(no subject)
I don't know how to formulate thoughts and words right now really.
Maybe one day I'll be able to write out everything I feel and have it
make sense. All I know is that I'm hurting and packing away things I now feel stupid for keeping: Muni tickets, shirts, aluminum cans and pictures... and now I'm listening to Depeche Mode on repeat...
****************************
"Precious": Depeche Mode
Precious and fragile things
Need special handling
My God what have we done to you
We always tried to share
The tenderest of care
Now look what we have put you through
Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give
Angels with silver wings
Shouldn't know suffering
I wish I could take the pain for you
If God has a master plan
That only He understands
I hope it's your eyes He's seeing through
Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give
I pray you learn to trust
Have faith in both of us
And keep room in your heart for two
Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give
*********************************
And one more thing... the last time I actually kept an online journal with all my poetry, my thoughts and hopes for the life I thought I saw before me, which was years ago, one thing stood out... the last entry I left. It was from Buffy. Lame, I know but it seems more relevant now than it did then. Buffy and cookies have never steered me wrong so it seems appropriate that they're here together, talking for me, when I'm at a loss for words... lol.
*****...You know in the midst of all this... insanity... a couple of things are actually starting to make sense. I mean the guy thing. I always figured there was something wrong with me. You know, because I couldn't make it work. Maybe I'm not supposed to. Because, okay... I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this. And the next thing. And the next thing. And maybe one day, I turn around realize... I'm ready... I'm cookies. And then, you know... if I want someone to enjoy warm, delicious cookie me, then that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done...*****
****************************
"Precious": Depeche Mode
Precious and fragile things
Need special handling
My God what have we done to you
We always tried to share
The tenderest of care
Now look what we have put you through
Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give
Angels with silver wings
Shouldn't know suffering
I wish I could take the pain for you
If God has a master plan
That only He understands
I hope it's your eyes He's seeing through
Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give
I pray you learn to trust
Have faith in both of us
And keep room in your heart for two
Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give
*********************************
And one more thing... the last time I actually kept an online journal with all my poetry, my thoughts and hopes for the life I thought I saw before me, which was years ago, one thing stood out... the last entry I left. It was from Buffy. Lame, I know but it seems more relevant now than it did then. Buffy and cookies have never steered me wrong so it seems appropriate that they're here together, talking for me, when I'm at a loss for words... lol.
*****...You know in the midst of all this... insanity... a couple of things are actually starting to make sense. I mean the guy thing. I always figured there was something wrong with me. You know, because I couldn't make it work. Maybe I'm not supposed to. Because, okay... I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this. And the next thing. And the next thing. And maybe one day, I turn around realize... I'm ready... I'm cookies. And then, you know... if I want someone to enjoy warm, delicious cookie me, then that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done...*****