at the end...
alright, so they say high schools suppost to be the best time of your life.
and college better?
my frustration is through the roof. seriously just want to have a great time at college. two years community college, not bad, minor frustrations, i enjoyed it. RIT was a shock when i figured out i couldnt handel my acidemic work without the help of adderall and some learning support. studio was a shock too. my whole time was consumed. i was also frustrated with the quater system which im realising now wasnt so bad. i was also getting an excellent glass education in great clean facilities. i basically screewed myself by leaving RIT. tho i had my reasons. like only having two other sophmores in my class. one lived with her parents just was going to school to buy some time, never did work. and the other a crazy miserable moody feministic 23yr old bitch who thought she was above everyone. none of us worked well together, and we had to until graduation.
so i come to alfred. unbeliveably beuatiful! here, two studios and my acidemic courses. two studios consume more time then imagined (its not odd to be on campus from 8am-2am) and hard to get my basic weekly acidemic readings/assignments done. you work through the weekends here, 7days a week, usally able to get out at least friday, saturday night. so. with that its very hard for me to get to the extra work my acidemic courses require such as research and papers. end of the semester, completly overwhelmed, realise im in over my head and theres no way im able to complete all of my work by the end of the semseter. i go to the dean to try withdraw from a course that i debated about withdrawing from during the withdraw period but decided to stick it out a little longer. long story short the deans complete asshole who even tho SAS (student acidmeic services) is working to try and help me withdraw the course because of learning disabilities, im getting penalised for trying to stick it out and realising i made a bad decision. just fucking rediclous, im not failing the class as of now, but my scholarship is now at stake. to top it off i cant get my reading done for paper presentation due on tues (for my painting class! rediclous) because takes me so long to read/take notes, and the noise from where im living interfearing as well. noise stresses me out so badly being between two floors. also overwhelmed at having no way to fix this situation and just generally upset with myself not being able to do the work that everyone seems capable of doing. SO FRUSTRATED! my nerves are so shot. feeling so desperate for something to go right, i just want to enjoy college. my chest has been bothering me past couple nights and my stomachs had that constant nervous/anxious anxiety feeling all week. im to the point right now where college is not fun. i feel pissed at myself that i cant get my work done and i have no control over this. ive always been able to get shit done even if ive been at the end of my rope, its just not possible here with what time ive got left this semster. whats more upsetting were dumping money into a school where a fucking gold tooth dean cant understand that a learning disability is putting my scholarship at stake right now (and that ive been working hard for past three years)!!! hes handled things very unperfessionally too. i could understand if i were failing the class, but im not. and student services, my advisor, my teacher, my parents, and friends are on my side! fucking rediclous. i just really really really wanted to enjoy school. just not cut out for it apparently. i dont know whats going to happen in the next year and half. just want/NEED things to start working! im so desperate for help right now and gotten nothing. i dont know what to do with myself.
these next three weeks are going to be hell.
just need a relese. just want it to be over. seriously hard to care much bout it anymore, but i cant let it go. worked to hard up until now past couple years to just let this shit slip under me. seriously just wish i could take off and not deal with it anymore. keep ripping my hair out.
and college better?
my frustration is through the roof. seriously just want to have a great time at college. two years community college, not bad, minor frustrations, i enjoyed it. RIT was a shock when i figured out i couldnt handel my acidemic work without the help of adderall and some learning support. studio was a shock too. my whole time was consumed. i was also frustrated with the quater system which im realising now wasnt so bad. i was also getting an excellent glass education in great clean facilities. i basically screewed myself by leaving RIT. tho i had my reasons. like only having two other sophmores in my class. one lived with her parents just was going to school to buy some time, never did work. and the other a crazy miserable moody feministic 23yr old bitch who thought she was above everyone. none of us worked well together, and we had to until graduation.
so i come to alfred. unbeliveably beuatiful! here, two studios and my acidemic courses. two studios consume more time then imagined (its not odd to be on campus from 8am-2am) and hard to get my basic weekly acidemic readings/assignments done. you work through the weekends here, 7days a week, usally able to get out at least friday, saturday night. so. with that its very hard for me to get to the extra work my acidemic courses require such as research and papers. end of the semester, completly overwhelmed, realise im in over my head and theres no way im able to complete all of my work by the end of the semseter. i go to the dean to try withdraw from a course that i debated about withdrawing from during the withdraw period but decided to stick it out a little longer. long story short the deans complete asshole who even tho SAS (student acidmeic services) is working to try and help me withdraw the course because of learning disabilities, im getting penalised for trying to stick it out and realising i made a bad decision. just fucking rediclous, im not failing the class as of now, but my scholarship is now at stake. to top it off i cant get my reading done for paper presentation due on tues (for my painting class! rediclous) because takes me so long to read/take notes, and the noise from where im living interfearing as well. noise stresses me out so badly being between two floors. also overwhelmed at having no way to fix this situation and just generally upset with myself not being able to do the work that everyone seems capable of doing. SO FRUSTRATED! my nerves are so shot. feeling so desperate for something to go right, i just want to enjoy college. my chest has been bothering me past couple nights and my stomachs had that constant nervous/anxious anxiety feeling all week. im to the point right now where college is not fun. i feel pissed at myself that i cant get my work done and i have no control over this. ive always been able to get shit done even if ive been at the end of my rope, its just not possible here with what time ive got left this semster. whats more upsetting were dumping money into a school where a fucking gold tooth dean cant understand that a learning disability is putting my scholarship at stake right now (and that ive been working hard for past three years)!!! hes handled things very unperfessionally too. i could understand if i were failing the class, but im not. and student services, my advisor, my teacher, my parents, and friends are on my side! fucking rediclous. i just really really really wanted to enjoy school. just not cut out for it apparently. i dont know whats going to happen in the next year and half. just want/NEED things to start working! im so desperate for help right now and gotten nothing. i dont know what to do with myself.
these next three weeks are going to be hell.
just need a relese. just want it to be over. seriously hard to care much bout it anymore, but i cant let it go. worked to hard up until now past couple years to just let this shit slip under me. seriously just wish i could take off and not deal with it anymore. keep ripping my hair out.