I'll Give You The World [Re-Post]
Title: I’ll Give You The World
Author: xrosepetalsx insanityplays
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kihae (Kibum/Donghae)
Characters: Kibum
Summary: Kibum is willing to give up the world for Donghae, to disgrace himself until he’s thrown out of Korea if it means they can both be together, following their dreams.
Disclaimer: I do not own.
Warning: Angst
100 Super Junior Fics Challenge: 068. Degradation, Kibum/Kibum
It’s on one of his rare days off that Kibum remembers who he used to be, what he’s a part of, of the family he’s seemingly abandoned. It’s on one of the days he’s allowed to do nothing but squander his time around that he thinks about the people he calls when he has time, the person he loves more then life itself, and of the life he’s chosen to live because he wasn’t willing to give up his dream.
He tells the press, the fans, and his friends that his activities, his movies, his dramas, are all a part of Super Junior’s activities, that he hasn’t really left them.
But is it really true? Or does he lie even to himself?
Shaking his head and burying his face in his hands, he thinks back to that day years ago that he told Donghae what his dream was, wishing he’d kept his mouth shut like he’d planned to.
--
“What is your dream Kibummie? If you don’t want to sing, if you don’t want to dance, what is it that you do want to do? All of us have a story, a reason behind practically selling ourselves to SM…so what’s yours? It’s the only one I haven’t heard so far, and the one most important to me,” Donghae asks quietly, taking Kibum’s hand in his own.
His eyes, usually full of playfulness and a never ending childish happiness, seem subdued when Kibum peaks out at his face from beneath the fringe of his bangs, and Kibum doesn’t have to wonder why.
Somehow, he thinks, Donghae knows…he knows that my dream is going to be what tears us apart…not the industry, not the Korean Government…but me.
Shaking his head and trying to put on a brave smile, Kibum leans forward to peck Donghae on the lips, pulling him back down in bed and holding him close to his chest, but Donghae struggles. Unlike his eyes, he will not be subdued.
“You’ll have to tell me one day, you know,” he says gravely and in such a fashion that Kibum wonders who this person in his arms is. It’s not Donghae, Donghae is not grave. Donghae is light and buoyant, and the one Kibum loves the most. He’s the one that makes Kibum’s whole world glow.
“Please Kibum…stop hiding yourself from me.” Donghae says quietly, and the truth of those word’s cut deep. Kibum doesn’t tell Donghae things. He listens, he comforts, he loves the only way he knows how. Quietly.
Without baring his soul the way Donghae bares his own.
He wonders if Donghae finds this unfair, wonders if Donghae has finally realized that Kibum doesn’t deserve him, and immediately tenses up.
Donghae cringes, squeezing the hand he still has in his own, and sighs, curling back up against his chest. Despite this sign of defeat, Kibum opens his mouth anyway.
“I want to be an actor.” And with his hands, Kibum beings to shape the world he wants to live in, explaining in detail his hopes and dreams, every feeling each things creates, baring his soul to Donghae like he’s always been afraid to do.
“But I can’t, because it will tear me away from you guys. Because SM won’t let me.”
A few months later, when Kibum begins his work in dramas and movies and anything else he can get his hands on, he overhears Donghae talking about his extended contract, and realizes with a pang what Donghae did to get him his freedom.
--
Maybe, if he’d never told Donghae that he didn’t want to sing and dance his life away like the rest of them, they’d still be together. He wouldn’t be ripped from the others side when ever he was given a script to learn, a character to portray, a new life to live.
But it’s too late for that now. He’s already told Donghae, Donghae has already won him his freedom. Closing his eyes, Kibum wishes there was someway he could pay Donghae back. He wishes he could return every single tear he’d made the other shed, wishes he could find every shard of the others broken heart and piece it back together for him.
Kibum knows…oh how he knows what he does to the other, and yet every time he tries to tell Donghae “this is the last time, no more scripts,” Donghae only shakes his head with anger laced into all of his features.
“You can’t just give up on your dream Kibum.” Kibum closes his eyes and nods his head, silently adding on the “Especially not after all I did for you to give you that dream.”
It isn’t only Donghae that Kibum misses though. He misses all the boys, misses having a crowed dorm room that he shares with them all. He misses the days spent resting quietly in his room when someone bursts in and pops his bubble of peacefulness, destroying any idea of repose and instead filling the time with stupid, childish games that only tire them further.
They’re always worth it.
But he wonders, is any of this worth it?
Then there are those fans who ask him on the sly, “Do you ever regret leaving Super Junior?” and Kibum’s only thought is to rip them to pieces, because who in their right mind could ever think Kibum could leave the boys?
He might not be seen with them, he might not get endless moments with them like he used to, but he still loves them, calls them, speaks with them and misses them.
The fans don’t know him if they honestly believe he could leave his best friends, his family.
Closing his eyes, Kibum tries to find solace in the land of sleep. It he can’t visit his friends, his lover, on his one day off, then maybe he can sleep and pretend the day off never occurred.
He dreams of giving up everything for Donghae. He dreams of degrading himself in the publics eyes, letting them scorn both himself and Donghae and throw them out of Korea if it means they can be together.
He dreams of telling Donghae they can both do what they want back in America, where they no longer have to hide or be held back by biting contracts that suffocate them and keep them from expanding their dreams.
--
“In America, we can be free,” he whispers into the crook of Donghae’s neck. “We can both be everything we ever wanted to be, and fly unbound like the eagles in the sky. No one will hold us back. You can swim in the ocean whenever you feel like it, have enough money to buy a house right on the shore, and we can be together without having to hide from the world.” He feels Donghae’s pulse speed up under his lips, and kisses it softly.
