A Psychotic Lullaby
I don't know why all of a sudden I feel like writing in here. I haven't even been on this site in forever. It feels like this site is like another journal in my past life. I haven't written in here since I got out of rehab I believe. So much has happened. I'm not even going to get into the bullshit right now...I already have a headache from writing my research paper.
Everything has become such a blur to me. Like the world is going a million miles an hour and I'm still stuck in first gear. I'm never going to be able to be the person I want to be. I don't even know what it is that I want anymore. I can never truthfully tell myself that I'm ok. Maybe I'm better, maybe I'm not. I can't really tell. I haven't been slicing up myself anymore but my self mutilation has taken it's form in other ways. Mostly just fucking around with my head...putting so many crazy ideas that I don't even know what I'm thinking about. It's always a rush. I never get to stop and just take a breather you know. I want to be perfect. I want to be amazing.
Tumble down the bunny hole-I'm a modern day Alice in Wonderland, chasing the white rabbit. I look at my image in the mirror and it morphs into Mudusa. I step through it into athe world of self hatred and depression. I chase the rabbit through the violet shadowed hills, beneath the white Lithium sun- the evil star that skews all the colors to purple and crimson hues. All that is white dissippeares. It's hard to keep up... I keep losing sight of the rabbit... Mey skin begins to smoke from the sun, and I must take refuge in the shade of the Welbutrin trees.
I skip as I chase him down the Road of Tegretol... the path that will lead me through the wonderous lands, I swim in a sweet warmth of crystal Cardatrol pools and Lamotringine ponds. I'm captured by Depakote fairies, and I must dance with them to escape their grasp.
I find him again, relaxing by some crimson reeds along the Zyprexa River. I swollow the psycotropic rainbow of Verapamil as it falls across its waterfall to gain energy to continue chasing him into the Depakene plains.
But the Valium Queen finds me, as she shakes me away from my chase. She creates the ibrium storm... and the Paxil raindrops fall on my cheeks... the Celexa winds howl... The drops flod the land and the Xanax waves come crashing down upon me...
I awake in the Klonopin nightmare... the flood still raging in my lungs... and the Queen chases me into the Ativan maze... into the clutching arms of the demons of Luvox and Depacon, and they burn me in the sick fires of Zoloft. This is all for the quest of the white rabbit, all for the quest of sanity.
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did qrye and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.
I... have... lost... my... mind...
The doctor walks in, asks, "How are you?"
"I'm fine"
Everything has become such a blur to me. Like the world is going a million miles an hour and I'm still stuck in first gear. I'm never going to be able to be the person I want to be. I don't even know what it is that I want anymore. I can never truthfully tell myself that I'm ok. Maybe I'm better, maybe I'm not. I can't really tell. I haven't been slicing up myself anymore but my self mutilation has taken it's form in other ways. Mostly just fucking around with my head...putting so many crazy ideas that I don't even know what I'm thinking about. It's always a rush. I never get to stop and just take a breather you know. I want to be perfect. I want to be amazing.
Tumble down the bunny hole-I'm a modern day Alice in Wonderland, chasing the white rabbit. I look at my image in the mirror and it morphs into Mudusa. I step through it into athe world of self hatred and depression. I chase the rabbit through the violet shadowed hills, beneath the white Lithium sun- the evil star that skews all the colors to purple and crimson hues. All that is white dissippeares. It's hard to keep up... I keep losing sight of the rabbit... Mey skin begins to smoke from the sun, and I must take refuge in the shade of the Welbutrin trees.
I skip as I chase him down the Road of Tegretol... the path that will lead me through the wonderous lands, I swim in a sweet warmth of crystal Cardatrol pools and Lamotringine ponds. I'm captured by Depakote fairies, and I must dance with them to escape their grasp.
I find him again, relaxing by some crimson reeds along the Zyprexa River. I swollow the psycotropic rainbow of Verapamil as it falls across its waterfall to gain energy to continue chasing him into the Depakene plains.
But the Valium Queen finds me, as she shakes me away from my chase. She creates the ibrium storm... and the Paxil raindrops fall on my cheeks... the Celexa winds howl... The drops flod the land and the Xanax waves come crashing down upon me...
I awake in the Klonopin nightmare... the flood still raging in my lungs... and the Queen chases me into the Ativan maze... into the clutching arms of the demons of Luvox and Depacon, and they burn me in the sick fires of Zoloft. This is all for the quest of the white rabbit, all for the quest of sanity.
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did qrye and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.
I... have... lost... my... mind...
The doctor walks in, asks, "How are you?"
"I'm fine"