(no subject)
Wow I haven't written anything in here in a while (or is it wrote?). Lets see what have I been up to? Ya nothing as usual. School finished up last week so I'm happy about that. I got a B+ in chem despite not getting above a 75 on a test, not getting over a 50 on a quiz, and not handing in 3 labs. I love massbay community slacker college.
I've been riding bikes, but not as much as usual. I'm actaully kind of bummed on bikes, my bike is broken (well loose and shitty feeling) and gas is too expensive to ride anywhere good. I always wanna go ride prov but I'm too lazy to drive and too poor and I just ride foxboro instead. Oh and I got arrested in prov...that was sweet...not.
We were riding and decided to take a smoke break, bike cops roll up, I had like a gram in my backpack I didn't even know about and the cop was a dick. It was funny seeing the cops opening the jar and getting a whiff of the diesel, I think they got high just smelling it lol. It was shitty, but spending a night in a providence jail cell wasn't as bad as I thought, and I found out I'm mentally stronger than I thought.
Then the week after we were coming back from the New Haven park at like 2 in the morning and got pulled over going into RI by RI cops. The kid driving had shit in his car and told the cops basically straight away told them. So they searched everything and I had a little in my bag. Luckily since I got busted the last week my shit was well hidden and my bag and the cop didn't find it. The kid driving got arested though, we had to bail him out, I got home at 7 am.
And then the next week I was driving to school down a road I always fly down. I was going about 60 around the last turn and boom cop. He got all pissy and said I was gonna have to go to court for reckless driving, blah blah blah. I ended up just getting a $100 ticket, which sucks but I can deal with that. And he goes "what were you going like 45 around that turn?!" and I was like "I don't think so maybe 40" and he goes "I doubt that I'm a pretty good judge of speed". HA I doubt that seeing as I was def not going under 55.
So ya that was some shit right there...gotta love the dark cloud following you around feeling.
I've had a lot of thoughts about mortality lately...my own and others. I guess its true, being young you don't think about your own death, but as you get older I guess you do. I never really realized thinking about it until today. I've also been having some crazy dreams which probably aren't helping it at all. Like this morning I had one that I was in the navy and somehow we were all getting shot at and everyone died except me and 2 other people, one of which I was apparently close to. Anyways it was weird because even thought he just got shot, he was already almost a skeleton and I said something like I wish I could hug you right now and he goes, "you have to" and then I could see his soul disappear from his body. Very strange. I've been trying to analyze that dream all day to realize what it could actaully mean and I have no idea.
But its weird because I almost never have dreams anymore, but all my dreams are crazy/weird so whatever. Maybe its because I haven't been smoking nearly as much lately. In fact its been I think 3 days since I did and I feel...eh ok. I dunno, I would like to quit and get my shit straight, but I really realize life sucks when I don't. I guess that could just be going through a change. I'm gonna try to stop for like 2 weeks and see how I feel then. We'll see if I make it. But its bad because I really do love weed. Ha its so lame to say that and makes me sound like such an addict but the love goes far beyond getting high. I don't know, you'd have to love it in the same way to understand. Then again maybe its just not for me. I have realized that in the way that I've stopped smoking before every single thing in my life a long time ago because I couldn't function. Am I maturing? Am I realizing that I need to live in the real world despite the fact that its fucking horrible? I don't know but its sure starting to feel that way.
Ohhhh long rambling time wasting LJ entries how I've missed you. There was something else I've wanted to write about but I can't remember now. Ya I'm still a lonely loser. I've always heard people say that love or w/e finds you when you least expect it/try for it, but ya know what? I've not given a fuck about finding anyone/being with anyone for over a year and know where its gotten me? Being lonely, miserable, and trying to escape from life as much as I can through whatever means possible. Whatever though, I've kind of just accepted the fact that I'll be alone my entire life and I'm getting a head start on dealing with it I guess. Wow thats sad ha. I'm such an emo loser. Someone find a girl for me ha.
This is like a fucking book right here. Man LJ entries make me emo. I can talk about my car that'll make me non emo. I put in a new grounding kit, rear shift bushing, and group N tranny mount this weekend and they feel pretty sweet. I also have prodrive springs, kyb struts, and group N tophats sitting in my basement waiting to be put on. I was gonna do it myself but after a weekend of swearing at my car just putting on that other shit I thought better of it. Damn new england cars fucking rust buckets. Mmm thinking of the car definatly makes me feel better. If only I had i big fat joint to smoke...wait, must not think of weed! haha. Wow, I sure made up for not posting in here for a long ass time huh?
