You've got nowhere to go but up
I've been hearing about this book called Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. Typically, I don't go out of my way to read most YA, especially with the rough subject matter it deals with, but since Privileged Parents wanted the book banned and some religious asshole called it "soft-core porn," (this article was how I first heard about Speak in the first place) naturally I felt compelled to read it. :p
What do you know! I kept forgetting the author's name, knew it ended with "Anderson," and I went to the library and bam! There it was. I picked it up, thinking I'd read the first chapter or so then go back to what I was originally gonna do (poke at my Long Ridge assignment) but nope. I ended up reading the entire friggin' thing, or at least I would've if the library didn't close and I hadn't left my library card at home. Right after the page of the so-called "porn" (seriously, w.t.fucking.f. I hope Scroggins gets his fucking balls burned off, and that'd be too kind) so... I was feeling quite distraught. I wanted something good to happen to Melinda, I wanted her to find happiness, I wanted her to speak, dammit. Which I think the entire book was her way of doing just that.
I never liked books about high school. I never related to them, never saw the appeal, and it baffles me the high school AU is so popular in fanfiction. (Write what you know indeed, it sure makes dull writing. But I digress...) I relate my high school experience with Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Mostly. It was dull, insipid, I was finished with it. (Unlike Ferris, of course, I didn't skip. :P) The kids were brainless morons off the suburbs from impoverished families who only cared about cutting class and reciting dumb rap lyrics and getting high, and the teachers who were good and genuinely cared for their students were being fired by the school administration because the schools weren't "living up to their potential" (which is true) and were forced to do nothing but "teach to the test" aka that stupid TAKS stuff we were forced to look at in Texas instead of oh, actual lessons.
No, it wasn't cliques or fitting in or even bullying that worried me. Because the kids at my school were brainless morons off the suburbs from impoverished families, no one really bothered me in high school, thank god. I was the Loner White Kid in a school of mostly Hispanics, and I was Weird and In My Own World which suited me fine. Nobody sat with me at lunch, which is just what I wanted. I'm not being sarcastic either; I truly wanted to be alone. Not something a lot of high school students can relate to, but considering the trouble I've gone through in middle school, a tedious peace for once over a few years is darn refreshing.
My worst years--aka all the bullying--were spent in middle school, aka the Hidden Circle of Hell. 9th grade, where Melinda Sordino spends her year--was the closest to it.
Like I said, I don't relate a lot to high school YA. I rolled my eyes at the "cliques" and inwardly groaned at the activities of "the Marthas" (which thankfully, Melinda did too. :P More on that in a bit), and there were several minor things in the beginning pages that bothered me ("ZOMG NO ONE LIKES YOU ANYMORE MELINDA", the potato & gravy accident, and the first encounter with Mr. Neck made me grind my teeth a little, which thankfully was written in a subtle manner) I was kinda "eh" to the teachers as well, since I feel like I've seen them before in a cliche-kinda way, but I suppose that's intentional. :P That said, I really like the writing style of the book. I love how experimental/journal-like/artistic it felt, with tidbits like her report cards, the screenplay-esque conversations between Melinda and her parents/teachers/peers, etc. I love the names she gives her teachers and principal (Mr. Neck, Hairwoman, Principal Principal). I especially love the "Me: "s. I thought that was an awesome touch. It fit what the book was going for, and holy fuck, that was effective.
Save for little bits like wanting to "fit in" (though from her perspective, it's understandable), I don't think I ever related to a high school YA protagonist so hard like I did with Melinda. You know, it's like that feeling I got with Esther Greenwood/Sylvia Plath while reading The Bell Jar: "Are you me?" Not as intense, but still. I found myself nodding and agreeing to almost everything Melinda said, and I loved her dark sense of humor and snickered along with her. ("If I ever form a clan, we'll be the anti-cheerleaders and walk under the bleacher forming mild acts of mayhem.")
