Let's MST: Starfox 6664
It's that time again! Time to MST more crappypastas! :D This time, we'll be looking at "Starfox 6664", a pasta so over-the-top that after it was featured on Bullshit Creepypasta Storytime, it was moved to the Trollpasta wiki. Boy, this should be fun! :D
It was an average July morring.
*singing* OUT ON THE WILY, WINDY MOORS, WE'D ROLL AND FALL IN GREEEEEEEEN~
It was the twenty-third, at 8:24 in fact.
AM or PM?
I opened the doorbell to find that it was my buddy old pal, Kyle. I noticed that it was unusally early for any of my buds to come over, so, I awaswered the door, and it was my friend, Kyle. I noticed that Kyle looked awfully tired today.
Kyle? As in, the guy from Sonic.EXE? Makes me wonder if it's a prequel. But if it's a prequel... why the hell would Kyle be dumb enough to play another cursed romhack?
He was reaching out his hand, and it held a Fox-like flash drive in it.
As opposed to Opera or Chrome.
Kyle said nothing. His face was like Romani on Majora's Mask if you did not succeed on dostroying the aleeans. Bare and dull.
Was there cow abduction? :D
So I just took the flash drive and shut the door. Now in my room, I noticed something particular. The Fox-like flash drive had sunglasses, as if someone, or, should I say, something, drew on the drive with a black Sharpie marker when I wasn't looking. How it got there, you ask, I don't know to this very day.
It belongs to the Strider family. Or it might be the Autoresponder.
I was studying the flash drive and I noticed the letters "SF64." I assumed there was a rom of Starfox 64 on it, and to my surprise, there was a rom on there.
Way to be presumptuous. It could be a rom of San Francisco Rush or San Francisco Rush 2049. Or Shining Force.
As you all know, I'm a huge Starfox fan. I was such a big fan, I had to play it.
I'm imagining creepypasta celebrities like Slenderman, Jeff the Killer or BEN dangling a Star Fox cartridge at the end of a fishing hook and snickering at all the fanboys who take the bait. 'Cause they just had to play that creepy-looking cartridge simply because it's got Fox's face on it.
So I turned it on, and when the title screen came up, I noticed that Fox had blood dripping from his hands, and the title was a little different from my memory.
Fox: Whew! The Great Fox had been invaded by a Xenomorph alien. Don't worry, it's been taken care of now!
It said "STARFOX 6664", and I was flabbergasted by what I saw. But I said to myself "Hey! It's a glitch! Happens all the time!"
OH GOD HIS HANDS ARE BLEEDING AND IT SAYS 666!!!!111!!11 ...Nah, just a glitch.
I pressed start, and immediately saw General Peppy telling me "Fox, it's a trap!" but as if it was speaking to me, not Fox.
Dang. Is this an alternate universe where Peppy Hare is the general?
But I started the game anyhow, and suddenly, it started all on it's own. I was speechless. The screen went to black for approximately 24.2 seconds.
General Pepper: Pilot the EVA, Fox.
Fox: No.
General Pepper: Pilot the EVA!
Fox: Nooooooooooooo!
The game was working fine, until a few days later when I was playing my favorite level in the game, Aquas. Then out of nowhere, at the same time, Peppy, Slippy, and Falco vanished, and the water turned red.
Eh? I thought people didn't like Aquas. We're allergic to water levels, you know.
My submarine went slower, and slower, as I aproached a black figure. It reminded me of Fox himself, but, when I got closer, it turned to Fox's submarine and said "You're in my game now!"
I'm imagining this being said in Fox's hammy voice and it amuses me.
I was so shocked, I screeched, and knocked my Sunny D beverage all over the Nintendo 64. As I went to see if it was OK, red smoke came out of the system, and formed the shape of a skull.
Arrrrrrr! Your N64 is a pirate. Also, turn the fan on or you'll set off the smoke alarm.
I ran over to my friend Kyle's house. But his mom said that he had been camping with his dad the whole summer. I went back to my house and wondered. Who was that who knocked on my door the other morning?
Remember in Sonic.EXE when you said that you haven't seen Kyle for two weeks, Tom? This is why. God, you're such a shitty friend.
To my luck, though, the system was working fine. I just had to keep playing.
This just in: Tom is a masochist.
When I started the game, it took my straight to the scene where you defeat Andross, and Fox's dead father was leading you out.
Dude, Mr. Starfox Fan. He's got a name: James McCloud.
But Fox's dead father was misleading me, he took me in the wrong direction. He kept saying "BE MINE" in red text, until he finally crashed. It was an instant game over, but, I saw that I had 9 lives.
Aww, he wants to be your Valentine!
