I live in the middle of nowhere. There is no bus, no taxi service. To go to work, you must either walk or drive to work. To gain employment, you must have a car. This is non-negotiable, employwers demand proof of reliable transportation. This translates into a vehicle. My car, as it stands, needs a little over $1000 to be legal to drive, and thus gain me employment. This includes new tags, plates, and insurance coverage (which alone costs several hundred dollars to buy coverage).
So my options, as it stands, are to either come up with around $1,000 to get my non-reliable car legal to move, but with little hope it will be road worthy for more than a few days, and thus gain employment.. or buy a new car.
Having no way to enter college (requires more money than I can possibly obtain without a job), or job, and having no such steady things for years (literally), I am in an absolute pit. I can either waste away, or pull myself out of this hole. First route to that is a job.
My only recourse is to ask my relatives for help. My distant relatives don't have the cash. My mom can barely afford to even run her business (and thus source of income). My dad is the only one with cash to spare. So I ask him for a $2,000 loan (or even co-sign on a personal loan) in order to buy a new vehicle, to be given when I am hired on for a new job (ie: I lie about having steady means for transportation, and before they ask proof.. which is almost always given after one finds out if one has the job or not.. buy a car). In order to gain employment, go to college, ad nauseum. He agrees. We look at cars, I renew my resume, send it in to a few places, Friday hits. Memorial day weekend. Most shops around here are closed, or at bare minimum hiring managers are on holiday. I take the time to find more jobs to apply at on Tuesday, the soonest I can realistically expect to actually turn in an application and have it be taken seriously (usually applications get lost during the holiday season. I've lost several jobs this way, and almost lost one job that I did get for this same reason). Friday night, I have nightmares resulting in a panic attack. I end up grabbing a few hours sleep on Saturday. For this, I am up most the night on Saturday night. Sunday rolls around and we have a huge thunderstorm. Road flooded, rain from 9pm to 12am. Extreme thunder and constant (loud) lightning. I lay in bed for eight hours, lights off, pillow over my head, and still can't sleep.
And since replies can only be 4300 characters, here's the rest: I get up, take a smoke, then go back to bed to try and get a nap. I fall asleep between 9 and 10. I get a call at 11 from dad. He asks if I'm awake, I tell him I was sleeping, lightning kept me up.
He says: "So I guess you wouldn't want to come over and put in an air conditioning then?" Me: "Uh, huh? I just fell asleep." Him:(I wasn't fully awake, paraphrasing best I can here) "I thought so. We haven't spoken for nearly a week (We had spoken Friday), you haven't been actively looking for a job (Not since friday.. it's Memorial fucking day weekend. Do I have a metaphysical beard and robe? Do I live on a fucking cloud and cast down fucking commandments?!) and you won't help me when I need it (I'm half fucking awake, and you asked a rhetorical fucking question. I've slept for at MOST two hours, and it's a fucking wall unit. Since when does it take two people to put in a fucking wall unit?!? Of fucking course I don't want to come over and 'help'. Ie, bullshit with you. I want to fucking get my sleep, or at bare minimum, enjoy my fucking Memorial day holiday for the boring, useless, pain-in-the-ass-with-no-fucking-sleep holiday it is.) If you ever need any help, ask your mom. I'm sick and tired of driving you around looking for a car (he did it one day, last week, and we went to three lots. They were closed. It was a Sunday. It took an hour.). You don't look for a job (which I've been doing all fucking week), and you don't help when I need it. (Ex-fucking-cuse me?! Who the fucking did the framing on your fucking house? The five bedroom, two bath, study, two story, fucking house? With no pay? In 100 degree fucking weather?) So don't ask for help again."
He then went on for some degree in this line. Told me how much of a worthless bum I am, lazy, et cetera. I said "okay" two times. Said it again, stressed, a third time. I hung up.
Lazy? Yes. Undependable? Yes. Bum? Yes. Who the fuck do you think taught me these things? This is just the latest thing, and to me the last straw. I refuse to even talk to again, after the way the phone call took towards the end. I have no father.
He doesn't have the internet. Frankly, the reason why the only field in electronics I can go into is hardware, for a related reaon. He constantly ridiculed and did his best to stop me from getting into computers (It's a lazy profession). To this day, I still don't have the self-confidence to work anything more than customer support for software systems. I get extreme panick attacks. In short, I'm all kinds of fucked up, and this man is at root for, if not all of it, 99% of it.