And Melinda isn't always right, and it's acknowledged. Sometimes she's even called out for her gloominess. I loved that scene where David Petrakis Her Lab Partner explained to her why she got a D- (D+?) on her report about suffragists. It wasn't that Mr. Neck was out to get her (though it was unfair she had to go to detention) or that her presentation was horrible. It was because she argued, "The suffragists fought for the right for women to speak, so I have the right to remain silent!", which was entirely missing the point of what the suffragists were fighting centuries for. I thought, wow David. Wow book. You are fucking amazing. You deserve a high-five. Hell, all the scenes with David (like how he TOTALLY OWNED Mr. Neck's immigration-related bigotry) earned a Crowning Moment of Awesome. WE ARE BROS, BOOK. Or uh, sisters. WHICHEVER WORKS. Oh yeah, and I liked how Melinda and David were just friends. She considered maybe she might have feelings for him, which is normal, but it never went into the "ZOMG THEYRE GONNA FALL IN LURRRRRRVE" territory and it was so refreshing to see that in a high school YA book with a female protagonist. That's cool. 8)
The scenes with IT aka the Rapist probably had a bonus awkward/uncomfortable moment for me, because his name was... you guessed it. Andy. You know, it's such a good thing Andy's a common name (I'm sure Andy Warhol never got made fun of for sharing the name of a certain ragdoll. :P) and that he had a surname (Evans), or else I'd be having an aneurysm. My god, regarding my novel, this is what Raggedy Andy never wants to be with Marius. D: I was scared that Melinda wasn't gonna tell anyone about what happened until the final page, and that would've killed me. I'm all for open-ended endings, but not for something like that. Not in a novel called Speak. So the final confrontation between Melinda and IT in the old closet she made her escape place threw me for a loop and left me thinking... whoa. I was scared Melinda was never going to earn that moment of triumph, but she did. She told Andy to back off in the best way possible.
THIS HAS BEEN ANOTHER: CROWNING MOMENT OF FUCKING AWESOME! :DDDD
Did I mention I liked this book because it wasn't predictable? :o
Just... holy crap. This book. It was good.
That said, as quickly I read it, it also drained me in a different way. When I got halfway past the novel, especially at the end of third semester, I wanted Melinda to tell someone. I wanted her to heal. I wanted to see her readjust to life again. That's what kills me whenever people write about rape and related violence. It's about SUFFERING SUFFERING SUFFERING and I can't stand it. Of course they've suffered! Why can't they be given a chance to live? Why can't they be given a chance to recover? To acknowledge it happened, to move on? To me, the greatest catharsis comes from having experienced a trauma and triumphing over it by not letting it consume you anymore. I understand it's complicated... which is exactly why this triumph is magnificent. I want to see people grow, which was the idea behind the tree in Speak. I'm all for dragons laying waste to countrysides and peasants burning, but does it have to be hopeless, hopeless, hopeless? Gimme grief, but gimme a peasant brandishing a hammer and declare "NO. I'M NOT TAKING THIS ANYMORE." goddammit.
Balance it out. Rape by itself causes a great deal of pain. I don't want sunshine and rainbows. I want recovery.
That's what I love about Tori Amos's music. Yes, she was raped, and she wrote about it in her music. Alongside the horror and agony? Hope and a future. She wrote songs about the strength of the human spirit, the good and the bad. She wrote songs about standing up for yourself and expressing your individuality. She's seen the world in its beauty and ugliness and shared both. She wrote about coming out from a horrible past into a strange and foreign landscape and finding out you had a place in it after all. (See: "Pandora's Aquarium" and "Yes, Anastasia." We'll see how brave you are.) It has such a positive impact on me and it still does.
I don't know why I think so much about rape and sexual assault lately. Is it because I know people and friends who have been through this? Because no one wants to talk about it? Because it's misunderstood as sex and passion, and glorified in our prevalent rape culture?
Speaking of rape culture and the glut of YA paranormal "romances" full of abusive relationships. You know there was a "Speak" movie made in 2004? Guess who plays Melinda: Kristen Stewart.
Me:
This was several years before she was cast as Bella in Twilight. I can't help finding it ironic, because it puts the scene in Eclipse with Jacob kissing Bella without her consent in a whole new disturbing context. It does make me sad to think that she went from Speak to something... like that. D:
As powerful Speak is, I need to read something light. D: I'm feeling squeamish and sad and I want to read about happy things. So I'm going to continue my conversion into Homestuck. Waaaah.
