(no subject)
I'm spitting up blood. Not just like little streaks, but huge globs of it.
I don't know if it's from smoking or purging or both.
My brother thinks I have bronchitis[he's in pharmacy school] and thinks I should go to the doctor. Me thinks it'd be best to listen to him
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Hope everyone has a lovely day today, regardless of if you celebrate christmas or not.
piercing a blackened heart
an acid laced dart
through which poison flows
the victim doesn't yet know
the mortality lurking near
so he feels no fear
only power and glory
an ill-born story
he kept drinking
kept using
not thinking
consequence of no concern
but soon his soul was torn
beat down, broken
words softly spoken
"If only I'd known"
the fear has grown
the seed has been planted
he took life for granted
but now he sees
the true pain of disease
he puts down the dope
screaming with hope
these words I mean
"I promise to stay clean"
his vision is clearing
but he's still not hearing
other's warning stories of suffering
of what the disease will ulitmately b ring
always the same result
no one but your own fault
"you can change"
"things don't have to remain the same"
he grasped onto these thoughts
willing to pay the costs
to work through the pain
but the desire to use remained
he couldn't take it
falling back into that black pit
he went back to dope
unable to cope
he took his last breath
and died the addict's death
12/1/05
The weak moment from yesterday.
I emailed him.
He responded.
I wish he hadn't.
Because if he didn't, I think it'd be easier to let go of him.
Damn him.
Damn me for letting him have so much power over me.
Shit.
I can let go of alcohol, drugs, self-harm, and an eating disorder.
But I can't let go of a stupid boy.
Makes sense.
I called Ryan yesterday to return his call.
It was good hearing his voice.
I'm planning on driving to Louisbvlle next Saturday, and then hitting the mall there.
If I have an Christmas money left after I get my tattoo.
Which will probably happen on Tuesday.
I don't think they'll be open tomorrow, but I'll drive by and see.
Think I'll get my lip repierced as well.
I miss that shit.
it's the rock flower. symbol for strength. perfect recovery tattoo. and my neck is a perfect place to put it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE WONDERFUL ________codecs