Showdown: Middle East vs. Midwest
Many of you know, if you've followed my journal over the last couple years, how much I disliked being in the Midwest. I felt trapped; resultingly, my complaints were not infrequent. And then the Army decided to send me to the Middle East. One could say to be careful what you wish for. That is not to say the Middle East is without its nice aspects. In fact, there are a few things I will miss about it.
But which is really the lesser of the two evils better. Let's figure that out...
Midwest: Green foilage -- trees, grass, and the like.
Middle East: Brown as far as the eye can see. And further.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Gas price: $2+
Middle East: Free, for me.
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Horses
Middle East: Camels
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Horse-racing
Middle East: Camel-racing
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Cable modem (fast connection), unfiltered web connection, and full-control of my computer
Middle East: Slow LAN, web filters that make no sense, restricted permissions that interfere with such simple tasks as printing, and daily computer problems inflicted by incompetent network admins.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Cheap grain.
Middle East: Cheap bootleg movies
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Air is fairly clean.
Middle East: Air has texture.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Large beverage selection to choose from at nearly any store.
Middle East: Limited beverage selection, but plentiful and free.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Hanging-out with friends.
Middle East: Taking part in the liberation of a country of oppressed people, and the fostering of democracy in the Middle East. And then watching the same DVD movie you've seen 17 times already because there's nothing else to do.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Pad Thai, steak, Italian...anything I want from a variety of resturaunts.
Middle East: Being unable to guess the meat being served for lunch at the Dining Facility; the most common supposition being that it is leftover dinner from the night before...it's the same color, anyway.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Air often smells of cow shit.
Middle East: Air often smells of human shit.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Tornados.
Middle East: Sandstorms.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Overzealous cops, and inanely-enforced traffic laws. Also, how in the hell does my license get suspended when I'm not even in the country.
Middle East: No enforcement of traffic laws; where can you drive 150 mph in the US and not get ticketed as you rocket past the police?
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Traffic accidents happen. Sometimes. People are relatively careful, so injuries vary in severity. Many route options provide freedom of choice, as well as potentially safer driving.
Middle East: Reckless driving is the standard. Most traffic accidents result in fatalities (and that's not counting IEDs). Limited, but well-maintained roads. Must travel armed.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: The Bush Administration.
Middle East: Strong anti-American sentiment.
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Dead and rotting racoons and dogs on the side of the road, hit by traffic, are often cleaned-up (depending on where you live).
Middle East: Dead and rotting sheep and camels on the side of the road, dragged there by herders, sit there forever offering you the opportunity to study all stages of decomposition.
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Radio stations...poor music, when not playing commercials.
Middle East: Radio stations...minimal commercials, large variety is standard station format.
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Yellow ribbons on vehicles everywhere.
Middle East: The occassional "God Bless U.S. Troops" signs.
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Navigating unfamiliar area is relatively easy if you pay attention to signs. Worst-case scenario: you have to ask for directions.
Middle East: Navigating unfamiliar area is difficult if you can't read Arabic or don't have good maps. Worst-case scenario: you are killed.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Nothing to do.
Middle East: Nothing to do.
Edge: Midwest, somehow...
And the winner is...
The Midwest, 11 to 8.
I guess the Midwest isn't so bad after all!
But which is really the lesser of the two evils better. Let's figure that out...
Midwest: Green foilage -- trees, grass, and the like.
Middle East: Brown as far as the eye can see. And further.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Gas price: $2+
Middle East: Free, for me.
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Horses
Middle East: Camels
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Horse-racing
Middle East: Camel-racing
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Cable modem (fast connection), unfiltered web connection, and full-control of my computer
Middle East: Slow LAN, web filters that make no sense, restricted permissions that interfere with such simple tasks as printing, and daily computer problems inflicted by incompetent network admins.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Cheap grain.
Middle East: Cheap bootleg movies
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Air is fairly clean.
Middle East: Air has texture.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Large beverage selection to choose from at nearly any store.
Middle East: Limited beverage selection, but plentiful and free.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Hanging-out with friends.
Middle East: Taking part in the liberation of a country of oppressed people, and the fostering of democracy in the Middle East. And then watching the same DVD movie you've seen 17 times already because there's nothing else to do.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Pad Thai, steak, Italian...anything I want from a variety of resturaunts.
Middle East: Being unable to guess the meat being served for lunch at the Dining Facility; the most common supposition being that it is leftover dinner from the night before...it's the same color, anyway.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Air often smells of cow shit.
Middle East: Air often smells of human shit.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Tornados.
Middle East: Sandstorms.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Overzealous cops, and inanely-enforced traffic laws. Also, how in the hell does my license get suspended when I'm not even in the country.
Middle East: No enforcement of traffic laws; where can you drive 150 mph in the US and not get ticketed as you rocket past the police?
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Traffic accidents happen. Sometimes. People are relatively careful, so injuries vary in severity. Many route options provide freedom of choice, as well as potentially safer driving.
Middle East: Reckless driving is the standard. Most traffic accidents result in fatalities (and that's not counting IEDs). Limited, but well-maintained roads. Must travel armed.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: The Bush Administration.
Middle East: Strong anti-American sentiment.
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Dead and rotting racoons and dogs on the side of the road, hit by traffic, are often cleaned-up (depending on where you live).
Middle East: Dead and rotting sheep and camels on the side of the road, dragged there by herders, sit there forever offering you the opportunity to study all stages of decomposition.
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Radio stations...poor music, when not playing commercials.
Middle East: Radio stations...minimal commercials, large variety is standard station format.
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Yellow ribbons on vehicles everywhere.
Middle East: The occassional "God Bless U.S. Troops" signs.
Edge: Middle East
Midwest: Navigating unfamiliar area is relatively easy if you pay attention to signs. Worst-case scenario: you have to ask for directions.
Middle East: Navigating unfamiliar area is difficult if you can't read Arabic or don't have good maps. Worst-case scenario: you are killed.
Edge: Midwest
Midwest: Nothing to do.
Middle East: Nothing to do.
Edge: Midwest, somehow...
And the winner is...
The Midwest, 11 to 8.
I guess the Midwest isn't so bad after all!