I've been riding bikes, but not as much as usual. I'm actaully kind of bummed on bikes, my bike is broken (well loose and shitty feeling) and gas is too expensive to ride anywhere good. I always wanna go ride prov but I'm too lazy to drive and too poor and I just ride foxboro instead. Oh and I got arrested in prov...that was sweet...not.
We were riding and decided to take a smoke break, bike cops roll up, I had like a gram in my backpack I didn't even know about and the cop was a dick. It was funny seeing the cops opening the jar and getting a whiff of the diesel, I think they got high just smelling it lol. It was shitty, but spending a night in a providence jail cell wasn't as bad as I thought, and I found out I'm mentally stronger than I thought.
Then the week after we were coming back from the New Haven park at like 2 in the morning and got pulled over going into RI by RI cops. The kid driving had shit in his car and told the cops basically straight away told them. So they searched everything and I had a little in my bag. Luckily since I got busted the last week my shit was well hidden and my bag and the cop didn't find it. The kid driving got arested though, we had to bail him out, I got home at 7 am.
And then the next week I was driving to school down a road I always fly down. I was going about 60 around the last turn and boom cop. He got all pissy and said I was gonna have to go to court for reckless driving, blah blah blah. I ended up just getting a $100 ticket, which sucks but I can deal with that. And he goes "what were you going like 45 around that turn?!" and I was like "I don't think so maybe 40" and he goes "I doubt that I'm a pretty good judge of speed". HA I doubt that seeing as I was def not going under 55.
So ya that was some shit right there...gotta love the dark cloud following you around feeling.
I've had a lot of thoughts about mortality lately...my own and others. I guess its true, being young you don't think about your own death, but as you get older I guess you do. I never really realized thinking about it until today. I've also been having some crazy dreams which probably aren't helping it at all. Like this morning I had one that I was in the navy and somehow we were all getting shot at and everyone died except me and 2 other people, one of which I was apparently close to. Anyways it was weird because even thought he just got shot, he was already almost a skeleton and I said something like I wish I could hug you right now and he goes, "you have to" and then I could see his soul disappear from his body. Very strange. I've been trying to analyze that dream all day to realize what it could actaully mean and I have no idea.
But its weird because I almost never have dreams anymore, but all my dreams are crazy/weird so whatever. Maybe its because I haven't been smoking nearly as much lately. In fact its been I think 3 days since I did and I feel...eh ok. I dunno, I would like to quit and get my shit straight, but I really realize life sucks when I don't. I guess that could just be going through a change. I'm gonna try to stop for like 2 weeks and see how I feel then. We'll see if I make it. But its bad because I really do love weed. Ha its so lame to say that and makes me sound like such an addict but the love goes far beyond getting high. I don't know, you'd have to love it in the same way to understand. Then again maybe its just not for me. I have realized that in the way that I've stopped smoking before every single thing in my life a long time ago because I couldn't function. Am I maturing? Am I realizing that I need to live in the real world despite the fact that its fucking horrible? I don't know but its sure starting to feel that way.
Ohhhh long rambling time wasting LJ entries how I've missed you. There was something else I've wanted to write about but I can't remember now. Ya I'm still a lonely loser. I've always heard people say that love or w/e finds you when you least expect it/try for it, but ya know what? I've not given a fuck about finding anyone/being with anyone for over a year and know where its gotten me? Being lonely, miserable, and trying to escape from life as much as I can through whatever means possible. Whatever though, I've kind of just accepted the fact that I'll be alone my entire life and I'm getting a head start on dealing with it I guess. Wow thats sad ha. I'm such an emo loser. Someone find a girl for me ha.
This is like a fucking book right here. Man LJ entries make me emo. I can talk about my car that'll make me non emo. I put in a new grounding kit, rear shift bushing, and group N tranny mount this weekend and they feel pretty sweet. I also have prodrive springs, kyb struts, and group N tophats sitting in my basement waiting to be put on. I was gonna do it myself but after a weekend of swearing at my car just putting on that other shit I thought better of it. Damn new england cars fucking rust buckets. Mmm thinking of the car definatly makes me feel better. If only I had i big fat joint to smoke...wait, must not think of weed! haha. Wow, I sure made up for not posting in here for a long ass time huh?