- Garbage // Dog New Tricks
The rain was pouring down, pelting the ground, drenching the grass and soaking his body. Dark shirt and trousers clinging to his thin body, tears rolling down his cheeks and mixing with the rain. He didn’t care this time. He could cry all day, here in the rain in this deserted graveyard.
Three weeks ago, they’d buried Raab. Alcohol poisoning had finally got to him, his liver was useless and it was only a matter of days. There had been a good turn out for the funeral. Johnny even flew in from LA. All the old crew spent the night at his house, drinking. But the next day, they all went their own ways. Back to their families or jobs, leaving him by himself in an empty house.
Now, there was another tombstone in his life, he had more than just Raab to visit. Dico and Rake had moved on with their lives, Rake getting a good job, one in Tulsa. Dico had met a girl, got engaged and moved state. It was just him now, in his big empty house that used to be filled with his friends, used to be the place where chaos ensued and drinking went on into the night.
Not anymore.
They were all gone, all moved on with their lives, and he was stuck there, wondering if he could’ve made it different. If he’d let them have their own lived from the beginning rather than making them part of his own. If maybe he’d just had his own life separate from them, would their moving on be so hard if he had?
Two arms looped around his waist and he was pulled against a warm chest, one he’d dreamt about being pulled against for weeks. He let himself lean back, taking the support offered and cherishing it, because he knew it would be taken away from him soon.
“What a waste.” It was murmured in the air, a repeated thought over and over. They knew this was coming, had been preparing themselves for it for a long time. But sometimes, sometimes they managed to pretend that it wasn’t, that things were better.
“He was doing so well.” It was a lie, they knew he wasn’t. too many expectations, too much to think on, too many people to disappoint. And in this case there were too many maybes, they would never be sure if something had been done different, would they be here now? Or would they just have been here earlier? And thinking about it all just made it hurt worse.
“Come on, I’ll take you home.” There was a pull at his hand, but he resisted, knowing that he couldn’t take the loss again, that it would pull his heart apart if just once more, he had to watch that retreating back.
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t leave me.” Too many people, too many faces, too many hurts.
“I’m not going to.” Those arms returned to his waist, pulling him to a strong body and holding him there, he buried his nose into the crook of a neck, inhaling the comforting scent there, tobacco, rain and something so unique and comforting. He felt a small kiss being placed on his temple, then a cheek against his head. “I’m not leaving you ever again.”
And it was all he needed to hear, his own arms wrapped around that perfect body, holding him close and promising to never let go. If he said he’d never leave then he would never leave. Because you never lied to the person you loved.
“Take me home, Ryan?” He looked up at familiar blue eyes, ignoring the rain as it continued to splash down on them. A chaste kiss was pressed to his nose as Ryan led him away from the grave, still in each others arms.
“I’m going to miss him.” He whispers when they get to the comfort of the warm car.
“I think we’ll all miss Novak.” Ryan tells him, both of them looking back to the grave where they’re friend now lay. “Come on, let’s get you home and into some warm clothes.”
“I love you Ryan.” He says, his head leaning on his lovers shoulder.
“I love you too Bam.” A kiss to his head and then they’re off, back home. A home that’s quiet and deserted, but it’s their home.
-
End
-
Feedback would be nice.
AN: I’m angsting…so…I write angst.
Summary: Everyone I know has gone away.
Loneliness
Everyone I know has gone away,
Died or left or just forgot to stay.
--- Garbage // Dog New Tricks
The rain was pouring down, pelting the ground, drenching the grass and soaking his body. Dark shirt and trousers clinging to his thin body, tears rolling down his cheeks and mixing with the rain. He didn’t care this time. He could cry all day, here in the rain in this deserted graveyard.
Three weeks ago, they’d buried Raab. Alcohol poisoning had finally got to him, his liver was useless and it was only a matter of days. There had been a good turn out for the funeral. Johnny even flew in from LA. All the old crew spent the night at his house, drinking. But the next day, they all went their own ways. Back to their families or jobs, leaving him by himself in an empty house.
Now, there was another tombstone in his life, he had more than just Raab to visit. Dico and Rake had moved on with their lives, Rake getting a good job, one in Tulsa. Dico had met a girl, got engaged and moved state. It was just him now, in his big empty house that used to be filled with his friends, used to be the place where chaos ensued and drinking went on into the night.
Not anymore.
They were all gone, all moved on with their lives, and he was stuck there, wondering if he could’ve made it different. If he’d let them have their own lived from the beginning rather than making them part of his own. If maybe he’d just had his own life separate from them, would their moving on be so hard if he had?
Two arms looped around his waist and he was pulled against a warm chest, one he’d dreamt about being pulled against for weeks. He let himself lean back, taking the support offered and cherishing it, because he knew it would be taken away from him soon.
“What a waste.” It was murmured in the air, a repeated thought over and over. They knew this was coming, had been preparing themselves for it for a long time. But sometimes, sometimes they managed to pretend that it wasn’t, that things were better.
“He was doing so well.” It was a lie, they knew he wasn’t. too many expectations, too much to think on, too many people to disappoint. And in this case there were too many maybes, they would never be sure if something had been done different, would they be here now? Or would they just have been here earlier? And thinking about it all just made it hurt worse.
“Come on, I’ll take you home.” There was a pull at his hand, but he resisted, knowing that he couldn’t take the loss again, that it would pull his heart apart if just once more, he had to watch that retreating back.
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t leave me.” Too many people, too many faces, too many hurts.
“I’m not going to.” Those arms returned to his waist, pulling him to a strong body and holding him there, he buried his nose into the crook of a neck, inhaling the comforting scent there, tobacco, rain and something so unique and comforting. He felt a small kiss being placed on his temple, then a cheek against his head. “I’m not leaving you ever again.”
And it was all he needed to hear, his own arms wrapped around that perfect body, holding him close and promising to never let go. If he said he’d never leave then he would never leave. Because you never lied to the person you loved.
“Take me home, Ryan?” He looked up at familiar blue eyes, ignoring the rain as it continued to splash down on them. A chaste kiss was pressed to his nose as Ryan led him away from the grave, still in each others arms.
“I’m going to miss him.” He whispers when they get to the comfort of the warm car.
“I think we’ll all miss Novak.” Ryan tells him, both of them looking back to the grave where they’re friend now lay. “Come on, let’s get you home and into some warm clothes.”
“I love you Ryan.” He says, his head leaning on his lovers shoulder.
“I love you too Bam.” A kiss to his head and then they’re off, back home. A home that’s quiet and deserted, but it’s their home.
-
End
-
Feedback would be nice.