Letter to the Editor
What follows is the text, in full, of a letter I'm sending to the editor of our Daily Campus newspaper. I really hope it makes it to print.
I'd just like to take a moment to examine an article printed recently in the Daily Campus, written by a Tim Detweiler from Kent State. The article is entitled "America will divide if homosexuals wed," and is a riveting and informative commentary on why Tim Detweiler should not write commentaries. Let's begin with his introduction.
Mr. Detweiler writes: "According to Dictionary.com, marriage is defined as 'the legal union of a man and a woman as husband as wife.'" This is true. We are all slaves to the Dictionary Overlord and we must never take light of the all-knowing and definitive laws it contains by which we live out our meager existences. Doubly so because it is online.
Following this, Mr. Detweiler produces a quote from the Bible and states his position as a humble man passing on the word of God. This should be taken into serious consideration, because in a Theocracy like ours, Mr. Detweiler has every right to impose his religious beliefs upon the entire country. Imagine if we had more than one religion in America, what kind of chaos would that be, eh? Eh? Am I right?
Mr. Detweiler then says, and this is one of my favorite passages, that we can see proof that gay marriage will bring the downfall of society by looking at Scandinavia. As Scandinavia is one of our brethren nations in its constitutional monarchy, it is easy to see the parallel. Mr. Detweiler gives us a figure which shows an increase in out-of-wedlock birth rates between 1990 and 2000. This, my friends, is why gay marriage must be prohibited. All those gay couples are going to jack up our birth rates, wait and see.
Mr. Detweiler also states that if gay marriage is allowed, marriage will no longer be a lifelong commitment and will instead become a partnership two people enter for extended benefits. I agree, we must leave marriage in the hands of the straight couples so that there will never be divorce. Gay couples never marry for love and straight couples never marry to claim co-dependents on tax day.
After this jarring argument, Mr. Detweiler addresses the topic of abortion (remember, gays make wedlock babies!) and how giving women control over their bodies has degraded our society. He says that "...the same thing will happen with same-sex marriage." Meaning, of course, that if gays are allowed to marry, well, then polygamists will want to marry too. It's such an obvious conclusion that I can't believe Mr. Detweiler was the first to find it. By allowing two men or two women to marry, we will have no choice but to make polygamy legal, and where would that leave us?
Finally, Mr. Detweiler gives us another poignant quote from the Bible, and makes his claim that gay marriage will divide America. We cannot have this. What with our one political party, one religion, one ethnicity and one flavor of ice cream, we cannot do with anything that would cause us to form differing opinions, because "...a divided America will fall." Words to live by, Mr. Detweiler. Words to live by.
-Matt Bentley
I'd just like to take a moment to examine an article printed recently in the Daily Campus, written by a Tim Detweiler from Kent State. The article is entitled "America will divide if homosexuals wed," and is a riveting and informative commentary on why Tim Detweiler should not write commentaries. Let's begin with his introduction.
Mr. Detweiler writes: "According to Dictionary.com, marriage is defined as 'the legal union of a man and a woman as husband as wife.'" This is true. We are all slaves to the Dictionary Overlord and we must never take light of the all-knowing and definitive laws it contains by which we live out our meager existences. Doubly so because it is online.
Following this, Mr. Detweiler produces a quote from the Bible and states his position as a humble man passing on the word of God. This should be taken into serious consideration, because in a Theocracy like ours, Mr. Detweiler has every right to impose his religious beliefs upon the entire country. Imagine if we had more than one religion in America, what kind of chaos would that be, eh? Eh? Am I right?
Mr. Detweiler then says, and this is one of my favorite passages, that we can see proof that gay marriage will bring the downfall of society by looking at Scandinavia. As Scandinavia is one of our brethren nations in its constitutional monarchy, it is easy to see the parallel. Mr. Detweiler gives us a figure which shows an increase in out-of-wedlock birth rates between 1990 and 2000. This, my friends, is why gay marriage must be prohibited. All those gay couples are going to jack up our birth rates, wait and see.
Mr. Detweiler also states that if gay marriage is allowed, marriage will no longer be a lifelong commitment and will instead become a partnership two people enter for extended benefits. I agree, we must leave marriage in the hands of the straight couples so that there will never be divorce. Gay couples never marry for love and straight couples never marry to claim co-dependents on tax day.
After this jarring argument, Mr. Detweiler addresses the topic of abortion (remember, gays make wedlock babies!) and how giving women control over their bodies has degraded our society. He says that "...the same thing will happen with same-sex marriage." Meaning, of course, that if gays are allowed to marry, well, then polygamists will want to marry too. It's such an obvious conclusion that I can't believe Mr. Detweiler was the first to find it. By allowing two men or two women to marry, we will have no choice but to make polygamy legal, and where would that leave us?
Finally, Mr. Detweiler gives us another poignant quote from the Bible, and makes his claim that gay marriage will divide America. We cannot have this. What with our one political party, one religion, one ethnicity and one flavor of ice cream, we cannot do with anything that would cause us to form differing opinions, because "...a divided America will fall." Words to live by, Mr. Detweiler. Words to live by.
-Matt Bentley