(no subject)
I write myself notes on my electronic notepads (on my desktop, phone, and ipod) when I'm out and about, or when I don't have access to the internet, blah blah blah, and in my efforts to try and just clean stuff out, I figured I'll just write them in here.
So, my quotes verbatim, and I guess some follow up thoughts on them:
"miles makes me feel like home, but erik is home. When I'm with Erik he knows me better than I know myself, and I know him better than he knows himself, and there's that. But with Miles, I know myself better than when I'm with anyone else."
- First of all, all of this needs to be past tense, since none of them are really in my life anymore, and not in that way. I also don't know where Jacob fits into all the words, but what I know now is that I don't want anyone besides Jacob, no matter how they made me feel. Jacob is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me, and it may have taken me a while, but I fell in love with the kid. And just because we've been so fantastic lately, I want to take this opportunity to gush a bit about him. He may not be perfect, and our relationship may not always be perfect, but he is perfect for me. If I had to put us on a scale of 1 to 10, I'm naturally at a 10, and he's naturally at a 1. When we're on our own. But when you put us together, I think we both bring each other up/down to a nice even 5. He grounds me. Which reminds me--
My mom actually told me a story about me and Jacob that I hadn't even really noticed while it was happening, but after she told it to me, I realized I wanted to always remember it. One weekend while Jacob and myself were visiting Rochester I was trying to use this free airline voucher that ended up being a total sham, and was getting really frustrated. Jacob had been in the living room watching some kind of sports thing, and I was in the kitchen with my mom and sister on the phone with the airline company, getting uber frustrated and upset. And when I get frustrated and upset, on that scale of 1 to 10, I am cranked to a 15. A very loud, vocal, aggravated, hyper 15. Then Jacob, probably hearing me getting more and more frustrated (which is what I didn't realize at the time), came into the kitchen, stood behind me, wrapped his arms around me, nuzzled my neck and just held me for a minute. As my mom put it, "You totally quieted down and relaxed. For the next 10 minutes or so, you were TOTALLY MELLOW! IT was shocking. I was like, wow, he sure knows how to calm her down."
Thinking about that makes me smile, and when my mom said that it hit me how much he brings me back down to earth, and how much of a good thing that is. I love that kid, but especially for that.
Some more random scribbles:
"Don't ever back down from a little bit of public humiliation. A good amount of humility never hurt anyone. After shying away from putting myself out in the open and staying in the lines most of my life, I've come to find that being able to look a perfect stranger in the eye, and know that they're thinking you're insane is way more worthwhile if it was on purpose. Self awareness is key. Own it"
"Lead by example. You will never hold any credibility if you don't follow your own advice."
"Be precise and purposeful in what you do, but realize that if someone can describe your actions as calculated, you're doing something wrong."
That's all. :)
So, my quotes verbatim, and I guess some follow up thoughts on them:
"miles makes me feel like home, but erik is home. When I'm with Erik he knows me better than I know myself, and I know him better than he knows himself, and there's that. But with Miles, I know myself better than when I'm with anyone else."
- First of all, all of this needs to be past tense, since none of them are really in my life anymore, and not in that way. I also don't know where Jacob fits into all the words, but what I know now is that I don't want anyone besides Jacob, no matter how they made me feel. Jacob is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me, and it may have taken me a while, but I fell in love with the kid. And just because we've been so fantastic lately, I want to take this opportunity to gush a bit about him. He may not be perfect, and our relationship may not always be perfect, but he is perfect for me. If I had to put us on a scale of 1 to 10, I'm naturally at a 10, and he's naturally at a 1. When we're on our own. But when you put us together, I think we both bring each other up/down to a nice even 5. He grounds me. Which reminds me--
My mom actually told me a story about me and Jacob that I hadn't even really noticed while it was happening, but after she told it to me, I realized I wanted to always remember it. One weekend while Jacob and myself were visiting Rochester I was trying to use this free airline voucher that ended up being a total sham, and was getting really frustrated. Jacob had been in the living room watching some kind of sports thing, and I was in the kitchen with my mom and sister on the phone with the airline company, getting uber frustrated and upset. And when I get frustrated and upset, on that scale of 1 to 10, I am cranked to a 15. A very loud, vocal, aggravated, hyper 15. Then Jacob, probably hearing me getting more and more frustrated (which is what I didn't realize at the time), came into the kitchen, stood behind me, wrapped his arms around me, nuzzled my neck and just held me for a minute. As my mom put it, "You totally quieted down and relaxed. For the next 10 minutes or so, you were TOTALLY MELLOW! IT was shocking. I was like, wow, he sure knows how to calm her down."
Thinking about that makes me smile, and when my mom said that it hit me how much he brings me back down to earth, and how much of a good thing that is. I love that kid, but especially for that.
Some more random scribbles:
"Don't ever back down from a little bit of public humiliation. A good amount of humility never hurt anyone. After shying away from putting myself out in the open and staying in the lines most of my life, I've come to find that being able to look a perfect stranger in the eye, and know that they're thinking you're insane is way more worthwhile if it was on purpose. Self awareness is key. Own it"
"Lead by example. You will never hold any credibility if you don't follow your own advice."
"Be precise and purposeful in what you do, but realize that if someone can describe your actions as calculated, you're doing something wrong."
That's all. :)