“I can give you the world, and no one will think twice of it.”
--
Author: xrosepetalsx insanityplays
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kihae (Kibum/Donghae)
Characters: Kibum
Summary: Kibum is willing to give up the world for Donghae, to disgrace himself until he’s thrown out of Korea if it means they can both be together, following their dreams.
Disclaimer: I do not own.
Warning: Angst
100 Super Junior Fics Challenge: 068. Degradation, Kibum/Kibum
It’s on one of his rare days off that Kibum remembers who he used to be, what he’s a part of, of the family he’s seemingly abandoned. It’s on one of the days he’s allowed to do nothing but squander his time around that he thinks about the people he calls when he has time, the person he loves more then life itself, and of the life he’s chosen to live because he wasn’t willing to give up his dream.
He tells the press, the fans, and his friends that his activities, his movies, his dramas, are all a part of Super Junior’s activities, that he hasn’t really left them.
But is it really true? Or does he lie even to himself?
Shaking his head and burying his face in his hands, he thinks back to that day years ago that he told Donghae what his dream was, wishing he’d kept his mouth shut like he’d planned to.
--
“What is your dream Kibummie? If you don’t want to sing, if you don’t want to dance, what is it that you do want to do? All of us have a story, a reason behind practically selling ourselves to SM…so what’s yours? It’s the only one I haven’t heard so far, and the one most important to me,” Donghae asks quietly, taking Kibum’s hand in his own.
His eyes, usually full of playfulness and a never ending childish happiness, seem subdued when Kibum peaks out at his face from beneath the fringe of his bangs, and Kibum doesn’t have to wonder why.
Somehow, he thinks, Donghae knows…he knows that my dream is going to be what tears us apart…not the industry, not the Korean Government…but me.
Shaking his head and trying to put on a brave smile, Kibum leans forward to peck Donghae on the lips, pulling him back down in bed and holding him close to his chest, but Donghae struggles. Unlike his eyes, he will not be subdued.
“You’ll have to tell me one day, you know,” he says gravely and in such a fashion that Kibum wonders who this person in his arms is. It’s not Donghae, Donghae is not grave. Donghae is light and buoyant, and the one Kibum loves the most. He’s the one that makes Kibum’s whole world glow.
“Please Kibum…stop hiding yourself from me.” Donghae says quietly, and the truth of those word’s cut deep. Kibum doesn’t tell Donghae things. He listens, he comforts, he loves the only way he knows how. Quietly.
Without baring his soul the way Donghae bares his own.
He wonders if Donghae finds this unfair, wonders if Donghae has finally realized that Kibum doesn’t deserve him, and immediately tenses up.
Donghae cringes, squeezing the hand he still has in his own, and sighs, curling back up against his chest. Despite this sign of defeat, Kibum opens his mouth anyway.
“I want to be an actor.” And with his hands, Kibum beings to shape the world he wants to live in, explaining in detail his hopes and dreams, every feeling each things creates, baring his soul to Donghae like he’s always been afraid to do.
“But I can’t, because it will tear me away from you guys. Because SM won’t let me.”
A few months later, when Kibum begins his work in dramas and movies and anything else he can get his hands on, he overhears Donghae talking about his extended contract, and realizes with a pang what Donghae did to get him his freedom.
--
Maybe, if he’d never told Donghae that he didn’t want to sing and dance his life away like the rest of them, they’d still be together. He wouldn’t be ripped from the others side when ever he was given a script to learn, a character to portray, a new life to live.
But it’s too late for that now. He’s already told Donghae, Donghae has already won him his freedom. Closing his eyes, Kibum wishes there was someway he could pay Donghae back. He wishes he could return every single tear he’d made the other shed, wishes he could find every shard of the others broken heart and piece it back together for him.
Kibum knows…oh how he knows what he does to the other, and yet every time he tries to tell Donghae “this is the last time, no more scripts,” Donghae only shakes his head with anger laced into all of his features.
“You can’t just give up on your dream Kibum.” Kibum closes his eyes and nods his head, silently adding on the “Especially not after all I did for you to give you that dream.”
It isn’t only Donghae that Kibum misses though. He misses all the boys, misses having a crowed dorm room that he shares with them all. He misses the days spent resting quietly in his room when someone bursts in and pops his bubble of peacefulness, destroying any idea of repose and instead filling the time with stupid, childish games that only tire them further.
They’re always worth it.
But he wonders, is any of this worth it?
Then there are those fans who ask him on the sly, “Do you ever regret leaving Super Junior?” and Kibum’s only thought is to rip them to pieces, because who in their right mind could ever think Kibum could leave the boys?
He might not be seen with them, he might not get endless moments with them like he used to, but he still loves them, calls them, speaks with them and misses them.
The fans don’t know him if they honestly believe he could leave his best friends, his family.
Closing his eyes, Kibum tries to find solace in the land of sleep. It he can’t visit his friends, his lover, on his one day off, then maybe he can sleep and pretend the day off never occurred.
He dreams of giving up everything for Donghae. He dreams of degrading himself in the publics eyes, letting them scorn both himself and Donghae and throw them out of Korea if it means they can be together.
He dreams of telling Donghae they can both do what they want back in America, where they no longer have to hide or be held back by biting contracts that suffocate them and keep them from expanding their dreams.
--
“In America, we can be free,” he whispers into the crook of Donghae’s neck. “We can both be everything we ever wanted to be, and fly unbound like the eagles in the sky. No one will hold us back. You can swim in the ocean whenever you feel like it, have enough money to buy a house right on the shore, and we can be together without having to hide from the world.” He feels Donghae’s pulse speed up under his lips, and kisses it softly.
“I can give you the world, and no one will think twice of it.”
--