A meaningful conversation
Following Nigel's birthday, I felt it was only right for me to send him a greeting email.
1stly, it was his birthday.
2ndly, we have not been talking for a year and being strangers is the last thing I would want from a failed relationship.
And so, I did. Sent him a short & simple email wishing him happy birthday.
Then, I went to Siglap to meet Clement for Liverpool's match.
When I came back, I on my laptop and checked my mailbox, he replied. Tears dropped almost immediately and I was nontheless, surprised at my own stupidity and emotions. It was only there and then that I realised, I missed him.
We finally had a decent conversation after 1 year. The MSN conversation lasted till 4am. Despite both of us urging each other to go to bed, we were both reluctant. It was like time has gone back to where we 1st met, the times where we would chat at my void deck, till 6am when his mum would call because she needed the car.
We talked about careers and phones. We slowly broke the ice and we then talked about us.
It is always sad when it comes to the relationship between him and me. So sad that after 1 damn year, I could actually still relate to the incidents that happened and I could still feel my heart aches.
I cried when he told me he is very proud of me, of my achievements, of who I have grown up to become. I cried when he told me the reasons to why he left. He didn't give up on me. He gave up on himself. I cried when he told me he would continue to feel bad should I have not emailed him. I cried when I told him I will be happy if he gets married. And I cried so bad when he told me he gave up because he knows he cannot give me the happiness I deserve.
We mocked the hell out of each other. We irritated and teased each other like old lovers. We shamlessly boasted we understand each other the best, which was true. He still knows when I'm crying, when I'm on the verge of becoming angry and when I'm sleepy. This kind of understanding is a result of quantity and quality time together which again, made me feel I have not wasted a single minute with him.
I miss him but I know it will take awhile longer before I can really face him in real life. Do not ask me why, I know I'm not prepared and not ready and I don't think he wants to have a meetup anytime now also.
God surely has a way of telling me who has the key to my heart. It has been one year and I have never been able to come to terms about my true feelings.
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Coming office today, SF broke the surprise. I will be handling regional accounts which consists of Thailand, Malaysia & Singapore from March. HQ has also decided Singapore will be the 1st country to launch the global credit card system in which all the employees on travel will get one and expenses will be charged directly to the company's card. The implementation will begin in April which means I will be busier than I'm. I'm happy. It will definitely be more work but it will be much more exposure which I'm looking forward to. Handling regional has been one of my objectives since Day 1 in the office. This, is a pleasant surprise.
All in all, I hope things go well. Regional finance + budget meeting in July. SF & I are crossing our fingers it will be held in Hongkong because it will means shopping & eating after work!