Hold Me Closer [Dunn/Novak]
Okay, by the insistance of the wonderful caramel_maddy, I finally got off my ass and wrote a Dunnovak. So...n'yeah.
Enjoy...
Hold Me Closer
Disclaimer: Not Mine.
AN: For Maddy, thank you sweetie.
Summary: All he needed was to be loved, and maybe that could save someone else as well.
Pairing: Ryan Dunn/Brandon Novak, Ryan Dunn/Bam Margera.
Hold Me Closer
How had it come to this? How did he manage to get there?
It was bad enough trying to sort out the females that were just there for the ride, but when he joined in it was almost unbearable. And now there was someone else doing it too. Things were just too complicated.
Lauren, she had been the first one. He’d fallen in love against his better judgement and then been used so totally and completely it was almost soul destroying. He’d loved her; he’d loved her kids too. He didn’t judge her on her previous decisions in life and he hadn’t listened when other people told him she was no good. Because he loved her, and he thought she loved him.
There were times during the relationship where it seemed like she did, when things were good and it appeared to all that she had finally just stopped with the sleeping around and settled down with him. But that only started to happen once all the Jackass stuff really took off. But then it started again, and sometimes he wondered if it had ever stopped in the first place.
So Lauren was finally out, and he had started to move on with his life. But that got backed up too.
Bam, best friend Bam. How he had managed it was beyond belief. How the one person who he had trusted with so much, told so many secrets to and shared fears with, how he’d managed to do this to him was still a mystery to Ryan.
A drunken night, mistakes usually are made. But this time it didn’t feel like a mistake. It started out as a clumsy kiss, then a few nights later when they were drunk again, it progressed to wandering hands. Eventually they went the whole way, fucking each other in Bam and Jenn’s bed, but that didn’t make it feel wrong because Jenn wasn’t in the picture at that point. But it continued, and they weren’t drunk and it was fun. They managed to keep their friendship and their relationship separate. Which really should’ve been the first clue.
When Jenn came back to the relationship, and Ryan was just the secret, he knew he should’ve got out. Told Bam that he couldn’t be that type of person, the bit on the side, the easy fuck. It just wasn’t him. But he could never tell this to Bam, because whenever they were alone, whenever it was just him and Bam, they usually ended up in each others arms, in a tangle of bed sheets, sweating and panting. So he’d never managed to break it off. Never been able to tell Bam no. He’d ended up, once again, falling in love against his better judgement.
But it wasn’t to be, and when Bam decided that it wasn’t really worth it and that he’d rather stay with Jenn, Ryan accepted that. He acted like Bam was; like it was all just sex and they had never felt anything more. So he was still Bam’s friend, and a former lover but only the two of them knew that. So he was just Bam’s friend, Bam’s best friend. And he’d just have to make do with that.
And then there were three. Because in strolled, or stumbled, Brandon Novak.
Novak was still trying to beat the drugs, Novak was still trying to hide the extent of his addiction from his friends, Novak was still lying to himself and everyone else. When Ryan had caught him using again, on Bam’s property, he had instantly wanted to protect Bam from this, not have it get too serious that Bam would face any consequences of this. So Ryan had taken Novak aside and they’d discussed it. Until Bam came in with his camera. Ryan was loathe to do this with Bam present, because Bam had put so much faith in Novak getting off; Bam really did believe that Novak could do it. And although Bam didn’t love him like he wanted him to, Ryan still loved Bam, so it was what he had to do.
When the baggy dropped, Ryan didn’t know why he was so mad. Novak had been lying for so long that it appeared he believed his own lies now. Ryan had to take a walk, get away from it all and just think. For Bam’s sake, he wanted Novak to quit. For Brandon’s sake he wanted Novak to quit. Even a little for his own sake, he wanted Novak to quit. Because Brandon Novak was a great guy, he was an awesome skater and he was slowly killing himself.
This was something Ryan didn’t want to happen. And that was what brought him to now.
Now was when he was in his own little apartment, in his own bed on the floor, with Brandon Novak in his arms, shaking and craving the next hit. The way Novak just hugged him, the way Novak clung to him, like Ryan was the only thing stopping him from leaving, heading down to Baltimore and getting that hit. And Ryan didn’t know why, but that made his chest swell a little.
Running a hand through Brandon’s mop, he held him close and tried to keep him warm as his body fought, aching for a hit. Ryan knew that Brandon was strong enough to resist this; Brandon just needed a little help showing him that he could do it.
All Ryan wanted was to be loved, and maybe that could help save someone else too. Maybe, if Brandon would stay, if they could stop this, maybe it would save them both.
-
End
-
I’m really starting to like this pairing. Seriously I am.
