le sigh
le sigh... =/
on the one hand, I'm kind of getting an ounce of perspective about certain things that take me to great lows whenever I think of them, things that I can't change, but that torture me nonetheless. or at least, I think I am getting some perspective. but a week or two from now I may be back in full insecurity and self-loathing mode, and who knows? I don't seem to do well at getting over things. I just have a few days where I feel no emotion at the thought, and I think I'm alright, but then I completely crash sometime in the future and it reminds me that no, I am still not going to just be ok with things the way normal folk are. wow, that was emo. what I was trying to say is that right now I'm mostly thinking like a rational human being about some of my most upsetting bits of ponderance.
on the other hand...I doubt myself. and I doubt other people with reference to how they relate to me. and the worry sucks. a possibility, for me, is nearly indiscernable from certainty of its occurance. and it really, really sucks, having to live with all those worries.
and on the third hand [which I had surgically implanted in order to help me with holding garbage bags open] I must point out that sara made a funny today. "I am better than this keychain in the fact that...I can play with it. and it cannot play with itself." it was said so matter-of-factly, it was truly humorous, I must say.
oh yes, and today was my last day of work. thank god.
that is all.
on the one hand, I'm kind of getting an ounce of perspective about certain things that take me to great lows whenever I think of them, things that I can't change, but that torture me nonetheless. or at least, I think I am getting some perspective. but a week or two from now I may be back in full insecurity and self-loathing mode, and who knows? I don't seem to do well at getting over things. I just have a few days where I feel no emotion at the thought, and I think I'm alright, but then I completely crash sometime in the future and it reminds me that no, I am still not going to just be ok with things the way normal folk are. wow, that was emo. what I was trying to say is that right now I'm mostly thinking like a rational human being about some of my most upsetting bits of ponderance.
on the other hand...I doubt myself. and I doubt other people with reference to how they relate to me. and the worry sucks. a possibility, for me, is nearly indiscernable from certainty of its occurance. and it really, really sucks, having to live with all those worries.
and on the third hand [which I had surgically implanted in order to help me with holding garbage bags open] I must point out that sara made a funny today. "I am better than this keychain in the fact that...I can play with it. and it cannot play with itself." it was said so matter-of-factly, it was truly humorous, I must say.
oh yes, and today was my last day of work. thank god.
that is all.