What do you know! I kept forgetting the author's name, knew it ended with "Anderson," and I went to the library and bam! There it was. I picked it up, thinking I'd read the first chapter or so then go back to what I was originally gonna do (poke at my Long Ridge assignment) but nope. I ended up reading the entire friggin' thing, or at least I would've if the library didn't close and I hadn't left my library card at home. Right after the page of the so-called "porn" (seriously, w.t.fucking.f. I hope Scroggins gets his fucking balls burned off, and that'd be too kind) so... I was feeling quite distraught. I wanted something good to happen to Melinda, I wanted her to find happiness, I wanted her to speak, dammit. Which I think the entire book was her way of doing just that.
I never liked books about high school. I never related to them, never saw the appeal, and it baffles me the high school AU is so popular in fanfiction. (Write what you know indeed, it sure makes dull writing. But I digress...) I relate my high school experience with Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Mostly. It was dull, insipid, I was finished with it. (Unlike Ferris, of course, I didn't skip. :P) The kids were brainless morons off the suburbs from impoverished families who only cared about cutting class and reciting dumb rap lyrics and getting high, and the teachers who were good and genuinely cared for their students were being fired by the school administration because the schools weren't "living up to their potential" (which is true) and were forced to do nothing but "teach to the test" aka that stupid TAKS stuff we were forced to look at in Texas instead of oh, actual lessons.
No, it wasn't cliques or fitting in or even bullying that worried me. Because the kids at my school were brainless morons off the suburbs from impoverished families, no one really bothered me in high school, thank god. I was the Loner White Kid in a school of mostly Hispanics, and I was Weird and In My Own World which suited me fine. Nobody sat with me at lunch, which is just what I wanted. I'm not being sarcastic either; I truly wanted to be alone. Not something a lot of high school students can relate to, but considering the trouble I've gone through in middle school, a tedious peace for once over a few years is darn refreshing.
My worst years--aka all the bullying--were spent in middle school, aka the Hidden Circle of Hell. 9th grade, where Melinda Sordino spends her year--was the closest to it.
Like I said, I don't relate a lot to high school YA. I rolled my eyes at the "cliques" and inwardly groaned at the activities of "the Marthas" (which thankfully, Melinda did too. :P More on that in a bit), and there were several minor things in the beginning pages that bothered me ("ZOMG NO ONE LIKES YOU ANYMORE MELINDA", the potato & gravy accident, and the first encounter with Mr. Neck made me grind my teeth a little, which thankfully was written in a subtle manner) I was kinda "eh" to the teachers as well, since I feel like I've seen them before in a cliche-kinda way, but I suppose that's intentional. :P That said, I really like the writing style of the book. I love how experimental/journal-like/artistic it felt, with tidbits like her report cards, the screenplay-esque conversations between Melinda and her parents/teachers/peers, etc. I love the names she gives her teachers and principal (Mr. Neck, Hairwoman, Principal Principal). I especially love the "Me: "s. I thought that was an awesome touch. It fit what the book was going for, and holy fuck, that was effective.
Save for little bits like wanting to "fit in" (though from her perspective, it's understandable), I don't think I ever related to a high school YA protagonist so hard like I did with Melinda. You know, it's like that feeling I got with Esther Greenwood/Sylvia Plath while reading The Bell Jar: "Are you me?" Not as intense, but still. I found myself nodding and agreeing to almost everything Melinda said, and I loved her dark sense of humor and snickered along with her. ("If I ever form a clan, we'll be the anti-cheerleaders and walk under the bleacher forming mild acts of mayhem.")
