this ones gonna be long so brace urself
today prac wasnt good.. at all
one particular time of running thru the routine, we were doing the basket toss and i backspot melissa.. well she didnt sit up and fell on me and i tried catching her which i did, but her whole body fell on mine and i hit the ground with all of her weight on me
so i tried to get up quick cuz the other basket toss is right behind us and i didnt wanna be in their way and i got up and realized i couldnt breathe at all.. like and i was starting to cry and i couldnt help it but i kept going with the whole routine and all the stunts and when we were done dana noticed i wasnt good so she told theresa and she was like WHY DIDNT U WALK OFF THE MAT?! so i knew u were hurt! " lol and i was like well if that happened in a competition i would have to keep going so i did.
so i was crying and i had to sit out cuz i couldnt catch my breatej and i got the wind knocked outta me and i was all shooken up and the bbal players had to be watching that time and they all saw me cry.. ugh. i just hope it doesnt happen tomorow. so t hat was my scary practice. and let me tell u it was scary...like i didnt kno wat to do. k enough about that
after cheering was done we all got ready in the locker room.. ate pizza and just hung out until we went up to the school were the game was at. we got killed =[ but we played an amazing team so it was expected. they had a carrot top tho who was actually adorable ! and everyone knows how much i love carrot tops <3
plus a boy who looked like SHAQ! k so then after the game i came home and it all started..
i tried having a normal convo with my mom about how much it bothers me when she makes it out to be like im obese and when i cheat i feel bad enough and i get mad enough at myself that i dont need her being like disgusted with me, like sorry its hard for me to diet.. sorry this is the heaviest i have ever been in my life.. sorry this damn birth control is making me gain weight like no other .. its not fair.. i try to improve my skin and then i gain weight .. and i dont kno whether i should go off of it incase it is def adding to my weight problem or not cuz its gonna help my skin.. like seriously its too much for me. its not fair. i shouldt have to worry about every single thing in my appearance but i do.. and i kno i have control over the dieting thing.. but at the same time I DONT! like i cannot control myself and i dont kno if i need to find a diet that works for me.. or if i need to go to weight watcher meetings or what but i kno if i dont do something about it ill be more upset in the future.
so i tried having a normal convo with her.. and she turns it around saying how i say everything she does is wrong so shes screaming and i go upstairs crying cuz her and my dad r bitches
so i open my door and listen to what they r saying cuz they arent trying to be quiet at all! so my mom and dad r going on and on about how they cant deal with me, how it is so unfortunate that jimmy is the one going away in the fall and not me, how could they possibly go thru another year with me in the house, how i NEVER EVER go out with my friends ? , how i dont exercise enough , how im gonna get fatter and fatter and then am going to blame them when i look gross, how i always used to be able to get away with having NO Personality cuz i was always pretty they thought, but now since im heavier thats gone so i dont even have that to fall back on!?, how i make them so unhappy and miserable and the kno im so unhappy and they feel bad but i make them even more unhappy so it doesnt matter?!?!?
LIKE CUZ THATS ALL REALLY COOL STUFF 4 U TO SAY MOM AND DAD.
honestly i cant take it. when i say they dont get it.. they really dont.. i cant talk to them like normal human beings .. but they think IM the one who doesnt understand.. so now my mom is off crying somewhere with my dad and im left on the computer because i am the child with the heart of rock and i have no feelings and im always wrong.
so that was my wonderful nite and my chest still hurts to top it off
one particular time of running thru the routine, we were doing the basket toss and i backspot melissa.. well she didnt sit up and fell on me and i tried catching her which i did, but her whole body fell on mine and i hit the ground with all of her weight on me
so i tried to get up quick cuz the other basket toss is right behind us and i didnt wanna be in their way and i got up and realized i couldnt breathe at all.. like and i was starting to cry and i couldnt help it but i kept going with the whole routine and all the stunts and when we were done dana noticed i wasnt good so she told theresa and she was like WHY DIDNT U WALK OFF THE MAT?! so i knew u were hurt! " lol and i was like well if that happened in a competition i would have to keep going so i did.
so i was crying and i had to sit out cuz i couldnt catch my breatej and i got the wind knocked outta me and i was all shooken up and the bbal players had to be watching that time and they all saw me cry.. ugh. i just hope it doesnt happen tomorow. so t hat was my scary practice. and let me tell u it was scary...like i didnt kno wat to do. k enough about that
after cheering was done we all got ready in the locker room.. ate pizza and just hung out until we went up to the school were the game was at. we got killed =[ but we played an amazing team so it was expected. they had a carrot top tho who was actually adorable ! and everyone knows how much i love carrot tops <3
plus a boy who looked like SHAQ! k so then after the game i came home and it all started..
i tried having a normal convo with my mom about how much it bothers me when she makes it out to be like im obese and when i cheat i feel bad enough and i get mad enough at myself that i dont need her being like disgusted with me, like sorry its hard for me to diet.. sorry this is the heaviest i have ever been in my life.. sorry this damn birth control is making me gain weight like no other .. its not fair.. i try to improve my skin and then i gain weight .. and i dont kno whether i should go off of it incase it is def adding to my weight problem or not cuz its gonna help my skin.. like seriously its too much for me. its not fair. i shouldt have to worry about every single thing in my appearance but i do.. and i kno i have control over the dieting thing.. but at the same time I DONT! like i cannot control myself and i dont kno if i need to find a diet that works for me.. or if i need to go to weight watcher meetings or what but i kno if i dont do something about it ill be more upset in the future.
so i tried having a normal convo with her.. and she turns it around saying how i say everything she does is wrong so shes screaming and i go upstairs crying cuz her and my dad r bitches
so i open my door and listen to what they r saying cuz they arent trying to be quiet at all! so my mom and dad r going on and on about how they cant deal with me, how it is so unfortunate that jimmy is the one going away in the fall and not me, how could they possibly go thru another year with me in the house, how i NEVER EVER go out with my friends ? , how i dont exercise enough , how im gonna get fatter and fatter and then am going to blame them when i look gross, how i always used to be able to get away with having NO Personality cuz i was always pretty they thought, but now since im heavier thats gone so i dont even have that to fall back on!?, how i make them so unhappy and miserable and the kno im so unhappy and they feel bad but i make them even more unhappy so it doesnt matter?!?!?
LIKE CUZ THATS ALL REALLY COOL STUFF 4 U TO SAY MOM AND DAD.
honestly i cant take it. when i say they dont get it.. they really dont.. i cant talk to them like normal human beings .. but they think IM the one who doesnt understand.. so now my mom is off crying somewhere with my dad and im left on the computer because i am the child with the heart of rock and i have no feelings and im always wrong.
so that was my wonderful nite and my chest still hurts to top it off