this hurrrrts

[insanlyinlove]

i feel like i want the world to just eat me alive right now.
for everyone that is happy right now, be soooooo happy and dont let anything bring you down.
i envy you people that are happy because you have what i cant feel and havent felt for years and thats happiness.
that light that was lit up inside of me is now turned off and i cant find the switch to turn it on again.
maybe i shouldnt look for it, maybe it'll turn on by itself one day.
if its not one thing its another, and i hurt.
ive just learned to pretend that nothing bothers me, but fuck it kills me inside, i go out of my way to go and fix this mess up but at the end of the day its just back where i started.
my room is a reflection of myself, its like i cant keep anything together and organized, maybe for a few days but it always ends up the same way it was.
and thats a mess, im a mess.
i wanna feel alive, i dont want to feel so dead inside, everything i do just makes it worse when i think its gonna help me forgot or help fix things.
it just makes matters 10 times worse.
its not good, for a person so young to feel so empty and so worthless.
help me.
please