The screen went to black for abour 34 seconds, then a scoreboard came up, as if I had been successful in the previous level, but to my surprise, the score was 6664 in bold red text.
I wonder if it's because it's called Starfox 6664. You got short-term memory loss, Tom?
Then, the screen faded to black for another 34 seconds. This frightened me to the point where I did not want to continue. But I persisted. I reset the N64, and started the game.
Yep. Short-term memory loss. But even Dory would freak out and leave the game alone, so really, you've got no excuse.
When I was at the title screen, it was black it the background. Each character looked as though they were crying red tears, likely to be "blood."
Really? I thought they were crying tomato juice.
I pressed start, but General Pepper, was just staring at me.
It's Hypno-toad! Wait, that's supposed to be Slippy's job.
After about 25 seconds, he started to scream. Goosebumps raced down my spine. I could feel them now as I was typing that very moment. After that horrid screaming, it went silent, and he said "I warned you."
Thanks for giving me the image of General Pepper flailing like Kermit on the Muppet Show.
To this very day, I regret not listening to him, as the screen started to fade. I could hear Fox weeping in the background. I was scared for him, scared for me, but I continued to proceed anyhow.
Ignored Epiphany much?
The music from Venom was playing, slowly. It worried me. I played through mostly that entire game, with only that one song playing. No voices. No nothing. But other than that, it was perfectily normal.
Tom: Man, Fortuna is boring without Star Wolf.
As I got to the end of my battle with Andross, I defeated him. Then, it was silent. Not even the music of Venom was playing.
I know what "silent" means, Tom. You're the dumb one, not me.
As I started to proceed out of the room I saw Fox's dad, James McCloud, just standing there, not even in an Arwing.
I'm going to assume he's at the corridors, 'cause Andross' room doesn't even have a floor.
Fox's ship just stopped in midair, levitating. Then, James McCload started to float up, not even moving a single muscle.
N64 polygons are perfectly capable of doing that, yes.
Then his eyes turned red, and started to leak HYPERREALISTIC BLOOD. The game turned off on it's own, and it never worked again after this.
Dude, you just ripped off One Hour Photo.
I now keep it hidden in my closet, on the second shelf pushed towards the left, next to all of my other games. I still have nightmares about those time with me and the game. I will never forget them.
Except he did. How else would Sonic.EXE happen?
THEN END.
Even "the end" screen is impatient. "Then end already! Gosh!"
This post has been crossposted with Dreamwidth at http://shamanicshaymin.dreamwidth.org/64432.html. Pick your poison. Mwoiiiiiiiing~!
It was an average July morring.
*singing* OUT ON THE WILY, WINDY MOORS, WE'D ROLL AND FALL IN GREEEEEEEEN~
It was the twenty-third, at 8:24 in fact.
AM or PM?
I opened the doorbell to find that it was my buddy old pal, Kyle. I noticed that it was unusally early for any of my buds to come over, so, I awaswered the door, and it was my friend, Kyle. I noticed that Kyle looked awfully tired today.
Kyle? As in, the guy from Sonic.EXE? Makes me wonder if it's a prequel. But if it's a prequel... why the hell would Kyle be dumb enough to play another cursed romhack?
He was reaching out his hand, and it held a Fox-like flash drive in it.
As opposed to Opera or Chrome.
Kyle said nothing. His face was like Romani on Majora's Mask if you did not succeed on dostroying the aleeans. Bare and dull.
Was there cow abduction? :D
So I just took the flash drive and shut the door. Now in my room, I noticed something particular. The Fox-like flash drive had sunglasses, as if someone, or, should I say, something, drew on the drive with a black Sharpie marker when I wasn't looking. How it got there, you ask, I don't know to this very day.
It belongs to the Strider family. Or it might be the Autoresponder.
I was studying the flash drive and I noticed the letters "SF64." I assumed there was a rom of Starfox 64 on it, and to my surprise, there was a rom on there.
Way to be presumptuous. It could be a rom of San Francisco Rush or San Francisco Rush 2049. Or Shining Force.
As you all know, I'm a huge Starfox fan. I was such a big fan, I had to play it.
I'm imagining creepypasta celebrities like Slenderman, Jeff the Killer or BEN dangling a Star Fox cartridge at the end of a fishing hook and snickering at all the fanboys who take the bait. 'Cause they just had to play that creepy-looking cartridge simply because it's got Fox's face on it.
So I turned it on, and when the title screen came up, I noticed that Fox had blood dripping from his hands, and the title was a little different from my memory.
Fox: Whew! The Great Fox had been invaded by a Xenomorph alien. Don't worry, it's been taken care of now!
It said "STARFOX 6664", and I was flabbergasted by what I saw. But I said to myself "Hey! It's a glitch! Happens all the time!"
