Blurb
I had a weird dream earlier, and it inspired this strange, dark, and angsty mobster blurb. XD This is unfinished, but I was curious to see what would be thought of it so I decided to post what there is before I must scamper off to watch the last Twelve Kingdoms DVD! It has to go back later today, so I must watch it all now. XD
It's amusing, this was supposed to be narrated by Ruby, but when I started writing it, Tony decided he wanted to speak.
He's been dead for over a month now. I could give the exact time, right down to the day and hour, and I know Ruby has been keeping track. There's not much else for her to do now. She just feels numb.
I'm surprised she's stayed with us. She said that Baby Face told her that she could leave if she wanted to, and she acted like she would, but after we buried him, she didn't go after all. None of us have ever asked her why. Vince and Harry probably feel too uncomfortable, and I don't think it's any of my business. She knows she's welcome here for as long as she wants to stay. We know she won't ever try to rat us out, even with Baby Face gone.
It's more hard on her than on anyone else, when she loved him so much. Vince lost someone he's looked up to for years, so I know it was a blow to him, too. Harry . . . well, I don't know what he thinks about it, actually. He's almost always been quiet, and I've gotten the impression that he only joined the gang because Vince wanted to, and I guess because Baby Face was the only one who would take them in after they got kicked out of the previous gang they were in. I've wondered sometimes if Harry has ever actually liked Baby Face at all, or if he was just a convenient ticket out of their mess.
I don't know how to really describe what my relationship with Baby Face was. He's the only one who ever knew the full truth of what happened to me in Detroit. He said that we were the same, that we'd had a lot of the same experiences and that people oppressed us both. Sometimes I like the idea that we're similar, as it means that I know someone understands me. But sometimes it's disconcerting. I don't want to be like him. I don't want to ever get so angry that I completely snap, the way he always did. In any case, I can't deny that it seems wrong for him to be dead.
I didn't believe it at first, when I found Ruby on the docks, clutching his body and crying. I thought he was just unconscious from his wounds and that he could be saved. But when she moved aside to let me kneel down and examine him, I found that he was gone.
Sometimes I still can't believe it. On dark nights, usually when it's storming and I'm half-asleep, I'll think I hear him wandering around in the kitchen, cursing to himself and getting drunk. But when I go there to look around, of course he's not there. No one is. It's just my imagination.
Tonight I'm sitting in the living room of our hideout, unable to sleep again, when I hear a knock at the door followed by Ruby's desperate plea: "Is anyone still up? I want to come in for a while. . . ." She sounds despondent, the way she has since he was killed. I get up to let her in.
I'm surprised to see that she's carrying a suitcase, which she sets down once she's inside. Then she looks at me, and it haunts me to see how empty and hopeless her eyes are. I wonder if that's how I looked after Alice died.
"Tony," she says finally, her voice shaking, "I want to stay here, at least for a few days. It . . . it's just too quiet at my place. I keep thinking I see him, or hear him, but I know he's not there and I can't stand it!" Her whole body is trembling, and I can see tears running down her face. "It's just me, all alone in the dark with all these memories. . . . And . . . I don't know, I didn't realize how lonely memories can be sometimes!"
I sigh, shutting the door behind her. "You might have the same problem here," I tell her truthfully. "Sometimes I think I hear him too." It was the same way after Alice was killed. I used to think that I could still hear her calling to me, or telling me things, but it was just my mind fabricating all of it because of my loneliness. And that's what's happening to Ruby now.
I won't deny that I've been feeling lonely again myself. It seems strange, after the experience Baby Face and I went through where we were trying to kill each other, but I think I've ended up deciding that he was a friend. I keep remembering those times when we'd sit around and talk in the middle of the night. Baby Face would have a bottle of whiskey, and I might drink a shot or two with him, but then I wouldn't want to bother with any more and he'd claim the rest for himself as we'd continue to talk. Sometimes I think that the only person who ever knew me better than he did was Alice.
"Tony?"
I look over at Ruby again, and from her expression I can tell that she must have said something that I didn't reply to. "What is it?" I ask.
She hesitates before speaking again, and when she does, it's in a whisper. "Tony, do you think that . . . that maybe he really is still around?" She looks like she wants to believe it, and at the same time, she doesn't. I don't know what to tell her.
"I'm not the best person to ask, Ruby," I answer now. "There's probably a lot of things we'll never know the answers to, at least not until we die ourselves." And maybe not even then. It depends on whether there really is some kind of afterlife.