Thank you Maddy, and I hope you liked.
Feedback would be nice.
Enjoy...
Hold Me Closer
Disclaimer: Not Mine.
AN: For Maddy, thank you sweetie.
Summary: All he needed was to be loved, and maybe that could save someone else as well.
Pairing: Ryan Dunn/Brandon Novak, Ryan Dunn/Bam Margera.
Hold Me Closer
How had it come to this? How did he manage to get there?
It was bad enough trying to sort out the females that were just there for the ride, but when he joined in it was almost unbearable. And now there was someone else doing it too. Things were just too complicated.
Lauren, she had been the first one. He’d fallen in love against his better judgement and then been used so totally and completely it was almost soul destroying. He’d loved her; he’d loved her kids too. He didn’t judge her on her previous decisions in life and he hadn’t listened when other people told him she was no good. Because he loved her, and he thought she loved him.
There were times during the relationship where it seemed like she did, when things were good and it appeared to all that she had finally just stopped with the sleeping around and settled down with him. But that only started to happen once all the Jackass stuff really took off. But then it started again, and sometimes he wondered if it had ever stopped in the first place.
So Lauren was finally out, and he had started to move on with his life. But that got backed up too.
Bam, best friend Bam. How he had managed it was beyond belief. How the one person who he had trusted with so much, told so many secrets to and shared fears with, how he’d managed to do this to him was still a mystery to Ryan.
A drunken night, mistakes usually are made. But this time it didn’t feel like a mistake. It started out as a clumsy kiss, then a few nights later when they were drunk again, it progressed to wandering hands. Eventually they went the whole way, fucking each other in Bam and Jenn’s bed, but that didn’t make it feel wrong because Jenn wasn’t in the picture at that point. But it continued, and they weren’t drunk and it was fun. They managed to keep their friendship and their relationship separate. Which really should’ve been the first clue.
When Jenn came back to the relationship, and Ryan was just the secret, he knew he should’ve got out. Told Bam that he couldn’t be that type of person, the bit on the side, the easy fuck. It just wasn’t him. But he could never tell this to Bam, because whenever they were alone, whenever it was just him and Bam, they usually ended up in each others arms, in a tangle of bed sheets, sweating and panting. So he’d never managed to break it off. Never been able to tell Bam no. He’d ended up, once again, falling in love against his better judgement.
But it wasn’t to be, and when Bam decided that it wasn’t really worth it and that he’d rather stay with Jenn, Ryan accepted that. He acted like Bam was; like it was all just sex and they had never felt anything more. So he was still Bam’s friend, and a former lover but only the two of them knew that. So he was just Bam’s friend, Bam’s best friend. And he’d just have to make do with that.
And then there were three. Because in strolled, or stumbled, Brandon Novak.
Novak was still trying to beat the drugs, Novak was still trying to hide the extent of his addiction from his friends, Novak was still lying to himself and everyone else. When Ryan had caught him using again, on Bam’s property, he had instantly wanted to protect Bam from this, not have it get too serious that Bam would face any consequences of this. So Ryan had taken Novak aside and they’d discussed it. Until Bam came in with his camera. Ryan was loathe to do this with Bam present, because Bam had put so much faith in Novak getting off; Bam really did believe that Novak could do it. And although Bam didn’t love him like he wanted him to, Ryan still loved Bam, so it was what he had to do.
When the baggy dropped, Ryan didn’t know why he was so mad. Novak had been lying for so long that it appeared he believed his own lies now. Ryan had to take a walk, get away from it all and just think. For Bam’s sake, he wanted Novak to quit. For Brandon’s sake he wanted Novak to quit. Even a little for his own sake, he wanted Novak to quit. Because Brandon Novak was a great guy, he was an awesome skater and he was slowly killing himself.
This was something Ryan didn’t want to happen. And that was what brought him to now.
Now was when he was in his own little apartment, in his own bed on the floor, with Brandon Novak in his arms, shaking and craving the next hit. The way Novak just hugged him, the way Novak clung to him, like Ryan was the only thing stopping him from leaving, heading down to Baltimore and getting that hit. And Ryan didn’t know why, but that made his chest swell a little.
Running a hand through Brandon’s mop, he held him close and tried to keep him warm as his body fought, aching for a hit. Ryan knew that Brandon was strong enough to resist this; Brandon just needed a little help showing him that he could do it.
All Ryan wanted was to be loved, and maybe that could help save someone else too. Maybe, if Brandon would stay, if they could stop this, maybe it would save them both.
-
End
-
I’m really starting to like this pairing. Seriously I am.
Thank you Maddy, and I hope you liked.
Feedback would be nice.