fuck isabel.
so tonight was supposed to be a GREAT night, 1st of all because we were going to go to a wedding with belinda, since she came down, and we wanted to spend the wholeeeeeeeeeeee weekend with her because she only comes down once every 4 million years, and she just makes imperial soooooooooo much bettter, and second because someone that ive been wanting to hang out with for the LONGEST time everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr was gonna go with us, like i wanted this soooooo bad, i realllllllllly did, at the last minute i decided i didnt want to call him, even though he might have been ready and waiting for our call, i feel bad, but im stupid like that, so in the process of my stubbornessssss i hurt one of the few people in this world that wouldnt give up on me.
i left her house without even saying bye or thank you, i just left because im so selfish and i ruined the night, not only the night but maybe even the friendship, well i wouldnt consider it friendship in my part, inside i reallllllllllllllly care, i just CANT show it, i cant...before i can start treating others the right way i need to be okay with myself, i need to save myself from myself, im a total messs, i need fixing up and i dont know how i let it get this far, little by little it just gets worse, and its going to continue getting worse...i just came home threw myself in my moms bed aand cried my eyes out and i couldnt handle it, i couldnt breathe, i couldnt contain everything i had inside, and theres just one thing that has me like this, it controls my every move, every decision i make, its taking over my life, something ive never told anyone, something than not everyoone can relate to, you really have no ideaa...i hurt her once, and i keep on hurting her again, i dont know how she can be my friend anymore, the saddest thing is i cant promise anything, im sorry to say that you cant count on me because i cant even count on myself, im such a fucked up human being. i hurt a lot right now in so many different ways, i hurt because i hurt my bestfriend, i hurt because i cant control myself, i hurt because im so fucked up in every way, it sounds so selfish to say this but i rather not be here right now, i rather not exist, i feel like a little child that is lost and cant find her way home, i dont know how to fix this, i dont know how to fix myself, i wanna go to the beginning and fix everything, fix my mistakes, not only to one person to everyone, i just realized i hurt so many people before, i hurt my mom, i always made her cry, friends, ex boyfriendss when all they did was care for me and i didnt even see it, everything i am right now i build myself, and all it is, a piece of fuckin shit., a lot of people are gonna be like wtf, all crazy, well fuck it, this isnt to get atttention, this is true feelings right here, everything im feeling and im gonna say because i need to let it out gosh i wish this didnt hurt so much, i wish i didnt miss so many things, i wanna feel safe when im around myself alone at home.
i need him like i need this air that i fuckin breathe.
i left her house without even saying bye or thank you, i just left because im so selfish and i ruined the night, not only the night but maybe even the friendship, well i wouldnt consider it friendship in my part, inside i reallllllllllllllly care, i just CANT show it, i cant...before i can start treating others the right way i need to be okay with myself, i need to save myself from myself, im a total messs, i need fixing up and i dont know how i let it get this far, little by little it just gets worse, and its going to continue getting worse...i just came home threw myself in my moms bed aand cried my eyes out and i couldnt handle it, i couldnt breathe, i couldnt contain everything i had inside, and theres just one thing that has me like this, it controls my every move, every decision i make, its taking over my life, something ive never told anyone, something than not everyoone can relate to, you really have no ideaa...i hurt her once, and i keep on hurting her again, i dont know how she can be my friend anymore, the saddest thing is i cant promise anything, im sorry to say that you cant count on me because i cant even count on myself, im such a fucked up human being. i hurt a lot right now in so many different ways, i hurt because i hurt my bestfriend, i hurt because i cant control myself, i hurt because im so fucked up in every way, it sounds so selfish to say this but i rather not be here right now, i rather not exist, i feel like a little child that is lost and cant find her way home, i dont know how to fix this, i dont know how to fix myself, i wanna go to the beginning and fix everything, fix my mistakes, not only to one person to everyone, i just realized i hurt so many people before, i hurt my mom, i always made her cry, friends, ex boyfriendss when all they did was care for me and i didnt even see it, everything i am right now i build myself, and all it is, a piece of fuckin shit., a lot of people are gonna be like wtf, all crazy, well fuck it, this isnt to get atttention, this is true feelings right here, everything im feeling and im gonna say because i need to let it out gosh i wish this didnt hurt so much, i wish i didnt miss so many things, i wanna feel safe when im around myself alone at home.
i need him like i need this air that i fuckin breathe.