(no subject)
Well, it's been a long time. A really, really long time.
My life doesn't feel very much in order right now, mentally, although it is in most other respects. Nothing is majorly wrong, except for my outlook on life.
After my first relationship, I tried to make myself emotionally independent, never needing validation from someone else and opposed to commitment. I ended up agreeing to a nearly-exclusive relationship awhile ago, the same one as I previously mentioned, and now it's not going so well.
On Nov. 3rd, he and I agreed to take a two-week break, which has now turned into a two-week-and-two-days break. He felt smothered because I kept doing things for him and seeing him a lot, and he didn't have the time or space to want to do those things himself like he used to. It makes me discouraged to think that my method of making a great relationship actually had the opposite effect. We also fought verbally about once a week, probably mostly because of the lack of patience that comes whenever two people are always around each other.
I agreed with him that we needed space, but I wouldn't have picked two weeks; I would have picked one. It sometimes feels like a punishment because I haven't been deprived of attention or sex "willingly" ever before. It's not that he's using sex as a tool against me, it just feels shitty to think of what we could be enjoying right now if we didn't have problems. But we do.
I know the break is the right thing to do if we want to re-start our relationship. But it's really hard for me to avoid resenting him and this situation. There are times when I want to break up with him simply because I don't feel like waiting two weeks for anyone. He and I both agree that we don't want to be in this relationship for the rest of college, so I'm not sure why exactly I'm holding out for it to get better.
If this were last year, I definitely would have said, "Fuck it," broken up, and gone out to try to find physical excitement elsewhere, and enjoying it even if I didn't actually find any physical excitement. I'm really tempted to do that, but I'm not sure it's the right plan. I'm young, restless, and eager to see other people, but this is an opportunity to improve myself and a relationship that I hope will eventually end in friendship, not lack of respect and distance. But the longer I'm away from him in this situation, the less I care about fixing the relationship and the more I want to move on.
What would you do?
My life doesn't feel very much in order right now, mentally, although it is in most other respects. Nothing is majorly wrong, except for my outlook on life.
After my first relationship, I tried to make myself emotionally independent, never needing validation from someone else and opposed to commitment. I ended up agreeing to a nearly-exclusive relationship awhile ago, the same one as I previously mentioned, and now it's not going so well.
On Nov. 3rd, he and I agreed to take a two-week break, which has now turned into a two-week-and-two-days break. He felt smothered because I kept doing things for him and seeing him a lot, and he didn't have the time or space to want to do those things himself like he used to. It makes me discouraged to think that my method of making a great relationship actually had the opposite effect. We also fought verbally about once a week, probably mostly because of the lack of patience that comes whenever two people are always around each other.
I agreed with him that we needed space, but I wouldn't have picked two weeks; I would have picked one. It sometimes feels like a punishment because I haven't been deprived of attention or sex "willingly" ever before. It's not that he's using sex as a tool against me, it just feels shitty to think of what we could be enjoying right now if we didn't have problems. But we do.
I know the break is the right thing to do if we want to re-start our relationship. But it's really hard for me to avoid resenting him and this situation. There are times when I want to break up with him simply because I don't feel like waiting two weeks for anyone. He and I both agree that we don't want to be in this relationship for the rest of college, so I'm not sure why exactly I'm holding out for it to get better.
If this were last year, I definitely would have said, "Fuck it," broken up, and gone out to try to find physical excitement elsewhere, and enjoying it even if I didn't actually find any physical excitement. I'm really tempted to do that, but I'm not sure it's the right plan. I'm young, restless, and eager to see other people, but this is an opportunity to improve myself and a relationship that I hope will eventually end in friendship, not lack of respect and distance. But the longer I'm away from him in this situation, the less I care about fixing the relationship and the more I want to move on.
What would you do?