(no subject)
I watched 9 in Russian today. Slightly different from English. Clearer plot, but I preferred the voice acting of the English version. I dunno, it's... I can't really say which version is better, since the two balance each other in my mind. Both have their good/awesome points and the little things that bug me, you know? You can watch it here and you can tell me what you think.
Other than that, I've just... been down today. Maybe I've been a little whiny or selfish these past few weeks, but now after trying to ignore it, I feel like I really am in a rut. Dad's ignoring the bills as usual, my old university wants $5000 something from me (another call which Dad ignored), Mom filling me with every intimate, nitty gritty detail everything Dad is doing wrong right now that'll wind us broke again, and Mom channeling all her worries and negativity down there so I stand or sit there as my mood plummets and I nod and say "Yes" every once in a while as I wait for her to finally stop talking to me and go away. I can't tell her to stop either, or she'll get mad and then Dad will get mad too.
Yes, getting a job would help. Except either A. All the positions are taken. B. It requires X years of experience, which I don't have. C. I'm too weak to load and unload boxes for various retail stores. D. I thought you needed to be 21 to be an adult. Apparently, I can't get one job I'm otherwise qualified for because I have to be twenty-three. E. Any job bearing any resemblance to something I'm interested in, offers more than minimum wage, and needs something I have actual skill in... not available. Not anywhere in Corpus Christi. Nada. Zilch.
It's... getting to me. I'm nearing the end of my rope here. I'm all stern and quiet and I just don't know what to do. Except that I know that I'm stuck. Doesn't help I don't really feel like doing anything else like play games or RP to my mind off things. And that no matter how many times I think I've found a solution, GIMP blocks everything and reaffirms itself as a piece of junk.
Why oh why isn't my hard-drive from my old computer backed up yet? But I don't want to ask because I don't want to waste money. Hell, I don't want to ask for a lot of things, 'cause I don't want to waste money. Not when there are bills to pay, my sister needs money for her housing and schooling, relatives to continue drama with over borrowing/returning money, paying back the goddamn university I don't even go to anymore and don't want to be reminded of them again (so why the hell didn't Dad pay the bill?), keeping electricity in our house, fending off roaches and...
Maybe I shouldn't have checked out those books from the library. It would have given me an excuse to keep coming back and getting the hell out of this house. Get me to think more often I really do have a future. A-fucking-las...
Either way, off to bed. I'm always tired, but apparently it's never enough to make me sleep. Nothing like tossing and turning for hours, drinking more milk and possibly taking more meds only to find out nothing's working. lol Insomnia's back at full-swing. Or maybe it's always been around and just waiting to hop down.
I feel like typing more of something. Of nothing in particular. But now I just don't want to think. I'm too addled to think. I could sit here and type more, nobody cares if it makes sense or not, but it makes my head hurt and I need to lie down. I feel so crummy.
Other than that, I've just... been down today. Maybe I've been a little whiny or selfish these past few weeks, but now after trying to ignore it, I feel like I really am in a rut. Dad's ignoring the bills as usual, my old university wants $5000 something from me (another call which Dad ignored), Mom filling me with every intimate, nitty gritty detail everything Dad is doing wrong right now that'll wind us broke again, and Mom channeling all her worries and negativity down there so I stand or sit there as my mood plummets and I nod and say "Yes" every once in a while as I wait for her to finally stop talking to me and go away. I can't tell her to stop either, or she'll get mad and then Dad will get mad too.
Yes, getting a job would help. Except either A. All the positions are taken. B. It requires X years of experience, which I don't have. C. I'm too weak to load and unload boxes for various retail stores. D. I thought you needed to be 21 to be an adult. Apparently, I can't get one job I'm otherwise qualified for because I have to be twenty-three. E. Any job bearing any resemblance to something I'm interested in, offers more than minimum wage, and needs something I have actual skill in... not available. Not anywhere in Corpus Christi. Nada. Zilch.
It's... getting to me. I'm nearing the end of my rope here. I'm all stern and quiet and I just don't know what to do. Except that I know that I'm stuck. Doesn't help I don't really feel like doing anything else like play games or RP to my mind off things. And that no matter how many times I think I've found a solution, GIMP blocks everything and reaffirms itself as a piece of junk.
Why oh why isn't my hard-drive from my old computer backed up yet? But I don't want to ask because I don't want to waste money. Hell, I don't want to ask for a lot of things, 'cause I don't want to waste money. Not when there are bills to pay, my sister needs money for her housing and schooling, relatives to continue drama with over borrowing/returning money, paying back the goddamn university I don't even go to anymore and don't want to be reminded of them again (so why the hell didn't Dad pay the bill?), keeping electricity in our house, fending off roaches and...
Maybe I shouldn't have checked out those books from the library. It would have given me an excuse to keep coming back and getting the hell out of this house. Get me to think more often I really do have a future. A-fucking-las...
Either way, off to bed. I'm always tired, but apparently it's never enough to make me sleep. Nothing like tossing and turning for hours, drinking more milk and possibly taking more meds only to find out nothing's working. lol Insomnia's back at full-swing. Or maybe it's always been around and just waiting to hop down.
I feel like typing more of something. Of nothing in particular. But now I just don't want to think. I'm too addled to think. I could sit here and type more, nobody cares if it makes sense or not, but it makes my head hurt and I need to lie down. I feel so crummy.