Ruby goes past me, stopping to stare blankly at the wall. "I guess I kinda wonder what would be worse . . . to be in a place like they always say that Hell is, or to still be wandering around on earth and not be able to talk to anyone," she says softly. "Maybe . . . maybe that's what Hell is really like."
"I wouldn't be surprised." I watch her, crossing my arms. Hell actually seems like a lot of things. Being the one left behind is Hell, too, but while it'd make sense for me to go through that as punishment for my crimes, Ruby should never have to. It's true that she's been mixed up with all of us and that she sometimes lies to the police and helps us make our getaways, but she's actually a lot better of a person than some of those are who claim to be walking on the straight and narrow.
She turns back to me, smiling weakly. "I guess you probably wonder why I'm still hanging around instead of trying to get out of the gang for good and going my own way," she remarks now, and I can see the wistfulness in her eyes. I nod slowly, not wanting to interrupt her train of thought by speaking, and she continues. "I just don't know where else to go," she admits quietly. "Jade's married, and I don't want to bother her and her husband. . . . Jan's married too. . . . But well . . . you guys don't have anyone, really. Maybe I kinda thought that . . . that we could be lonely together."
I nod slowly. "You know you're welcome here." Baby Face would want it that way. And Vince and Harry and I like her. I think Alice would have liked her, too. Sometimes I wonder how she got mixed up in this. By the time she met Baby Face, she was already deeply involved with the criminal underworld.
She's silent again. "I know you really miss him too," she says finally. "He and you were best friends."
I grunt, not really answering other than that. It's not how I'd describe my relationship with him, and I know that if Baby Face was here, he would openly scorn the idea. In fact, out of the corner of my eye I'm almost sure I see him leaning against the wall, rolling his eyes.
"Give me a break!" he snaps. "I'm nobody's best friend! And Tony and I only work together. There's nothing more to it than that. Don't try to put some kinda mushy spin on it!"
I turn to look at him, but there's no one there. It's just another figment of my imagination. Maybe I'm just nuts. And if I'm not, I probably will be soon.
Ruby looks haunted when I glance back at her. "I know I saw him this time," she whispers, sinking onto the couch. "I'm not just chasing memories and I'm not crazy! You saw him too, didn't you, Tony?!" she exclaims now, pleading for me to confirm it.
I nod slowly. "I did," I admit.
It's amusing, this was supposed to be narrated by Ruby, but when I started writing it, Tony decided he wanted to speak.
He's been dead for over a month now. I could give the exact time, right down to the day and hour, and I know Ruby has been keeping track. There's not much else for her to do now. She just feels numb.
I'm surprised she's stayed with us. She said that Baby Face told her that she could leave if she wanted to, and she acted like she would, but after we buried him, she didn't go after all. None of us have ever asked her why. Vince and Harry probably feel too uncomfortable, and I don't think it's any of my business. She knows she's welcome here for as long as she wants to stay. We know she won't ever try to rat us out, even with Baby Face gone.
It's more hard on her than on anyone else, when she loved him so much. Vince lost someone he's looked up to for years, so I know it was a blow to him, too. Harry . . . well, I don't know what he thinks about it, actually. He's almost always been quiet, and I've gotten the impression that he only joined the gang because Vince wanted to, and I guess because Baby Face was the only one who would take them in after they got kicked out of the previous gang they were in. I've wondered sometimes if Harry has ever actually liked Baby Face at all, or if he was just a convenient ticket out of their mess.
I don't know how to really describe what my relationship with Baby Face was. He's the only one who ever knew the full truth of what happened to me in Detroit. He said that we were the same, that we'd had a lot of the same experiences and that people oppressed us both. Sometimes I like the idea that we're similar, as it means that I know someone understands me. But sometimes it's disconcerting. I don't want to be like him. I don't want to ever get so angry that I completely snap, the way he always did. In any case, I can't deny that it seems wrong for him to be dead.
I didn't believe it at first, when I found Ruby on the docks, clutching his body and crying. I thought he was just unconscious from his wounds and that he could be saved. But when she moved aside to let me kneel down and examine him, I found that he was gone.
Sometimes I still can't believe it. On dark nights, usually when it's storming and I'm half-asleep, I'll think I hear him wandering around in the kitchen, cursing to himself and getting drunk. But when I go there to look around, of course he's not there. No one is. It's just my imagination.