And Melinda isn't always right, and it's acknowledged. Sometimes she's even called out for her gloominess. I loved that scene where David Petrakis Her Lab Partner explained to her why she got a D- (D+?) on her report about suffragists. It wasn't that Mr. Neck was out to get her (though it was unfair she had to go to detention) or that her presentation was horrible. It was because she argued, "The suffragists fought for the right for women to speak, so I have the right to remain silent!", which was entirely missing the point of what the suffragists were fighting centuries for. I thought, wow David. Wow book. You are fucking amazing. You deserve a high-five. Hell, all the scenes with David (like how he TOTALLY OWNED Mr. Neck's immigration-related bigotry) earned a Crowning Moment of Awesome. WE ARE BROS, BOOK. Or uh, sisters. WHICHEVER WORKS. Oh yeah, and I liked how Melinda and David were just friends. She considered maybe she might have feelings for him, which is normal, but it never went into the "ZOMG THEYRE GONNA FALL IN LURRRRRRVE" territory and it was so refreshing to see that in a high school YA book with a female protagonist. That's cool. 8)
The scenes with IT aka the Rapist probably had a bonus awkward/uncomfortable moment for me, because his name was... you guessed it. Andy. You know, it's such a good thing Andy's a common name (I'm sure Andy Warhol never got made fun of for sharing the name of a certain ragdoll. :P) and that he had a surname (Evans), or else I'd be having an aneurysm. My god, regarding my novel, this is what Raggedy Andy never wants to be with Marius. D: I was scared that Melinda wasn't gonna tell anyone about what happened until the final page, and that would've killed me. I'm all for open-ended endings, but not for something like that. Not in a novel called Speak. So the final confrontation between Melinda and IT in the old closet she made her escape place threw me for a loop and left me thinking... whoa. I was scared Melinda was never going to earn that moment of triumph, but she did. She told Andy to back off in the best way possible.
THIS HAS BEEN ANOTHER: CROWNING MOMENT OF FUCKING AWESOME! :DDDD
Did I mention I liked this book because it wasn't predictable? :o
Just... holy crap. This book. It was good.
That said, as quickly I read it, it also drained me in a different way. When I got halfway past the novel, especially at the end of third semester, I wanted Melinda to tell someone. I wanted her to heal. I wanted to see her readjust to life again. That's what kills me whenever people write about rape and related violence. It's about SUFFERING SUFFERING SUFFERING and I can't stand it. Of course they've suffered! Why can't they be given a chance to live? Why can't they be given a chance to recover? To acknowledge it happened, to move on? To me, the greatest catharsis comes from having experienced a trauma and triumphing over it by not letting it consume you anymore. I understand it's complicated... which is exactly why this triumph is magnificent. I want to see people grow, which was the idea behind the tree in Speak. I'm all for dragons laying waste to countrysides and peasants burning, but does it have to be hopeless, hopeless, hopeless? Gimme grief, but gimme a peasant brandishing a hammer and declare "NO. I'M NOT TAKING THIS ANYMORE." goddammit.
Balance it out. Rape by itself causes a great deal of pain. I don't want sunshine and rainbows. I want recovery.
That's what I love about Tori Amos's music. Yes, she was raped, and she wrote about it in her music. Alongside the horror and agony? Hope and a future. She wrote songs about the strength of the human spirit, the good and the bad. She wrote songs about standing up for yourself and expressing your individuality. She's seen the world in its beauty and ugliness and shared both. She wrote about coming out from a horrible past into a strange and foreign landscape and finding out you had a place in it after all. (See: "Pandora's Aquarium" and "Yes, Anastasia." We'll see how brave you are.) It has such a positive impact on me and it still does.
I don't know why I think so much about rape and sexual assault lately. Is it because I know people and friends who have been through this? Because no one wants to talk about it? Because it's misunderstood as sex and passion, and glorified in our prevalent rape culture?
Speaking of rape culture and the glut of YA paranormal "romances" full of abusive relationships. You know there was a "Speak" movie made in 2004? Guess who plays Melinda: Kristen Stewart.
Me:
This was several years before she was cast as Bella in Twilight. I can't help finding it ironic, because it puts the scene in Eclipse with Jacob kissing Bella without her consent in a whole new disturbing context. It does make me sad to think that she went from Speak to something... like that. D:
As powerful Speak is, I need to read something light. D: I'm feeling squeamish and sad and I want to read about happy things. So I'm going to continue my conversion into Homestuck. Waaaah.