OH GOD HIS HANDS ARE BLEEDING AND IT SAYS 666!!!!111!!11 ...Nah, just a glitch.
I pressed start, and immediately saw General Peppy telling me "Fox, it's a trap!" but as if it was speaking to me, not Fox.
Dang. Is this an alternate universe where Peppy Hare is the general?
But I started the game anyhow, and suddenly, it started all on it's own. I was speechless. The screen went to black for approximately 24.2 seconds.
General Pepper: Pilot the EVA, Fox.
Fox: No.
General Pepper: Pilot the EVA!
Fox: Nooooooooooooo!
The game was working fine, until a few days later when I was playing my favorite level in the game, Aquas. Then out of nowhere, at the same time, Peppy, Slippy, and Falco vanished, and the water turned red.
Eh? I thought people didn't like Aquas. We're allergic to water levels, you know.
My submarine went slower, and slower, as I aproached a black figure. It reminded me of Fox himself, but, when I got closer, it turned to Fox's submarine and said "You're in my game now!"
I'm imagining this being said in Fox's hammy voice and it amuses me.
I was so shocked, I screeched, and knocked my Sunny D beverage all over the Nintendo 64. As I went to see if it was OK, red smoke came out of the system, and formed the shape of a skull.
Arrrrrrr! Your N64 is a pirate. Also, turn the fan on or you'll set off the smoke alarm.
I ran over to my friend Kyle's house. But his mom said that he had been camping with his dad the whole summer. I went back to my house and wondered. Who was that who knocked on my door the other morning?
Remember in Sonic.EXE when you said that you haven't seen Kyle for two weeks, Tom? This is why. God, you're such a shitty friend.
To my luck, though, the system was working fine. I just had to keep playing.
This just in: Tom is a masochist.
When I started the game, it took my straight to the scene where you defeat Andross, and Fox's dead father was leading you out.
Dude, Mr. Starfox Fan. He's got a name: James McCloud.
But Fox's dead father was misleading me, he took me in the wrong direction. He kept saying "BE MINE" in red text, until he finally crashed. It was an instant game over, but, I saw that I had 9 lives.
Aww, he wants to be your Valentine!
The screen went to black for abour 34 seconds, then a scoreboard came up, as if I had been successful in the previous level, but to my surprise, the score was 6664 in bold red text.
I wonder if it's because it's called Starfox 6664. You got short-term memory loss, Tom?
Then, the screen faded to black for another 34 seconds. This frightened me to the point where I did not want to continue. But I persisted. I reset the N64, and started the game.
Yep. Short-term memory loss. But even Dory would freak out and leave the game alone, so really, you've got no excuse.
When I was at the title screen, it was black it the background. Each character looked as though they were crying red tears, likely to be "blood."
Really? I thought they were crying tomato juice.
I pressed start, but General Pepper, was just staring at me.
It's Hypno-toad! Wait, that's supposed to be Slippy's job.
After about 25 seconds, he started to scream. Goosebumps raced down my spine. I could feel them now as I was typing that very moment. After that horrid screaming, it went silent, and he said "I warned you."
Thanks for giving me the image of General Pepper flailing like Kermit on the Muppet Show.
To this very day, I regret not listening to him, as the screen started to fade. I could hear Fox weeping in the background. I was scared for him, scared for me, but I continued to proceed anyhow.
Ignored Epiphany much?
The music from Venom was playing, slowly. It worried me. I played through mostly that entire game, with only that one song playing. No voices. No nothing. But other than that, it was perfectily normal.
Tom: Man, Fortuna is boring without Star Wolf.
As I got to the end of my battle with Andross, I defeated him. Then, it was silent. Not even the music of Venom was playing.
I know what "silent" means, Tom. You're the dumb one, not me.
As I started to proceed out of the room I saw Fox's dad, James McCloud, just standing there, not even in an Arwing.
I'm going to assume he's at the corridors, 'cause Andross' room doesn't even have a floor.
Fox's ship just stopped in midair, levitating. Then, James McCload started to float up, not even moving a single muscle.
N64 polygons are perfectly capable of doing that, yes.
Then his eyes turned red, and started to leak HYPERREALISTIC BLOOD. The game turned off on it's own, and it never worked again after this.
Dude, you just ripped off One Hour Photo.
I now keep it hidden in my closet, on the second shelf pushed towards the left, next to all of my other games. I still have nightmares about those time with me and the game. I will never forget them.
Except he did. How else would Sonic.EXE happen?
THEN END.
Even "the end" screen is impatient. "Then end already! Gosh!"
This post has been crossposted with Dreamwidth at http://shamanicshaymin.dreamwidth.org/64432.html. Pick your poison. Mwoiiiiiiiing~!