Transcendental Highway
I'm searching for the words to express what I feel and nothing comes. I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm the most apathetic. I'm the most depressed. All at the same time. I have no idea where my life is leading me. It seems everytime I set up a plan, everytime I have a concrete idea of what's going to happen, life goes ... "hmm nah I don't think so". You'd think after walking into the same wall over and over again I'd learn, you're wrong, I haven't.
I finally came on my moment of what my design teacher calls "awareness". He's such a radical strange dude but preety cool. Awareness, nirvana, enlightment is such a fleeting thing. It's like a cloud ... you grasp it for a moment .. a few seconds and you know ... you know everything and anything .. and then it slips from your grasp and you're left lost once more. Just be. As soon as I say I'll be fine I'm filled with self-doubt. The moment I think 'fuck it' ... I feel who I am and what I'm going to do with my life. Then the more I realize I know ... the more confidence I get ... and I try to grasp awareness again ... and again it slips from me.
I realize I'm not making alot of sense. I guess the advice I'd give to anyone is ... follow your dreams ... really follow them. REALLY do what you want to do ... you might fail ... but it's not failure because you tried something. I tried art ... I went to the art college .. did it ... and found out it wasn't me. When I tell people their first reaction is one of sadness ... as if I had failed at something. I haven't! I've had an experience ... I went for something uncertain and I've grown from it.
The truth is I'd like to life on a small house on a distant hill ... sitting in a rickety chair tending to animals. I'd like to be a buddhist monk. A stripper in New York. A lawyer in Washington. A begger in Hong Kong. A painter in Paris. I want all of these at the same time. It's confusing and beautiful. For now my journey is walked by me alone ... someday I hope I'll have someone else with me ... a friend ... a husband ... a daughter/son ... I don't know ...
That's all. Oh. Pot, Vodka and Wine make a bad mix ...
Me
I finally came on my moment of what my design teacher calls "awareness". He's such a radical strange dude but preety cool. Awareness, nirvana, enlightment is such a fleeting thing. It's like a cloud ... you grasp it for a moment .. a few seconds and you know ... you know everything and anything .. and then it slips from your grasp and you're left lost once more. Just be. As soon as I say I'll be fine I'm filled with self-doubt. The moment I think 'fuck it' ... I feel who I am and what I'm going to do with my life. Then the more I realize I know ... the more confidence I get ... and I try to grasp awareness again ... and again it slips from me.
I realize I'm not making alot of sense. I guess the advice I'd give to anyone is ... follow your dreams ... really follow them. REALLY do what you want to do ... you might fail ... but it's not failure because you tried something. I tried art ... I went to the art college .. did it ... and found out it wasn't me. When I tell people their first reaction is one of sadness ... as if I had failed at something. I haven't! I've had an experience ... I went for something uncertain and I've grown from it.
The truth is I'd like to life on a small house on a distant hill ... sitting in a rickety chair tending to animals. I'd like to be a buddhist monk. A stripper in New York. A lawyer in Washington. A begger in Hong Kong. A painter in Paris. I want all of these at the same time. It's confusing and beautiful. For now my journey is walked by me alone ... someday I hope I'll have someone else with me ... a friend ... a husband ... a daughter/son ... I don't know ...
That's all. Oh. Pot, Vodka and Wine make a bad mix ...
Me