Tonight I'm sitting in the living room of our hideout, unable to sleep again, when I hear a knock at the door followed by Ruby's desperate plea: "Is anyone still up? I want to come in for a while. . . ." She sounds despondent, the way she has since he was killed. I get up to let her in.
I'm surprised to see that she's carrying a suitcase, which she sets down once she's inside. Then she looks at me, and it haunts me to see how empty and hopeless her eyes are. I wonder if that's how I looked after Alice died.
"Tony," she says finally, her voice shaking, "I want to stay here, at least for a few days. It . . . it's just too quiet at my place. I keep thinking I see him, or hear him, but I know he's not there and I can't stand it!" Her whole body is trembling, and I can see tears running down her face. "It's just me, all alone in the dark with all these memories. . . . And . . . I don't know, I didn't realize how lonely memories can be sometimes!"
I sigh, shutting the door behind her. "You might have the same problem here," I tell her truthfully. "Sometimes I think I hear him too." It was the same way after Alice was killed. I used to think that I could still hear her calling to me, or telling me things, but it was just my mind fabricating all of it because of my loneliness. And that's what's happening to Ruby now.
I won't deny that I've been feeling lonely again myself. It seems strange, after the experience Baby Face and I went through where we were trying to kill each other, but I think I've ended up deciding that he was a friend. I keep remembering those times when we'd sit around and talk in the middle of the night. Baby Face would have a bottle of whiskey, and I might drink a shot or two with him, but then I wouldn't want to bother with any more and he'd claim the rest for himself as we'd continue to talk. Sometimes I think that the only person who ever knew me better than he did was Alice.
"Tony?"
I look over at Ruby again, and from her expression I can tell that she must have said something that I didn't reply to. "What is it?" I ask.
She hesitates before speaking again, and when she does, it's in a whisper. "Tony, do you think that . . . that maybe he really is still around?" She looks like she wants to believe it, and at the same time, she doesn't. I don't know what to tell her.
"I'm not the best person to ask, Ruby," I answer now. "There's probably a lot of things we'll never know the answers to, at least not until we die ourselves." And maybe not even then. It depends on whether there really is some kind of afterlife.
Ruby goes past me, stopping to stare blankly at the wall. "I guess I kinda wonder what would be worse . . . to be in a place like they always say that Hell is, or to still be wandering around on earth and not be able to talk to anyone," she says softly. "Maybe . . . maybe that's what Hell is really like."
"I wouldn't be surprised." I watch her, crossing my arms. Hell actually seems like a lot of things. Being the one left behind is Hell, too, but while it'd make sense for me to go through that as punishment for my crimes, Ruby should never have to. It's true that she's been mixed up with all of us and that she sometimes lies to the police and helps us make our getaways, but she's actually a lot better of a person than some of those are who claim to be walking on the straight and narrow.
She turns back to me, smiling weakly. "I guess you probably wonder why I'm still hanging around instead of trying to get out of the gang for good and going my own way," she remarks now, and I can see the wistfulness in her eyes. I nod slowly, not wanting to interrupt her train of thought by speaking, and she continues. "I just don't know where else to go," she admits quietly. "Jade's married, and I don't want to bother her and her husband. . . . Jan's married too. . . . But well . . . you guys don't have anyone, really. Maybe I kinda thought that . . . that we could be lonely together."
I nod slowly. "You know you're welcome here." Baby Face would want it that way. And Vince and Harry and I like her. I think Alice would have liked her, too. Sometimes I wonder how she got mixed up in this. By the time she met Baby Face, she was already deeply involved with the criminal underworld.
She's silent again. "I know you really miss him too," she says finally. "He and you were best friends."
I grunt, not really answering other than that. It's not how I'd describe my relationship with him, and I know that if Baby Face was here, he would openly scorn the idea. In fact, out of the corner of my eye I'm almost sure I see him leaning against the wall, rolling his eyes.
"Give me a break!" he snaps. "I'm nobody's best friend! And Tony and I only work together. There's nothing more to it than that. Don't try to put some kinda mushy spin on it!"
I turn to look at him, but there's no one there. It's just another figment of my imagination. Maybe I'm just nuts. And if I'm not, I probably will be soon.
Ruby looks haunted when I glance back at her. "I know I saw him this time," she whispers, sinking onto the couch. "I'm not just chasing memories and I'm not crazy! You saw him too, didn't you, Tony?!" she exclaims now, pleading for me to confirm it.
I nod slowly. "I did," I admit.