... What *happened*?
I've had this random bittersweet story idea for a day or so. It would involve Hamilton in court, noticing this old lady who has been showing up in the spectators' gallery for a while now. He finally goes over and asks her out of curiosity if he can help her with something. She tells him that she heard about him some time back and came to L.A. to watch him in court, because something about him reminds her of her husband, killed decades ago during a rescue mission in Korea.
Basically it would be a tie-in with the movie One Minute to Zero, in which William Talman's character does eventually die rescuing Robert Mitchum and his struggling unit with a badly-needed ammo drop. I decided I should watch the movie again before I'd try embarking on such a oneshot idea.
So I did. And I ended up completely breaking down, bawling worse than even the first time I saw the film. (This was the fourth time.) I absolutely did not want to try writing the oneshot afterwards, nor did I think I could bear finishing or even opening a oneshot I started writing months ago about his widow's thoughts and feelings. The funk got worse after I followed it up with what turned out to be a fairly blah Perry episode. It caused me to do some pondering on season 3, but that's a future musing for my Perry blog. (http://parkavenuebeat.blogspot.com/)
I was left with the titular question. What happened?! Why did the film affect me so deeply this particular time? I really don't think the answer is as simple as my emotions being off-balance. (Which they are at this point.)
Could it be that I've become even more devoted to William and his characters than I even was when I saw the film previously, despite the fact that he was the reason I got it in the first place? Could it be that now I just can't bear to write about that character being dead because it devastates me much more and I still want to see if there's some way to have him be alive after all?
I really don't think it would work. His parachute was shot out of the sky, and even though he didn't fall that far to the ground, the thing he fell in/on/near blew up when he landed. If he possibly survived, he would surely be horribly injured and burned. What's more, I really think the staff fully meant for that death to happen, and not having it happen would take away from the messages of the film. I can fully understand that, what with my problems of always feeling like I can't change David's death in Lead Me Through the Fire, as much as I might like to. (Of course, on the other hand, there were other fatal sacrifices made in the film, one by another fairly prominent character, so if William's character John survived, maybe that would have been a good angle too.)
Maybe I went into that funk because if I write that oneshot I'll have to fully concede that John is dead and I still can't bring myself to do so, even if I never try to write him alive.
I really do love that movie. It's the most poignant and powerful war picture I've ever seen, and the friendship between Robert's and William's characters absolutely thrills and delights me. And I'm always so moved by John's sacrifice, even though it shatters my heart into tiny pieces every time. The scene where his wife wakes up and realizes he's going on a mission again and he thinks she's asleep and kisses her before looking in at his kids one last time ... gah.
At this particular point, though, I think I won't want to watch the film again for a while. Just thinking about it depresses me. Nor am I sure I really want to buy The Racket, another film with those two actors where William's character dies. (I think I have a better chance of reviving him in that one, though.) On the other hand, though, I probably still will. I'd like to get hold of all the movies where William plays good guys.
I've been wanting to see The Persuader again, but I'm not sure I want to see it any time soon, either. William plays two characters, twins, and one of them is killed. And even though the other one lives, and I just love the film, I don't think I'm ready to see another of William's characters die right now.
Maybe it really is my off-kilter emotions.
I came away with an intense craving for Hamilton hurt/comfort, perhaps because I knew he'd come out of it alright in the end.
Basically it would be a tie-in with the movie One Minute to Zero, in which William Talman's character does eventually die rescuing Robert Mitchum and his struggling unit with a badly-needed ammo drop. I decided I should watch the movie again before I'd try embarking on such a oneshot idea.
So I did. And I ended up completely breaking down, bawling worse than even the first time I saw the film. (This was the fourth time.) I absolutely did not want to try writing the oneshot afterwards, nor did I think I could bear finishing or even opening a oneshot I started writing months ago about his widow's thoughts and feelings. The funk got worse after I followed it up with what turned out to be a fairly blah Perry episode. It caused me to do some pondering on season 3, but that's a future musing for my Perry blog. (http://parkavenuebeat.blogspot.com/)
I was left with the titular question. What happened?! Why did the film affect me so deeply this particular time? I really don't think the answer is as simple as my emotions being off-balance. (Which they are at this point.)
Could it be that I've become even more devoted to William and his characters than I even was when I saw the film previously, despite the fact that he was the reason I got it in the first place? Could it be that now I just can't bear to write about that character being dead because it devastates me much more and I still want to see if there's some way to have him be alive after all?
I really don't think it would work. His parachute was shot out of the sky, and even though he didn't fall that far to the ground, the thing he fell in/on/near blew up when he landed. If he possibly survived, he would surely be horribly injured and burned. What's more, I really think the staff fully meant for that death to happen, and not having it happen would take away from the messages of the film. I can fully understand that, what with my problems of always feeling like I can't change David's death in Lead Me Through the Fire, as much as I might like to. (Of course, on the other hand, there were other fatal sacrifices made in the film, one by another fairly prominent character, so if William's character John survived, maybe that would have been a good angle too.)
Maybe I went into that funk because if I write that oneshot I'll have to fully concede that John is dead and I still can't bring myself to do so, even if I never try to write him alive.
I really do love that movie. It's the most poignant and powerful war picture I've ever seen, and the friendship between Robert's and William's characters absolutely thrills and delights me. And I'm always so moved by John's sacrifice, even though it shatters my heart into tiny pieces every time. The scene where his wife wakes up and realizes he's going on a mission again and he thinks she's asleep and kisses her before looking in at his kids one last time ... gah.
At this particular point, though, I think I won't want to watch the film again for a while. Just thinking about it depresses me. Nor am I sure I really want to buy The Racket, another film with those two actors where William's character dies. (I think I have a better chance of reviving him in that one, though.) On the other hand, though, I probably still will. I'd like to get hold of all the movies where William plays good guys.
I've been wanting to see The Persuader again, but I'm not sure I want to see it any time soon, either. William plays two characters, twins, and one of them is killed. And even though the other one lives, and I just love the film, I don't think I'm ready to see another of William's characters die right now.
Maybe it really is my off-kilter emotions.
I came away with an intense craving for Hamilton hurt/comfort, perhaps because I knew he'd come out of it alright in the end.