Random Thoughts
I'm tired of school, any school, university, high school, middle school, all school. I feel like my hamster must have felt on her little wheel, running forward and getting no where. I just sit there regurgitating what my teachers tell me on paper but I can't feel pride in my good marks. An A, woopty fucking do, a monkey could write the exact same thing I write. Than I go for something different, something new, I write my paper on the fate of modern art in Germany during the Nazi movement. It's a good paper, awesome, I bring my rough draft to school and she skims through it. My conclusion relates the propaganda used then to how it is used today and she tells me not to bring my political views in my paper and if I do to say it more subtle. Subtle? Fuck you! Is that subtle enough for you? She brings her own feminazi leftwing commy bullshit ideas to class every fucking day and I have to swallow it and pretend I agree to get a good mark but then I say something she doesn't agree with and I'm bringing my political views to class. Fucking bitch. I'm not really angry, though. I know I'll get an A. I'm just tired of this kind of slavery. Slavery of free thought, of original thought. I had to write a two page paper on my ... HERO ... am I in the second grade? But I have to do it to get an A ... because if I want to get a job I'll have to show a little paper that says ... oo look ... I am oh so smart cause I copied exactly what my teacher told me to copy ... see ... it says so right there. If all there is to learning is memorizing books than all you need is a library pass ....
Maybe I've been reading Nietzsche for too long. I'm trying to expand my mind, I need to feed it sometimes with more than just what's offered to me, because even though I like to bitch sometimes the truth is you have no one to blame for your life but yourself. Honestly. You might be dealt a bad hand but it's still in your hands to deal with it. That doesn't sound very compassionate does it? That's o.k I don't think compassion exists, anyway. I think it's just something smart men made up because they gazed into the truth of their own soul and realized how ugly it really was ... and they didn't want to scare the masses with that bit of "Truth" so lo and behold compassion was created. No one does anything for anyone else simply because of the good in their heart. There is always a pay off even if that pay off is something petty like feeling good about yourself. That's the pay off. That's why we want to help others. True compassion does sometimes manifest itself .... but I think it's only part of God (and don't label me with Judeo-Christian crap ... my beliefs are my own ... they don't belong to anything or anyone else) and those people that show these traits are truly touched by this being I refer to as God simply for lack of a better term.
The values we hold in high esteem as the ones we want to bury as fast as possible. Honor, compassion, truth ... ha ... as if anyone really wants the truth. We want illusion, deceit and most of all comfort. Life should be easy, right? Someone must have lied to you. Why should life be easy. Why is that what people aspire to? If all you want is to float through life than end your life right now? Isn't that the easier root of all. Than you'll just be dead. You won't have to work, to struggle, to think (heaven forbid), but the problem is we don't know what comes after death. It's that mystery that frightens us ... what if it's just a doorway to another form of life that's even harder than this one ... heh ... ain't that a kick in the face.
Bah ... I'm gonna go back to reading now ... :)
Maria
Maybe I've been reading Nietzsche for too long. I'm trying to expand my mind, I need to feed it sometimes with more than just what's offered to me, because even though I like to bitch sometimes the truth is you have no one to blame for your life but yourself. Honestly. You might be dealt a bad hand but it's still in your hands to deal with it. That doesn't sound very compassionate does it? That's o.k I don't think compassion exists, anyway. I think it's just something smart men made up because they gazed into the truth of their own soul and realized how ugly it really was ... and they didn't want to scare the masses with that bit of "Truth" so lo and behold compassion was created. No one does anything for anyone else simply because of the good in their heart. There is always a pay off even if that pay off is something petty like feeling good about yourself. That's the pay off. That's why we want to help others. True compassion does sometimes manifest itself .... but I think it's only part of God (and don't label me with Judeo-Christian crap ... my beliefs are my own ... they don't belong to anything or anyone else) and those people that show these traits are truly touched by this being I refer to as God simply for lack of a better term.
The values we hold in high esteem as the ones we want to bury as fast as possible. Honor, compassion, truth ... ha ... as if anyone really wants the truth. We want illusion, deceit and most of all comfort. Life should be easy, right? Someone must have lied to you. Why should life be easy. Why is that what people aspire to? If all you want is to float through life than end your life right now? Isn't that the easier root of all. Than you'll just be dead. You won't have to work, to struggle, to think (heaven forbid), but the problem is we don't know what comes after death. It's that mystery that frightens us ... what if it's just a doorway to another form of life that's even harder than this one ... heh ... ain't that a kick in the face.
Bah ... I'm gonna go back to reading now ... :)
Maria