(no subject)
i went to a party last night, that was hawaii themed.. the most fun i've ever had. we had this crazy relay race that involved shots, water, hula hooping, and me almost yes ALMOST puking my brains out. i can't believe how seriously i take life sometimes. i just want things to be the way they were. i miss hanging out with friends and going to school during the week (even though i hated it) i think i would rather have it all back. i was thinking about forgiving my father for everything he's ever made me feel in the past 12 years, i just don't know if i'm ready to involve him in my life. i'm still pretty hurt over the fact that he hasn't called.. maybe i expect too much out of him.
so there's this really cute guy i met who totally digs me, but becuase of my overpowering fear of getting hurt again i keep pushing him away. its hard once you've given your heart to someone and they've broken it. its like a piece of you is taken away, and you instantly put your guard up the second someone even says hi. i've been looking at things in my life, probably a little more than i should be cause its just destroying me more. i can't seem to make any decisions. i can't stand my job, but i can't seem to quit. i want to move out but i can't cause i'd have to keep my job to afford it. i'd like a new car, but that's another bill i just can't afford to pay right now. i never thought life could be so complicated.. i don't know how people do it. all i know is that they have more courage than i do, cause frankly i'm a chicken shit.
so there's this really cute guy i met who totally digs me, but becuase of my overpowering fear of getting hurt again i keep pushing him away. its hard once you've given your heart to someone and they've broken it. its like a piece of you is taken away, and you instantly put your guard up the second someone even says hi. i've been looking at things in my life, probably a little more than i should be cause its just destroying me more. i can't seem to make any decisions. i can't stand my job, but i can't seem to quit. i want to move out but i can't cause i'd have to keep my job to afford it. i'd like a new car, but that's another bill i just can't afford to pay right now. i never thought life could be so complicated.. i don't know how people do it. all i know is that they have more courage than i do, cause frankly i'm a chicken shit.