(no subject)
life is weird.
ben closed the door and i was at the lowest point of my life. utterly lonely. fleeting hope. i had resigned myself to spending the rest of my days alone.
but at rock bottom, with no real future, someone emerged from the darkness. i don't expect bryant to fix me; ben's neglect left me with a lot of pieces to pick up. a lot of insecurities, a lot of anger, a lot of problems. but bryant is gentle and generous with his love. he does not withhold affection, rather it spills from him effortlessly. he understands my broken brain and he loves me regardless. i am more than the sickness to him; i am the good person i've always wanted to be. he sees through the fog of self-doubt and self-loathing that i can't penetrate and he builds me up. refocuses my view of myself through a new lens.
he is a good person. a genuine person. he's wickedly intelligent but in a quiet way that doesn't intimidate. he has a rich worldview, a love for culture, and a deep compassion for people. i've never known such kindness from a man. for the first time in my life, i'm experiencing healthy, requited love. the kind of love i could only dream about.
i'm not naive. i know i cannot base my happiness on romance. but i love hard, and i love deeply. having a vessel for that affection, and having it returned brings a light into my life. my problems won't go away, i know that. the debt still lingers, the anxiety still lights fires in my brain. but somehow it all seems less formidable now. he has planted the seed of a new future in my head, one that he wants just as much as i do.
i know things are moving quickly. but it feels right. he feels like home.
ben closed the door and i was at the lowest point of my life. utterly lonely. fleeting hope. i had resigned myself to spending the rest of my days alone.
but at rock bottom, with no real future, someone emerged from the darkness. i don't expect bryant to fix me; ben's neglect left me with a lot of pieces to pick up. a lot of insecurities, a lot of anger, a lot of problems. but bryant is gentle and generous with his love. he does not withhold affection, rather it spills from him effortlessly. he understands my broken brain and he loves me regardless. i am more than the sickness to him; i am the good person i've always wanted to be. he sees through the fog of self-doubt and self-loathing that i can't penetrate and he builds me up. refocuses my view of myself through a new lens.
he is a good person. a genuine person. he's wickedly intelligent but in a quiet way that doesn't intimidate. he has a rich worldview, a love for culture, and a deep compassion for people. i've never known such kindness from a man. for the first time in my life, i'm experiencing healthy, requited love. the kind of love i could only dream about.
i'm not naive. i know i cannot base my happiness on romance. but i love hard, and i love deeply. having a vessel for that affection, and having it returned brings a light into my life. my problems won't go away, i know that. the debt still lingers, the anxiety still lights fires in my brain. but somehow it all seems less formidable now. he has planted the seed of a new future in my head, one that he wants just as much as i do.
i know things are moving quickly. but it feels right. he feels like home.