To go to work, you must either walk or drive to work.
To gain employment, you must have a car. This is non-negotiable, employwers demand proof of reliable transportation. This translates into a vehicle.
My car, as it stands, needs a little over $1000 to be legal to drive, and thus gain me employment. This includes new tags, plates, and insurance coverage (which alone costs several hundred dollars to buy coverage).
So my options, as it stands, are to either come up with around $1,000 to get my non-reliable car legal to move, but with little hope it will be road worthy for more than a few days, and thus gain employment.. or buy a new car.
Having no way to enter college (requires more money than I can possibly obtain without a job), or job, and having no such steady things for years (literally), I am in an absolute pit. I can either waste away, or pull myself out of this hole. First route to that is a job.
My only recourse is to ask my relatives for help.
My distant relatives don't have the cash.
My mom can barely afford to even run her business (and thus source of income).
My dad is the only one with cash to spare. So I ask him for a $2,000 loan (or even co-sign on a personal loan) in order to buy a new vehicle, to be given when I am hired on for a new job (ie: I lie about having steady means for transportation, and before they ask proof.. which is almost always given after one finds out if one has the job or not.. buy a car). In order to gain employment, go to college, ad nauseum. He agrees. We look at cars, I renew my resume, send it in to a few places, Friday hits. Memorial day weekend. Most shops around here are closed, or at bare minimum hiring managers are on holiday. I take the time to find more jobs to apply at on Tuesday, the soonest I can realistically expect to actually turn in an application and have it be taken seriously (usually applications get lost during the holiday season. I've lost several jobs this way, and almost lost one job that I did get for this same reason).
Friday night, I have nightmares resulting in a panic attack. I end up grabbing a few hours sleep on Saturday. For this, I am up most the night on Saturday night. Sunday rolls around and we have a huge thunderstorm. Road flooded, rain from 9pm to 12am. Extreme thunder and constant (loud) lightning. I lay in bed for eight hours, lights off, pillow over my head, and still can't sleep.
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I get up, take a smoke, then go back to bed to try and get a nap.
I fall asleep between 9 and 10. I get a call at 11 from dad.
He asks if I'm awake, I tell him I was sleeping, lightning kept me up.
He says: "So I guess you wouldn't want to come over and put in an air conditioning then?"
Me: "Uh, huh? I just fell asleep."
Him:(I wasn't fully awake, paraphrasing best I can here)
"I thought so. We haven't spoken for nearly a week (We had spoken Friday), you haven't been actively looking for a job (Not since friday.. it's Memorial fucking day weekend. Do I have a metaphysical beard and robe? Do I live on a fucking cloud and cast down fucking commandments?!) and you won't help me when I need it (I'm half fucking awake, and you asked a rhetorical fucking question. I've slept for at MOST two hours, and it's a fucking wall unit. Since when does it take two people to put in a fucking wall unit?!? Of fucking course I don't want to come over and 'help'. Ie, bullshit with you. I want to fucking get my sleep, or at bare minimum, enjoy my fucking Memorial day holiday for the boring, useless, pain-in-the-ass-with-no-fucking-sleep holiday it is.)
If you ever need any help, ask your mom. I'm sick and tired of driving you around looking for a car (he did it one day, last week, and we went to three lots. They were closed. It was a Sunday. It took an hour.). You don't look for a job (which I've been doing all fucking week), and you don't help when I need it. (Ex-fucking-cuse me?! Who the fucking did the framing on your fucking house? The five bedroom, two bath, study, two story, fucking house? With no pay? In 100 degree fucking weather?) So don't ask for help again."
He then went on for some degree in this line. Told me how much of a worthless bum I am, lazy, et cetera. I said "okay" two times. Said it again, stressed, a third time.
I hung up.
Lazy? Yes. Undependable? Yes. Bum? Yes. Who the fuck do you think taught me these things?
This is just the latest thing, and to me the last straw. I refuse to even talk to again, after the way the phone call took towards the end. I have no father.
Reply
And then send him the link.
Reply
Frankly, the reason why the only field in electronics I can go into is hardware, for a related reaon. He constantly ridiculed and did his best to stop me from getting into computers (It's a lazy profession). To this day, I still don't have the self-confidence to work anything more than customer support for software systems. I get extreme panick attacks.
In short, I'm all kinds of fucked up, and this man is at root for, if not all of it, 99% of it.
Reply
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